Fragments of Fiction

“As if you were on fire from within.

The moon lives in the lining of your skin.”
― Pablo Neruda

There was a time when I tried to kiss the queen and she pulled away.

She told me no and I respected her wishes but I was tempted to ask her to look in my eyes and tell me she didn’t like the electric shock our connected lips created.

Instead I stayed silent and waited to see if he would volunteer it on her own but she didn’t.

Time passed and when we connected again she kissed me though she would never admit to having made the first move.

After we had spent some time with locked lips I asked her if I was crazy and she said yes, but not about the feeling.

“I like kissing you.”

I smiled and told her we ought to make a coven tree about it.

She told me to shut up and kiss her some more.

“No more of those jokes or you get no more of this.”

I smiled again and felt her legs wrap around mine and of that moment no more is to be shared…here.

Ten thousand years ago in the time that was and the place that no longer exists some guy told a girl he would be willing to be close with her for a long time, maybe longer.

She said something like forever and a day and they developed a series of responses, comments and jokes ranging from MLBF, to YLC and a dozen others.

Earthquakes, fires and floods destroyed the castle and secret garden and for a long while they wandered alone and apart.

Some said they both met with moments of sincere heartache and unrest because of it and some said that neither really did.

Occasionally they’d come across each other and exchanged a series of moments in which they swore to never let each other go and to never speak again.

In short, it was a typical push/pull of people who couldn’t quite figure out what they were supposed to do and so they fumbled along.

A time came when he sent out a silent question asking her to answer who she really trusted.

“Who are you really close with and do you seriously not miss us.”

He knew what his answer was and sometimes he fought it. Sometimes he focused on all of the negatives and reasons not to let her in but she always found a way back to his heart.

Eventually he decided he wouldn’t try to control his thoughts or feelings about her and would see where it led.

So he looked at the moon and whispered his secret at it, “I miss her being my rock, even if she can be a pain-in-my-ass. What should I do about it?”

The man-in-the-moon just smiled and told him it would work out.

He shook his fist at him and said that is the kind of response I hate. It is a non-answer. “She won’t like it either.”

But the man didn’t respond.

Time Together

He walked under the dark night for a while longer and remembered how she told him she just wanted to spend time with him and smiled.

“That is what I want too. To get real-time for a while and to just be. Can’t know what I know without knowing more. Can’t test my hypothesis, can only hypothesize.

Even she would understand that, but I don’t know if she would admit it.”

He walked a while longer, looked at the sky and said he was certain under the right circumstances she would kiss him.

“I don’t know if that makes a difference or not. The right moment and the right combination of words. Especially because they wouldn’t be a line and she would know they were genuine.”

The moon remained silent but he swore he saw it wink at him. Not in a “taunting” kind of way but one that offered support.

And then he heard Hallelujah start playing and tried to discern if it was with romantic intent or something other than that.

For a moment he swore he could feel her hand grab his bicep and the other intertwine her fingers in his.

Was that a phoenix in the sky or just a comet streaking across the sky?

Probably didn’t matter as both were good and with that he smiled and kept walking.

Seven years ago we sat in a car talking about things that didn’t matter and then I surprised myself and asked her if she still loved me.

“Yes, I still do.”

An electric shock ran through my body and bells went off inside my head. If I told you when we kissed for the first time in forever that I heard angels sing and recognized the celebration of a heavenly chorus you might accuse me of hyperbole.

We found each other for a while and then one of those made for movies moments forced us apart again and we went our separate ways.

And just when it seemed like life couldn’t get stranger, harder or more bizarre it did and the roulette wheel we all ride along spit me out back on Black 69 in the place I had once been.

Years passed without any engagement between us and then we sat in a car alone again and I wondered about whether I ought to ask her the same question again.

“Do you still love me?”

Silence Speaks Volumes

We stared at each other but neither of us broached the topic and for a moment I wondered if that meant something.

I came to the conclusion that it didn’t mean anything and thought about whether I still loved her or if I loved a ghost that had once been.

Hell, I tried to convince myself that was it and that I missed a moment in time and nothing more than that.

That didn’t last because things happened that convinced me otherwise.

We continually sought each other out and danced around topics and situations. Sometimes delving into them just a bit and sometimes avoiding them altogether.

It convinced me that love still lasts on both sides and fear and uncertainty helped to maintain a fence between us.

Sometimes it is painful because we feel more connected than ever and yet aren’t. Sometimes that pain feels like a good lesson to pay close attention to those we care most about.

The hardest and most honest thing to admit is the sense that it is not done and that it is time is coming even if there is no physical evidence to support it.

It feels like a soft breeze that washes over me with hints and whispers of real thunder and rainfall. The kind where you look up and know if you don’t take cover you are going to be soaked.

You can see the clouds move in the distance, but it is hard to gauge how fast they’ll arrive or if other atmospheric phenomena will affect them and maybe the storm will dissipate before it can build.

I don’t wonder if she loves me because I know the answer is yes, she absolutely does. If I unexpectedly dropped dead it would be devastating for her and she’d feel like she lost a limb.

So I don’t know what is going to happen or when but ask if I have expectations and I’ll nod my head.

Can’t give you science but I can tell you if watch me walk along the country highway pulling my cart behind me you’ll see something.

Some will say they see just a man pulling a cart and some will provide more details, determined, broken, sad, joyful, exuberant and or angry.

Could be that some see none, some see all or some see a combination.

That is cuz the man pulling the cart is a human being and none of us are just one thing, we are some of everything.

Been meaning to update this joint for a while but I have been running, sometimes hearing this in my head as I fly headlong into the future.

Told a girl long ago never to doubt my ability to move heaven and earth to make things happen. Said it may feel slow but I work hard and given the right lever I can move the world.

Dared her to kiss me and promised to make her feel an electric shock that would wake her up and help her remember what she has forgotten.

And reminded her that our time on this earth is limited and we can all choose to use it in whatever fashion works for us.

There are no guarantees in life and I suspect that I cannot foretell just how things will or won’t play out in a variety of areas.

It is hard to not have control and to not to be able to count that things will go as we choose but then again you miss every shot you don’t take.

So I have focused primarily on that which I can and have had some significant success and hope to leverage that into bigger things.

And maybe, just maybe share some of that.

Time will tell with who and when, but it should make for a hell of a ride.

I wrote a letter to a girl in which I asked if we were falling or floating away or towards each other.

Heard soft voices rising and a sort of symphony that moved from silence to a roar and just watched.

It wasn’t easy to ignore my natural impulses to fire up the engine and come flying out of the garage racing towards that light I saw in the sky in the distance.

I won’t be the moth that flys into the flame but I will be the guy who sails to the end of the sea to see what lies upon the lonely isle.

I can’t ignore the rainbow and not find out if the leprechaun that lies upon the other side is friendly and willing to share his pot of gold.

Can’t just stare at the castle walls knowing I was on the other side and am not for silly or ridiculous reasons such as not asking for the drawbridge to be released.

That is what is different,.

There was a time when I would have just laid siege to the walls and now I take a gentler approach asking politely for doors to be opened.

It is remarkably effective and causes far less chaos.

The North Star

Some wolves howl because they are alone and wish not to be and others know it is a temporary thing.

They lean back and look at the north star and call out knowing eventually their call will be returned.

That answering howl comes and they walk swiftly and silently under the starry night sky towards their companion.

Time operates in the traditional sense in that it passes but it is not viewed traditionally. Some things don’t change just because time has passed.

They continue and exist regardless of the passage.

Some things simply are.