Damn that Clark Kent’s Lunchbox guy. I spend half my time trying to come up with a way to outdo him. Yes mommy bloggers, the sordid truth is that sometimes we daddy bloggers have our own drama. Y’all might be fighting over being a brand ambassador for Playtex or Coach, but that is nothing compared to having to fight the man of steel.
Really, the man is a published author and has a better name for his blog. And if that wasn’t enough he cleverly proves that he is far cooler than I am by claiming he is uncool in a guest blog. I couldn’t get away with saying that I got weepy during a Matthew McConaughey movie. You’d read that and think that Jack is one sick and twisted puppy. Ok, you probably think that already-but if you didn’t then you would and what would happen then.
And then just to add insult to injury the man pours acid on my wounds by allowing me to be a guest blogger over at his joint. If you haven’t read Jack Explains The Rules Of Guest Blogging…In A Guest Blog or The Random Thoughts Of Jack Be Nimble you are missing out. Yes, that is shameless promotion but when one is fighting to be a blogging superstar there are things that you must do.
Which is why I should mention that our man is speaking at the M3 conference while yours truly will be home drinking from his cup of bitterness. The premier daddy blogger conference that is going to set the tone for the coming revolution and me, the chief revolutionary not there. Yep, I might as well get drunk and lay down in a ditch you bastards. Damn, I wish that you could have heard me growl that last line, I am getting really good at being the grand old curmudgeon of daddy bloggers.
But I can accept these things. I can deal with it all because I am a big boy and that is what big boys do. On a side note that reminds me of something- parents buy your children shoes with laces as it galls me to no end to see 15 year-old boys who have mastered the X-Box become befuddled and betwixt when they graduate from velcro to shoe laces.
And now that we have let the train run straight off of the tracks let’s try to reset and get back on topic. Where were we? Oh yes, Mr. Lunchbox we were about to talk about you and your GI system. Dammit, I have made my bones here in the blogosphere with classic GI tales like Jack’s Experience In the Ladies Room, I have a dsyfunctional digestive system and A Little Digestive Distress- Chicken Vindaloo.
So I am ready to throw down the gauntlet and match your forays into flatulence. Bring on the biological warfare because I love to battle and allow me to say that you really don’t want to be blown away in this battle.
And now you must excuse me I am in search of a monster burrito, some chocolate milk and an energy drink. That should set me up nicely for quite the tale of bathroom blogging. So do your best to be Charmin, you Mr. Whipple wannabe- I am ready.