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"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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Vanity- Thy Name is Jack

February 6, 2009 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

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A short time ago I took a look at some pictures that were taken of me and was both shocked and horrified by what I saw. There before me were two pictures of my back and one from the side.

As I stared at the back of my head I was pleased to see that it enjoys the protection of a ton of hair, thick and black. But just a few inches or so in front of it is a thinning mess. That didn’t please me. Now granted when I am in need of a haircut my hair just looks ridiculous, at least in the front. It just doesn’t lie right anymore.

But what really bothered me was the side view. I know that I am carrying around a few extra pounds, but that shirt made me looked like a stuffed sausage. It is officially being retired from my wardrobe until I drop a couple more pounds.

Part of the problem is that I am a hair shy of turning 40 but my mental image of myself is twenty years younger. That guy had a full head of hair and stomach that was cut. Hours of swimming and working out had paid off in a big way. I was tan and chiseled.

Now I am not so tan and not quite chiseled any more. Ok, parts of me are, but it is not the same.

I suppose that what bothered me the most is that I looked at the picture and saw a guy who looks like he is in or on the verge of middle age. It is not such a bad thing, other than a bad bout with vanity.

Sad but true, Old Jack is not just a euphemism anymore. So the big question is whether the embarrassment I felt is going to be enough to inspire me to get serious about getting back into shape.

If you look at me from the chest up or from the waist down all is good. The back, shoulders and legs are good, it is just that other side that I don’t like. They don’t pay me enough to serve as a double for The Pillsbury Doughboy.

Sometimes it sucks to grow older.

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