Reality- it is the gift that you are given at the end of a vacation. Ten days on the East Coast have come and gone faster than they should have. New memories have been formed thoughts and ideas for future trips and funny stories are now logged inside the old melon.

Reality required me to return earlier than the family. There is work to be done so I flew home alone and walked into an empty house. Devoid of dog and people it it is deathly quiet. Were it not a house I might have said that it was crypt like, but even though the missing members are gone I still hear the echoes of their footsteps.

When I arrived late last night I followed my usual custom of patrolling the house. I walked into each room and checked to see that all was in its proper place. Stopped and stared at a few items because I couldn’t remember them being there when I left.

Heard a strange noise coming from the back of the house and stopped in my tracks. Standing still I strained to identify the sound. I was tired and cranky from a long plane ride. The guy in front of me invaded my space with six hours of horrific gas, it was unpleasant. So when I heard that noise in my home I was disturbed.

With no one else around it was a particularly bad time for an intruder to show up. Inside my mind I heard a little boy ask me to kill bad guys dead. I think that he was about four when my son said that to me- a lifetime ago.

Break into my home and all bets are off. But like I said this time I had no one to worry about other than myself. Alone in the dark I prepared to creep over to the location that the noise was coming from. In a moment I was going to confront someone or something.

I stopped and glanced at the time, 12:35 A.M.- well past the witching hour. Slowly I moved through the house. Armed with a baseball bat a bottle of hairspray I was ready to do battle. In just a moment someone was going to be very sorry that they walked where angels fear to tread.

And then it happened….I stepped on a toy and screamed. Legos are particularly good at finding the soft, tender places in your foot. In seconds I morphed from Ninja dad to “you could be the idiot on hopping around on one foot dad” who was filmed for America’s Funniest Home Videos.

In the midst of cursing all that is holy I turned on the lights and discovered that the source of the noise was a child’s toy. A E%%#^&%^#&%$# doll whose battery apparently holds enough power to keep the sun burning for a thousand years.

Later I would lie in bed and laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. Oy, life is just something else.

And now, during the morning hours it is clear that I was exceptionally tired. And so it goes. So I sit here sharing these notes with you. In another moment I will sign off and go throw the laundry in the dryer and take a shower.

Afterwards when I feel a bit more awake I’ll tackle the mail. Vacation is over and reality has set in.

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  1. TheJackB June 30, 2010 at 5:51 am

    Nope, it wasn't a Chucky doll. I try not to give those kinds of toys to the kids. 😉
    My recent post Top 50 Rabbis- I am Not IncludedAgain

  2. SeattleDad June 30, 2010 at 4:33 am

    At least it wasn't a Chucky doll. Was it/

    Welcome back to the grind. We've missed you here.
    My recent post Breaking- Best Boy Ever Turns 3

  3. TheJackB June 30, 2010 at 4:20 am

    Someone should laugh at all this. Enjoy. 🙂 It was kind of funny.

  4. Amber June 30, 2010 at 2:40 am

    I'm not laughing. Really I'm not.


    I am.


    Too bad it wasn't caught on camera! You could be the next YouTube star!

  5. Kevin June 29, 2010 at 5:35 pm


    Welcome back. I'm glad you had a good vacation and enjoyed your Toy Story.
    My recent post Dadvocate Podcast Episode 11 – Dad of Divas

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