A Different Sort Of Fish Tale

I can’t decide who this guy looks like, Woody Allen, Lyle Lovett or Elvis Costello. Doesn’t matter because any way you slice it the dude has tremendous problems. The picture is provided courtesy of Multnomah County Sheriff.

A 27-year-old Southeast Portland man who beat his ex-girlfriend and then stabbed her pet fish and left it impaled in her apartment has been sentenced to two years of probation and a psychological evaluation.

An attorney for Donald Earl Fite III said he didn’t want to talk about the details of the assault, but that stabbing the fish was “a very low point” in his client’s life.

“He is absolutely mortified and ashamed about what he did to the fish,” said attorney Tom MacNair today in Multnomah County Circuit Court.”

A few comments. This really is a sad tale that is almost comical. He feels badly about the fish, but not about assaulting his ex. WTF.

Mr. Fite (what an unfortunate name for this story) apparently is quite disturbed that his lady friend has decided that he is no longer the king of love. Apparently she came home and found him there waiting. He suggested that they get back together, she refused and said that she had plans for the evening.

And now the story begins to get more bizarre. She tried to leave and he attempted to restrain her. She punched him in the nose and then he grabbed her by hair and ripped out her hair extensions. (I don’t know if that was intentional, just sharing information from the article.)

She fled the apartment and called 911. She returned with a police officer and discovered her fish, DeLorean impaled upon the wood floor. Let’s return to the article for a moment so that you can see just how weird it gets.

“I started crying hysterically,” said Harris, who didn’t attend the hearing but spoke with The Oregonian by phone.

“Donald bought the fish for me, and I’m sure he knew how much I cared for it.”

Fite admitted to police that he killed the betta, saying, “If she can’t have me, then she can’t have the fish.”

Fite pleaded guilty to first-degree animal abuse and fourth-degree domestic-violence assault. In addition to probation and a mental-health evaluation, he must work 80 hours of community service, pay $617 in fines and fees and stay away from Harris.

Deputy district attorney Eric Zimmerman told Judge Eric Bergstrom that the victim had requested restitution for an unusual reason – she wanted Fite to pay for a memorial tattoo she plans to get of the fish. The judge declined to order Fite to pay for the tattoo.

The judge also decided against banning Fite from having contact with fish, saying the stabbing was probably a one-time incident.”

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