The Bill Collector

There are some days that I wonder why I bothered to get out of bed because I am certain that the world has decided that on that particular day the theme is “Kick Jack.” Today is one of those days in which it seems that I am shooting dice, except that they are loaded. It would be easy to whine about all of the crap I am wading through and the truth is that I want to.

I am going to take a slightly different approach and share a telephone call with you. This morning I received a telephone call from a bill collector. He identified himself as being employed by the major corporation whose credit card I carry.

Let’s go the recap:

Bill Collector: Sir, I want to let you know that you cannot use your card until you pay your bill.
Jack: Am I overdue? I believe that I paid the bill.

Bill Collector: You are correct. You paid the bill.
Jack: Am I overdrawn or overdue in some other way?

Bill Collector: No. But we’d like you to pay your balance of XYZ right now. I can take a phone payment.
Jack: I just looked at the statement and it is not due until the end of this week. Why are you calling and why are you saying that I can’t use my card.

Bill Collector: Sir, there is no preset limit on this card, but we do set limits based upon your spending history and credit reports that we might have checked.
Jack: You just told me that there is no preset limit, but you told me that there is a limit.

Bill Collector: Yes, that is correct.
Jack: How long have I been a cardholder?

Bill Collector: Twenty years sir.
Jack: Twenty years. Is there a note in my file saying that I don’t pay my bill?

Bill Collector: No, there is nothing of the sort. We just want you to be able to use the card.
Jack: Ok, you just told me that due date is at the end of the week, that I am not behind on payment and that there is no preset limit.

Bill Collector: Correct.
Jack: And you told me that even though I am not late and there is no preset limit, I can’t use the card until I pay the bill.

Bill Collector: Correct.
Jack: I don’t like being treated like Lou Costello.

Bill Collector: Who is Lou Costello?
Jack: Never mind that. What is going on here, why did you call me?

Bill Collector: To see that you pay your bill.
Jack: I see, should I call you Guido. This doesn’t make any sense.

Bill Collector: Pay your bill with me now and you can use the card this afternoon.
Jack: You don’t set policy, but I am more than a little irritated. I have a twenty year history that you just said has no blemishes upon it and you’re trying to strong arm me into paying you today.

I think that you get the gist of the conversation. Makes me feel so good to know that they want to chase me for a couple hundred dollars while simultaneously asking the government to give them money.

If you’ll forgive me for being quite crude I like to be kissed before I get fucked. But this is part of the joy of the current financial situation. There is something very wrong here and I am offended by it.

And now if you’ll excuse me I need to attend to some other matters. The line to kick Jack forms in the rear.

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