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The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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Archives for October 2010

When Bloggers Bully

October 26, 2010 by Jack Steiner 1 Comment

The fastest way to make friends and enemies in blogging is remarkably simple. All you need to do is create and publish a list called “Best” or “Most Popular” and you are guaranteed to be praised and criticized for your wisdom and or tunnel vision. The interesting thing about it is that it doesn’t matter whether you are an expert in a particular field or the most popular blogger in your niche because you will make waves.

You can blame it on human nature or spin it any way you want to because the truth is that with few exceptions most bloggers want to be praised for their work. Most want to have millions of readers and comment sections that are overflowing with discussions about the most recent posts.

None of this should be seen as being exceptionally profound or insightful because it doesn’t take a P.H.D. to point out that politics, popularity contests and jealousy rear their heads in the blogosphere with the same frequency as they do everywhere else in life.

However, the thing that is different about the blogosphere is that the lack of face-to-face contact provides a fertile ground for bad behavior. When you don’t have to look someone in the eye it is really easy to write a post or posts in which you lambaste them. When you don’t worry about seeing someone at the office, grocery store or school yard it can feel like you have a license to impugn their character and make nasty comments about their person, looks, blog and or integrity.

Still, that is just a prelude to one of the more significant issues that comes along with blogging…bullies. Yes, the scourge of the schoolyard has somehow managed to find his/her way into the blogosphere. It is a sad but true story about how sometimes a lack of accountability morphs into a very ugly atmosphere.

It really shouldn’t be surprising to learn that there are bloggers who engage in bullying because the sad reality is that bullying is a trait/characteristic that is all too human in nature.

But what distinguishes the bloggers who bully from the kid on the schoolyard is their reach. A popular blogger has a reach that the schoolyard bully can only dream of.

A popularblogger can literally unleash a horde of angry people upon your and or your business.

If you are a comic book geek like me you have heard the expression that with great power comes great responsibility more times than you can count. That has never been truer than in regard to the popularbloggers. It is not just because of the number of people that they influence but because what is published online lives on in perpetuity.

Spend a little time reading parenting blogs and you will find numerous posts that discuss educating our children about this topic and why it is so very important to be careful about what we publish. It is because the Internet is unforgiving. If you find a way to act like fool or an ignorant jackass you might be privileged to share the moment again with your great grandchildren.

Another danger that stems from the popular bloggers influence is that their bullying isn’t always seen for what it is. The written word is very different from the spoken. Without verbal clues it becomes harder to discern sarcasm or attempts at humor. It is also different because those who are less technologically savvy may not always recognize just how many people are participating in the free for all.

In person it is much easier to gauge how many people are participating in a particular activity. On the school yard you can see when it is one versus many- but that same clarity isn’t so obvious online.

But that doesn’t lessen the sting of the words or the bite of the consequences.There is no mitigating factor here. You don’t get to say that you didn’t know or you didn’t mean it. That assumes that one day you feel badly about your actions and decide that you wish to apologize for them.

The best advice that I can provide for any blogger is the same thing that I tell my children. Do your best to treat others the way that you want to be treated and try to remember that good intentions can sometimes go bad. Sometimes the best thing you can do is say you are sorry and move on. Because when the lights go out and you are left alone with your thoughts your conscience will always let you know whether you did right or wrong.

Filed Under: Blogging

More fun Than A Root Canal

October 25, 2010 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

If you have to ask what is more fun than a root canal and two crowns you clearly haven’t had the pleasure of undergoing all three procedures in a single day. I am told that it would be wrong to compare water boarding to the joys of a four hour stint in the dentist’s chair.

And in all fairness there is no doubt that it was my choice to be there. I was free to leave any time I wanted to but that provided limited solace and support. I still had lie back and listen to the sound of the drill and there was no doubt that the smoke I smelled was coming from the fire in my mouth.

There may not have been flames but it is not an exaggeration to mention the smoke nor to say that this time I was truly spitting blood.

So for two days now I have been sucking down Vicodin and Amoxicillin. For two days I have been shocked that my mouth feels like someone has been messing around inside there. Really, I shouldn’t be surprised by any of this. The soft tissue isn’t made to be stabbed, tied, poked and or prodded in this manner.

Needless to say I haven’t been my normal cheerful self. Funny how not being able to chew on the left side of my mouth has made me a little bit edgy. But have no fear I am sure in the not so distant future you’ll see the same old Jack you have grown to know and love- all sunshine and roses.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

The Many Layers of Hell

October 25, 2010 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

I can’t remember who said that there are many levels of Hell, but I know that there are many and that I have been to at least a couple. The Department of Motor Vehicles, The Mall during the holidays and most recently Costco and Trader Joe’s market on a Sunday afternoon.

It is common knowledge among the intellectual elite that venturing to a Trader Joe’s, home of “Two Buck Chuck” vintage wines and fine cheeses will involve solving a puzzle that is a prerequisite for entrance into Mensa. It is called parking. Some sick man/woman in their corporate office gleefully searches for store locations that cannot support the traffic that the store will bring, or so it seems.

I conducted an unscientific survey in which I drove to four stores and then polled the people there and the three dogs that were tied up in front of the stores about this. All of them agree that parking at any Trader Joe’s is an exercise in treachery and guile best left to politicians or those of low moral fiber.

But food is the way to my heart, next to the miles of veins and arteries interred inside my body and I decided that my family required sustenance. As the hunter-gatherer in the household I was required by nature to dare to traverse the challenges that this entailed.

So I ask the dear reader, was I just fool hardy on this errand or is it poor customer service to ask your customers to engage in demolition derby so that they can frequent your store in hope’s of buying food. All I know is that the experience in the parking lot was merely a warm-up for what was waiting inside. As I approached the store I grabbed a shopping cart and bravely entered, armed for bear and ready for hand-to-hand combat.

Needless to say I was not surprised to find aisles packed with hungry shoppers all of whom had the same shopping list as I. Who would have thought that we all needed cheese, soy milk, crackers, cereal, chocolate, wine, juice and produce, more specifically blueberries. The same evil executive who designed the parking lot was surely chuckling as we banged and bounced off of each other’s carts and bodies. In my younger days I would have enjoyed the adventure, but now it just rubbed me raw.

After what felt like days I managed to check out and take my purchases home for deposit into the refrigerator and cupboards. But something in my skull must have been jarred during this experience, because I knew that my shopping was not done. Now I had to run the gauntlet and go to Costco.

Costco, another parking nightmare not unlike Trader Joe’s, but on a much larger scale. Costco, where I knew that the primitives would lose their minds and trample me and small children in the fight to get the free sample of the seafood dip or the greasy slice of pizza. Costco where you go broke saving money by purchasing two tons of toilet paper at a time.

The good news is that you’ll never worry about wiping, but you may worry about wiping out your checkbook. That is assuming of course that you can get a parking space without being overcome by road rage. And assuming that you manage to win the fight to maintain composure there is still the very real chance that you may succumb to some other malady, some other shopping rage. There is only so much one person can take. You can’t be bumped and pushed a hundred times or prevented from reading the description of that new fruit drink they are offering. Heaven forbid, you might miss out on taking advantage of the deep discount they offer for a trough of butter.

Why oh why do the folks in Kirkland not understand that we want, no must have parking attendants in the lot, turn signals on the carts and signal lights on the aisles. How much more bruising can a person’s lower back take before Kirkland understands that shopping carts need padding.

Because the tragedy of this is that while you can shop at both of these stores online you cannot squeeze the pears, nor smell the sausage or appreciate the scent of a good melon. There are still some challenges that technology has yet to overcome. Oh the humanity of it all.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

The Red Dress

October 22, 2010 by Jack Steiner 1 Comment

“I thought about you for a long time
Can’t seem to get you off my mind
I can’t understand why we’re living life this way
I found your picture today
I swear I’ll change my ways
I just called to say I want you to come back home
I found your picture today
I swear I’ll change my ways
I just called to say I want you to come back home
I just called to say, I love you come back home”
Picture– Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow

Sometimes the only explanation for the unexplainable is that there is no explanation. This is never more true than in what some people call affairs of the heart. When you are dealing with the heart there is nothing more frustrating than trying to apply the rules of logic and reason for no reason other than The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants.

It is exactly that simple. The heart wants what the heart wants and rational thought be damned. You can only fight it for so long before you realize that you can’t apply mathematical formulas to your relationships. No matter how hard you try you won’t find a scientific explanation that ties it all up in a neat little bow. But if your name is Johnny you have a thick head and a stubborn streak that won’t allow you to accept this.

So you’ll fight your heart and do your best to convince yourself that your head is capable of making good decisions, sound decisions that are based upon that logic and reason you so wish applied here. For a while force of will combined with a dash of anger/frustration will prove to be a recipe for some muted success.

During that time you will have managed to quash most thoughts of June or stuff them down so far that you don’t feel the hole that her absence has created. Time passes and it becomes a little bit easier to convince yourself that you are doing the right thing. Each day without contact serves its purpose in providing you with a check mark on the mental calendar that you keep to prove that you can live without her.

But that only works for so long. It is effectiveness is challenged by odd coincidences that remind you of her. You know, things happen that make you wonder if signs are real and you ask the universe to stop sending this crap your way because you don’t want to be made into a fool. And though you pride yourself on your strength to weather any storm you find that these signs are too odd to ignore.

They are combinations of names, people and places that you cannot associate with anyone else but her. You fight a bit longer to stay silent and to not scream at the world in anger. Anger because you can’t explain the unexplainable and frustration because that which you want is unavailable. Anger because just when you think you are fine you find out that you are not.

This Time you can explain/blame some of it on a red dress. A simple red dress that just happens to be worn by the very same woman you are pretending not to love anymore. A simple red dress that she wears with elegance and grace. A simple red dress that looks so good on her you know that she can’t walk through a room without other women silently cursing her.

It is not easy for you to see her from a distance. It is not easy because you feel a connection to her that never disappears. No matter how angry you might have been or how angry you may become with her that connection pulls you back in.

For a long time you sat in silence because you thought that was appropriate and because she gave you no reason to do other than that. You have told her more than once that you would be her hero and that you would storm any castle to rescue her. There are no dragons that you wouldn’t fight nor challenges that you wouldn’t take on for her.

But you cannot do it alone and you know this. You cannot give her the moon unless she is ready and willing to take it. Force of will isn’t enough to make her do what she will not do of her own accord. Though it pains you terribly to accept this you do because it is the only thing that you can do.

For the time being you must continue to play the role of the hero who cannot rescue the damsel in distress. For the time being you must walk a separate path that you hope will one day intersect with hers. For the time being you must continue to dance in the fire because that’s what is required.

But you can take solace and comfort that time is proving that you were right about many things. Right to let her go try to find her smile and to give her space to come back to you. And now if your gut instinct is to be trusted she is slowly taking steps in your direction. So while your instinct is to run towards her you stay planted where you are.

Planted in a place where she can find you and with open arms that will welcome her back to them. And in between it all you can’t help but smile at the mental image you have of that beautiful woman in the red dress. So you close your eyes to block out the outside noise and picture her walking towards you. Long legs, dark eyes and a huge heart stare back at you and you smile broadly.

For the moment that is all that you have, this memory and this picture. It makes you snort and smile, this thought of how very strange life can be. Who knew that a picture of your girl in the red dress could make your heart pound like this.

Oh Mary
Was it just a dream
That I dreamed the other night?
I saw you there
Standing right beside me
And we finally had it right
Oh Mary Oh Mary Oh
Mary Oh Mary Oh Mary Oh
Talkin’ out love
Mary Oh Mary Oh
No, I don’t want nothing in between
Mary Oh Mary
Don’t tie me to words that you don’t mean
Mary Oh Mary Oh
I’m looking for something I never knew
Mary Oh Mary Oh
Oh Mary you know I’m looking for you”
Oh Mary– Neil Diamond

Filed Under: Fragments of Fiction

Must Blogging Have a Purpose

October 22, 2010 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

(Two years later I still ask some of the same questions)

About once a week I come across in article that offers stats that are supposed to show that blogging is so common that it is uncommon for people not to have one. My experience doesn’t support that premise. I know very few people that have blogs or at least very few that admit to it.

As a point of clarification let me say that I am referring to people I knew prior to beginning my blogging career. With the exception of two people on the blogroll I really didn’t know anyone who was blogging until after I leapt into the blogosphere.

The wild and woolly blogosphere who has finally gained acceptance as a medium that can affect public opinion. One of the great social equalizers. Here in the blogospheres looks and money are far less important than the real world. Here in the blogosphere anyone and everyone can become an internet hero and leverage their blog into fame and fortune.

“Fame and fortune, that is why people begin blogging, isn’t it, Jack?” Now I am paraphrasing, but that is a question that I have been asked many times. It goes alongside of you have to be a real narcissist or have an ego the size of cleveland to blog don’t you.

The answer to the question of “must blogging have a purpose” is no. It doesn’t. There is no requirement to do so.

The critical question is why do you want to blog. Once you answer that question than it is much easier to determine what are appropriate follow up questions as well as what answers should be given for said questions.

If you can answer why you want to blog you can address whether your blogging should have purpose. I would argue that having a purpose offers significant advantages/benefits in that it allows you to construct a plan of action. Said plan provides opportunity to set goals and check them off your list. Some people love being able to make those lists just so that they can check off their accomplishments.

As is my wont I have been thinking again about where I want this blog to go and what I hope to achieve. It is not what it once was, although I am no longer sure what I thought that it was. At one point in time I tried to create a separate blog that I would use to serve as a tool to highlight important posts.

For a variety of reasons that blog kind of fizzled out. I suppose that you could attribute it to a lack of time and lack of a clear purpose.

So maybe the real answer is that blogging must have a purpose.

What do you think?

Filed Under: Blogging

Facebook Privacy Issues

October 22, 2010 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

The Wall Street Journal ran a disturbing article that provided details about an investigation that they ran on Facebook regarding privacy issues. Take a look at this:

Many of the most popular applications, or “apps,” on the social-networking site Facebook Inc. have been transmitting identifying information—in effect, providing access to people’s names and, in some cases, their friends’ names—to dozens of advertising and Internet tracking companies, a Wall Street Journal investigation has found.

The issue affects tens of millions of Facebook app users, including people who set their profiles to Facebook’s strictest privacy settings. The practice breaks Facebook’s rules, and renews questions about its ability to keep identifiable information about its users’ activities secure.

The Journal ties this into companies that are building databases that track user activities online. The article says that 10 of the most popular apps on Facebook were transmitting user ID information to other companies. One of the bigger names that was listed was Zynga, the maker of Farmville,Texas HoldEm Poker and FrontierVille.

Good old Zynga whose CEO Mark Pincus says “I Did Every Horrible Thing In The Book To Just Get Revenue Right Away.” (Hat tip to Jessica Gottlieb for the video below)

His behavior is shameful and reprehensible. He talks about controlling his destiny as if that justifies his bad behavior. It reminds me of the discussion my son and I had following his soccer game last week. To recap, we were short one referee so the father of one of the players on the other team stepped in and did his best to ensure that his son’s team could not lose the game.

Needless to say my son and his teammates were irate as were the parents. I am a hard nosed competitor and out on the field I do my best to give you all that you can handle but I don’t want to win at any cost. And I don’t want my children to be taught that it is ok to employ a Machiavellian strategy in life either.

Zynga is rightfully being sued for their actions here as is Facebook.

Lawsuits in California and Rhode Island are taking aim at Facebook and its largest application maker, Zynga, alleging that they violated federal law by sending identifying information about their users to advertisers and Internet tracking companies.

The lesson/reminder here is that it is important to pay attention and monitor the services and sites that you use online.

Filed Under: Facebook

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