Archives for November 2010

Two weeks ago the Traveling Jack show left the comfortable confines of the home office in paradise for a quick trip across country. A lovely experience in which your favorite father’s plane departed California at 10:30 P.M. and arrived at Dulles at 6:30 A.M.

Twelve hours later the crazy man boarded a plane back home. Stuffed full of coffee, a bagel and 17 gallons of Pho he spent the entire plane ride wondering if the crazy clevelander behind him would do him a favor and swallow her tongue.

Ok, in the interest of disclosure I don’t know where that woman was from nor did I pray for her to swallow her tongue. Rather I silently begged G-d to sew her mouth shut or make her move to a different seat. I blame that upon extreme fatigue and the foul smell of caviar that was emanating from her bag. Who brings caviar on a plane and more importantly, who eats it while sitting in coach. Really.

But none of that is important nor tied into the real point of this post. Because what this is about is dancing with reckless abandon. Yep, it is about standing up and shaking your ass without any regard for rhythm or rhyme. It is about being completely unaware of just how awful you look.

It is standing in a room with no one but your children and you and finding out that three of you are moving your bodies to the music. You don’t know how or why it started but you don’t care. Don’t care because your daughter is laughing so hard you wonder how she hasn’t wet her pants. Don’t care because her big brother is a part of this moment too.

This crazy and special moment that has spontaneously appeared. You are smart enough not to run get a camera because you don’t know how long it will last and you fear missing it. You don’t stop to blog or tweet about it because again it is unclear whether it will be 30 seconds or 30 minutes.

For a moment time stands still and you who are exceptionally self conscious about dancing move because you don’t care. The kids haven’t a clue and more importantly they are having way too much fun. You do all you can to enjoy the moment for no other reason than just because. You smile because you know that this is something that you will all remember. You laugh because it is contagious and you can never laugh too hard or too long.

For that moment in time all is perfect in the world and there is no doubt that you will all pass through the coming storms. And again you are reminded that a life is made up of these moments in time. Pieces of a puzzle that you continue to build and shape as you go.

And so you dance with your children and wonder if their laughter isn’t the same sort of sound that the angels in heaven might make.

The most popular posts from the past 30 days in no particular order:

• A Decade of Dad 
• Some Wounds Take Longer To Heal 
• What Is The Most Challenging Aspect of Blogging? 
• When Bloggers Bully 
• Dear June- Winter Comes 
• The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants 
• A Father Describes Parenting
• There Are Places I Remember

“she runs from my words and hides from my heart
and all the while it weeps endlessly
while my soul reaches for hers
and wonders why it doesn’t answer”

Someone asked me why I have devoted so much time to blogging and whether I thought it was worth it. The underlying message was an unspoken accusation that I was wasting my time, using it unwisely. It is not the first time that I have heard such words or felt someone judge me for how I choose to engage with others. It didn’t bother me then and it doesn’t bother me now.

Engagement with others is what makes the blogosphere so very interesting. Interacting with other fathers and hearing their stories about their lives, desires and interests. Walking amongst the mothers and listening to what they say about their lives and their roles is so very interesting to me. We are all parents and people yet our perspectives can be so very different.

It doesn’t matter whether we are both witnessing the same event at the same time our experiences, thoughts and ideas provide very different filters through which we process and account for what we just did. That is a sterile way of saying that we might be staring at the same picture but we have different interpretations of what happens. I find that fascinating.

Engagement is undoubtedly a big part of why you see me here day in and day out. I write to connect with others. I put pen to paper and try to paint a picture of the things I see and hope that you too can see the images that are splashed across the mental canvas inside my head. Radiant colors intermixed with a symphony of sounds are constantly parading before my eyes.

Somewhere out there the song of my heart sometimes takes a moment to check in and read what I have laid down. It doesn’t happen as often as once does but it still takes place. I suspect that in part it doesn’t because there is power in these words and images. These words serve as a secondary bridge that we use to connect in places that words can’t occupy nor describe.

Call it hyperbole but I think of it as a spiritual and emotional connection that cannot be understood unless it is experienced. There is a depth and an intensity there that lies beyond my ability to describe but that doesn’t preclude me from trying to find the words that will demonstrate it in a fashion that can be understood. Perhaps it is that lack of understanding that I find so intriguing.

Sometimes I try to describe it as a that burning ring of fire that never is quenched. Other times I think of it as being similar to holding water in the palm of my hand. If I hold still and am careful for a moment I am granted a chance to stop and stare at it, but I dare not squeeze. For if I try to hold on too tight it slips out of my grasp and runs between my fingers to places unseen and unknown.

It is the ultimate fishing trip. I throw out my line and hope that the bait is taken so that I can ever so gently reel that line back in. It is an incredible exercise in patience for that is not my nature. If I gave in I would start turning and pulling as fast as possible using speed and brute strength to try and obtain that which I seek.

Here in cyberspace I use this sandbox of mine as a place to explore the alternatives. A safe oasis in which I can explore and examine thoughts, ideas and execution. Here in cyberspace is where I am affirmed and reaffirmed for beliefs in ideas that are different or unconventional. It is where I am challenged and questioned.

Sometimes the challenges come from the outside but more often than not I find that my accuser is someone who knows me on an intimate level and is well acquainted with both strengths and weaknesses. They know which barbs will sting the most and when false bravado is being flashed instead of truth.

They know because they are me and I am they. Like I once said I am my greatest critic. You cannot find anyone who is harder on me than myself. Here in this corner of cyberspace I engage in the great debate and find answers to the questions that plague me or at least I try to.

Here in this corner of cyberspace I record family memories and thoughts about it all. For better or for worse it serves as a chronicle of life and a place that I use to connect with others. I have not exaggerated when I said that I write for myself but it would be wrong not to say that my writing is also a way to connect with others.

I often complain about the holiday season. I wished death upon the Easter Bunny and Santa. Some of that is serious and some of that is nonsense.

This morning as I bounced around the blogosphere I stumbled onto a bunch of posts in which people reflected on life and some of the loved ones that they miss. It really made me think about some things that are going on now and the people that I care about because there are a few whose absence I really notice.

Some people play too big a role in our lives for us not to miss them.  They come into our lives and they change things, or maybe things change. I am not alway quite sure how that works.

I am not talking about the obvious ones. This isn’t about parents or siblings. It is understood that they play a huge role. Rather I am thinking about the unexpected impact that others can have upon you.

I am thinking about the people who enter your life and whose presence fills up empty places that you never knew or didn’t realize were empty. The people who make you feel whole and joyful. Those folks whose presence just makes your body and soul tingle in ways that aren’t based upon lust alone.

Sometimes you read these sorts of posts and you shake your head because you don’t really believe that such a thing can happen. You think that it is an exaggeration or something else. Maybe to some it is, but others know differently.

I have heard people talk about people coming into your life for a reason or a season, or something along those lines. I don’t know if I believe that. Not sure that I believe in destiny or that I don’t believe in it. What I do know is solely based upon my experience.

There are people who come into your life through unexpected means who hold a place that is significant in your heart. And since you never know what can happen you need to take advantage of that time for however long it is because you’d miss them if they were gone.

I like to visualize it all as a journey.Blame it on an overactive imagination and having read Tolkien too many times. But I almost always picture myself riding/walking through some amazing land. Sometimes it is a forest or meadow, other times it is a beach or desert.

Along the way I encounter many different people. Some are friends and some are foes. Some become companions that join me on my journey and we share adventures. Sometimes you lose those companions or sometimes you part ways for a while and rejoin each other at a later date.

Don’t ask me to get more descriptive of who I see myself as. Definitely not Gandalf, Sam or Frodo. Not Boromir or Legolas or Aragorn. I am just me, some guy who finds himself in all sorts of places and predicaments. Sometimes they turn out incredibly well and others not so well.

All I know is that Some people play too big a role in our lives for us not to miss them.  I know who I miss and so do they.

Who do you miss?

(yeah, this is recycled)