"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx
A few links and some music:
Me & The Ultimate Fighter- Road Rage
Walking With The Dead
Courtesy of the iTunes Shuffle:
As Good As I Once Was– Toby Keith
How Do You Like Me Now?! – Toby Keith
Waiting on a Woman– Brad Paisley
Thunderball– Tom Jones
Battle Without Honor or Humanity-Tomoyasu Hotei
Calling All Angels-Train
Panama-Van Halen
Long Live Rock (Kid’s Are Alright Mix)– The Who
Rain in the Summertime– The Alarm
Why Should I Care– Diana Krall
So here is the question of the moment, Do You Have An Accent? Not clear on what the meaning is, take a look at this link.
The latter part of the definition is really what we are talking about.
The word accent in English is also understood to mean the pronunciation and speech patterns that are typical of a speech community;
As a child I never realized that all people have accents, or should I say that it never occurred to me that people would think that my own speech has an accent. I grew up on the West Coast, Los Angeles born and bred. We didn’t sound like people from Long Island, Brooklyn, Nashville or Alpharetta.
And we certainly didn’t sound like we had rolled out of Tel Aviv, JoBurg, Sydney or Mexico City. To be clear, I have always enjoyed accents. It tickled me pink to hear people speak English yet sound so different. In fact, there was a point in time in which I was disappointed that I couldn’t speak with an English accent, but that was short lived.
It was during that famous summer of 1985 trip to Israel that I learned that people thought that I had an accent. I don’t remember exactly when it happened, but I do remember some Israeli boy telling me that I speak Hebrew with a thick American accent.
Whoa. What do you mean that I have an accent.
One of the other people with me confirmed it. He was a Jewish kid from Buenos Aires. He said that I sounded like an American.
I was truly dumbfounded by this because until that point, I had never thought of myself as having an accent, that was something that other people had. But I had to admit that it made sense, it hadn’t ever come up before.
In the years that have passed I have been told by others that I have an accent and I am sure that many of my international readers would agree with this. Upon occasion people tell me that they can hear some East Coast influence, or that pronounce some things like a Chicagoan.
I laugh when people think that I am from New York. IMO, my voice doesn’t sound like that at all. If I am around people with a thick Southern accent it is not unusual for me to start to affect a drawl. I have been asked if I am from Texas.
As for Chicago, well half my family is from there, including my mother so there is probably some truth to that.
One of the funnier occasions came during a wedding I once attended. The bride was Irish and quite a large number of the guests had come to the states to help her celebrate her nupitals. During the reception I walked over to the bar and placed an order for a drink.
The bartender smiled and began preparing it. While he was doing so he looked at me and said:
“I have Irish relatives. What part of Ireland are you from?”
I laughed and said “Hollywood.”
The bartender scratched his head and said “Wow, you know that we have a city called Hollywood too.”
Now I’d like to say that it was an easy mistake to make. I’d like to say that he was competing with the band and that some trombonist was especially loud, but that wouldn’t be true. The band was on a break. It was relatively quiet so I said,
“Begorra, this ale do taste mighty fine.”
It probably sounded more like pirate than Irish, but it fit my mood and was lot kinder than asking him if I looked like Lucky the Leprechaun from the Lucky Charms cereal box.
And while we are on the topic of accents let me share something else. Someone once told me that Australian women loved to hear American men speak. The legend said that if you found a nice Australian girl your voice would give you an edge. As a scientist I have always been disappointed that I couldn’t test that theory. In the interest of discovery and human development I would have enjoyed running a lab on that.
Anyhooo………………………………………….
Let’s go back to the topic of the post. Do You Have an Accent?
A new insert for Fragments of Fiction;
“Ran into you yesterday
Memories rushed through my brain
it started to hit me
now you’re not with me
I realized I made a mistake
I thought I needed some space
But I just let love go to waste
This Time– John Legend
It sounds like a cheap rip off of a Beatles song but when I saw you standing there my heart stopped beating for a moment. You took my breath away and for a moment I didn’t know where I was or why I was there. And then just like in the movies there was a loud whoosh and suddenly time started moving and the loud noise that I found so irritating turned into a woman saying, “excuse me.”
I moved out of the way and wondered what to do. You were standing there in a red dress, completely unaware that I was in the store. I took two steps backwards and one to the side. I was so stunned to see you there that I needed a moment to compose myself. Thirty seconds wasn’t enough time to figure out whether I should slip away unseen or come say hello.
Don’t think you ever realized how much I enjoyed just watching you. In the old days I would watch you brush your hair or read the paper. You always had this natural grace and beauty that was and is refreshing. No pancake makeup. I remember how sometimes you’d catch me looking at you and then say, “what.” I’d tell you that I liked looking at you and sometimes you’d blush.
It used to make me laugh, but sweetly. Sometimes when we would kiss I’d keep my eyes open intentionally knowing full well that you’d feel me staring and open yours. But every now and then you’d fool me and I’d find dark eyes staring back at me with the same intensity as my own.
That intensity, it is part and parcel of us now, then and forever. Kind of silly to say now because there is no us anymore, at least not now. Or so I tell myself. It is what I have to say because my heart and my head are at war. I really don’t know which one to trust or listen to. Can’t help but believe that this is a break, just time apart.
But maybe I am wrong. Maybe I was a fool or am or still are. I just don’t know. All I can say is that everything about you feels unexpected and un-something or other. It is like one day life was one way and then the next it was different. You were a part of it and things were better than they had ever been. I had found the great love of my life, the woman I called my girl and so much more. You helped me realize and understand things about myself and relationships that I had never known.
And then when you left it was complete carnage, a storm that came through and just wrecked my sense of perspective and understanding- destroyed my equilibrium. I kid around about being a hardass and a tough guy, but in some respects it is true. I am freaking tough in every way and have been for years. It is just been a part of me for so long that I don’t know how to reconcile having that hard shell torn off and no one there.
“It’s so crystal clear now
that I need your here now
I gotta get you back today”
For a while I tried to get you back. I did what I could to appeal to you in every way that I could think of, but it didn’t work. I told myself that you wouldn’t really go away, said that it couldn’t be. We both agreed that the world had to have a minimum of 10,000 people that we could fall in love with. It was logical, rational, made sense, but when have logic or sense had anything to do with love.
So I stand there in the store staring at you, thinking about all these things and remembering it all. A thousand thoughts swirling through my head I can’t help but get frustrated. Is your appearance simply coincidence or is the universe sending me a message. If it is coincidence I don’t have to do anything, I can just stand here and stare. But what if it is a sign, what if this is the universe saying, “go talk to her.” What happens if I don’t, am I blowing it again.
Coincidence doesn’t mean that I can’t talk to you or that it can’t lead down the path I so dearly hope it will, but it might not. If I don’t talk to you I can’t be disappointed if you don’t want to talk or the conversation doesn’t go well.
But that doesn’t sit so well with me either. I am not the guy who hides from life. That fire in my belly burns brightly because I go the distance, I take the chance that dancing in the fire might burn me. But oh lord that ring of fire we kid around about burns so fiercely.
“Last time I wasn’t sure
This time I will give you more
I’m more mature
I’ll show you
Last time I didn’t know
I messed up and let you go
I need you
don’t say no.
Lying alone in this room
All that is missing is you
pick up the phone
Won’t you come home?”
That is what I want, for your to come home. That is what I want, to make a life with you and to fulfill the potential that lies there waiting for us to take it. And then you turn and look in my direction and my heart stops again. I almost fall down trying to hide from you. I am not ready, can’t talk to you- not yet. I need another moment. I need to figure out what to say.
Got to have a silly story that I can tell, try to make you laugh. Got to have something innocuous that doesn’t make me sound like an idiot but gives me room to make a dignified exist if necessary. I can see you staring in my direction. I know that look, you aren’t sure if you saw me, but you suspect that you might have. At least that is how I am interpreting it. For all I know you might be wondering if your favorite ice cream is located over here.
And wouldn’t that be fitting. Me standing here like some bumbling fool wondering if you have seen me while you are trying to figure out if this is the place to get some Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough or whatever flavor it is that you’d like.
See if life were like the movies you’d walk over here and I would be waiting with a box of Godiva chocolates and a dozen red roses. Do they sell either one of those in the frozen foods section? I don’t think so.
My mind is racing a mile a minute so I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I need something to calm me down, center me. I want to open my eyes and be cool like Rick in Casablanca but am afraid that what will come out will be a cross between Rocky and Porky Pig.
The thought makes me giggle, “Eye of the Tiger” baby, that is what I need. For a moment I am lost, I can hear the song and I visualize myself in the gym punching a heavy bag. Can’t help myself, I am the idiot shadowboxing with the Tombstone Frozen Pizza.
Now I can hear the theme to Rocky, Gonna Fly Now. I am running through the streets of Philadelphia, kids trailing after me, I am running up the stairs straight to the top- no stopping me. In a moment I’ll be at the top, jumping up and down I’ll throw my arms up in an exultation of victory.
Except when I open my eyes you’ll be gone. My Adrian isn’t running to the ring to congratulate the champ. There is no Paulie to exchange witty banter with and later when I get home there is no Mickey in my corner to tell me to keep fighting.
It is just me and my memories because for now I have to live my life alone and apart. Later I’ll sit on the couch and admit that my heart is still broken and wonder how long before it heals this time. Because the one really valuable thing about life experience is that I know it will heal and that the sun is going to shine again.
And while I sit there I decide that it is good that we didn’t speak. I have some plans of my own that I am working on. Got some things that I have to do, goals to be accomplished. I am doing them for you, but if God smiles upon us and we find our way back to each other it will be good for both of us. And if not it is good for me so it is a win-win.
Because though I still love and miss you I am living my life. It would be better if you were in it, but for now you aren’t so I’ll chalk this up as just time to get new stories to tell you. And I’ll make a mental note to ask you to wear that red dress for me because you looked amazing in it.
Anyway, after that episode in the store I loaded up the iPod with Rocky and other workout music. Might as well make use of the extra time and energy. Not going to say goodbye because I don’t say it so I’ll leave you with the very hokey, “Gonna Fly Now.”
Don’t read this post unless you are prepared to embark on an experience like no other. It is not an exaggeration or hyperbole to say so, really it is not. Hell the damn Bloggess can write about a Bloody Horse so why can’t I write the greatest post you have never read. So take a moment to listen to the words found below. I’ll wait.
Are you done listening yet? It doesn’t matter because time doesn’t wait for anyone and Jack has to use the damn bathroom so he is typing furiously and talking about himself in the third person. Two days later and my mouth finally stopped aching from the visit to the dentist.
So happy to know that I get to go back next week to find out if I am going to have a root canal. Never had one of those and would prefer not to. It sounds about as enjoyable as allowing the doc to shove a camera up my butt so that he can confirm that the G.I. system is working properly.
Well, that damn G.I. system is not working the way that it should and it sucks. Unless of course you need a man who can be rented out a weapon of mass destruction. There, I just created a new position for myself. I am going to head over to Afghanistan with three quarts of chocolate milk and six pounds of Taco Bell. In less than an hour I’ll have that Taliban running for the border or lying upon the ground incapacitated and begging for help.
Was that TMI? I sure hope not because I am just getting warmed up. Because the best part of engaging in that sort of horrific gastronomic experience is knowing that after it is all said and done I will be 27.8 pounds lighter. Damn, I ought to find out when my next high school reunion is and give myself the same treatment.
Of course it won’t matter that my waist will suddenly allow me to fit into my 1985 pair of 501s because the damn hairline won’t keep up. I have mixed emotions about that. I wore a flat top throughout the majority of high school. I loved my hair that way. I was a swimmer so I really didn’t want much to begin with and even better was knowing that it was the perfect sleep and wear style.
I could roll out of my bed run two fingers through it and I was good to go for the rest of the day.
Tomorrow I get to play soccer coach again. Most of the time I really enjoy it. I like giving back and coaching is an easy way to do it. But some of these parents need a heavy dose of reality kicking them in the ass. They have this misconception that their little Johnny is going to be good enough to play pro ball. It would be great if their opinion was based upon a realistic appraisal of their child’s skills but it doesn’t look like it now.
I have a simple philosophy. Have fun and play hard. I want the kids to learn and improve but you don’t bring them to AYSO to make them in to soccer stars. So grow up, get a life and stop making the kids miserable with unrealistic expectations. And remember I haven’t any problem telling you stop acting like a douchebag so please don’t.
Well my friends my kids are finally home so it is time for old Jack to sign off and go play with them. Be well, have fun and I’ll check back in with you a bit later….maybe.
And your blast from the past:
Triage For a Goldfish- Resuscitating The Fish
Traveling Jack’s Sideshow Extravaganza