The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants
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Someone once told me that the heart wants what the heart wants. I donâ€™t know if that is a line from a book or a movie, it could be. Then again it might be one of those pithy statements that people come up with. Iâ€™d ask the person who told me but I can quite remember who said it. Hell, it might have even been
The heart wants what the heart wants. You know what that means? It is a statement made by people who canâ€™t explain why they are in love with person xyz. It is what you say when there is no logical explanation for your actions. It is a catchphrase, a tagline, a slogan and a motto.
The heart wants what the heart wants. It reminds me of Shakespeare, â€œLife is a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing.â€ Somewhere my high school English teacher Mrs. McDonnell is smiling. Little Jimmy actually remembered a line from Macbeth. See maâ€™am, I told you that I could hear just as well in sunglasses as without..
The heart wants what the heart wants. It is the kind of thing you hear people say when they are trying to explain why they are hung up on someone from their past. Or maybe it is what you say when you stop denying the love that is in front of you.
If love were rational, if it were based upon logic life would be easier. When I think about some of the things I have done because of love I want to scream. When I consider the self-inflicted misery I have endured I want to cry because it seems so very foolish. How could I waste so much energy on such a silly thing as a woman, a single woman. The world is filled with millions of women. It should be easy to replace her. It should be as simple as changing shoes, but it is not. It is not, it is not.
The heart wants what the heart wants. It does and mine has chosen someone that is far more special to me than all of the others. My lips remember hers. I can still feel her touch. The pillowcase has never been washed because I have this fantasy that I can still pull it close and smell her.
Sometimes I think that reincarnation must be real and that in a past life I must have stolen fire from the gods or committed some other heinous crime. Because there is no logical reason why I would be punished in this manner. I found the woman that completes me. I found the person that makes me whole and I let her go.
She would have stayed. She would have held my hand. She would have helped save my soul but I couldn’t say the words. I couldn’t make myself do it. Even though I knew it to be a simple thing. A brief plea for help and she wouldn’t have left me. I wouldn’t have been left to live in shadow and night. I could have been whole. Her love was enough to let me believe that I could have been something more.
But like I said, in that past life I did something. I earned the wrath of those who sit in judgment. Or maybe it is nothing like that. Maybe there is no reason why. Maybe this is all there is and happiness is based upon some sort of random something or other.
The heart wants what it wants and mine has betrayed me. In a different life it lay in a green garden beneath bright blue skies and now it is filled with weeds and fields of shattered stone and black night skies.
Once I might have hoped for salvation. Once I believed that I deserved better than this but now I understand that not to be so. Hades has issued his decree. I stand next to Sisyphus. Tantalus is my brother. Happiness is something that I can see but can’t reach.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
Cheryl February 16, 2011 at 3:05 pm
I really love this line: In a different life it lay in a green garden beneath bright blue skies and now it is filled with weeds and fields of shattered stone and black night skies.
Really interesting, full writing. Thanks for sending me here.
Jack February 16, 2011 at 5:26 pm
Thank you. Sometimes we hit the mark and others…not so much.
San Diego Momma February 5, 2011 at 7:40 pm
As usual, I am in awe.
Jack February 5, 2011 at 10:07 pm
Thank you. I enjoy writing stories and would do so regardless of whether they are read or not. But I have to admit that I appreciate the feedback very much.
smoo July 9, 2010 at 5:06 pm
Dude, just found your blog and i like your writing but this site freezes my computer. would've liked to keep reading but its frustrating. Sorry.
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TheJackB July 8, 2010 at 7:01 pm
Sometimes I can't help but wonder about these things.
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TheJackB July 8, 2010 at 5:43 am
It is a story that I think a lot of people can relate to.
TheJackB July 8, 2010 at 5:43 am
Thanks. This is actually a work of fiction, but I appreciate the comment.
Twenty Four At Heart July 8, 2010 at 4:21 am
Recently someone who was very significant from my past told me "We almost got it right in this life." And then he went on to tell me that if there is such thing as reincarnation he's absolutely positive we will "get it right" and be together in the next life. How ironic to hear his words and then read this just a few days later ….
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betadad July 7, 2010 at 5:06 pm
I don't know if this will help or hinder your melancholia, but I first heard the phrase "The heart wants what it wants" from Woody Allen when he was explaining why he had been dating his adopted daughter.
Hope your heart feels better!
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