Talking About Self Love
Some of the degenerates that hang out here and around the net are going to misunderstand that headline. This isn’t about pleasuring yourself in that way or the pursuit of hedonistic pleasures although there are elements that pertain to it. Rather it is tied into posts that I have written, read and discussions that I have had with friends about our dreams. It is about our fear of failure and acknowledging that there are things that we do that prevent us from following our dreams.
We love our children and work to give them lives that make them happy. We drive ourselves into the ground to give them what they ask for and to help them make their dreams come true. When your child is in danger you don’t stop to consider whether you will get hurt before you act. You take the bullet, you step inside the burning building or you fight the lion barehanded. Â Don’t believe me, threaten a child and watch their mom/dad turn into the Hulk. I can’t think of my children getting hurt without puffing up my chest and clenching my fist.
So my friends I have to ask the question, why don’t we love ourselves enough to fight harder for our dreams. Why do we let the voices in our head pick away at us. Why don’t we show the same faith in ourselves that we have in our children. What is wrong with us? When we look at the people who are living the dream life we think about what do we see that is different about them?
I say that most of them are no different. I say that most of them have the same fears, concerns and insecurities as anyone else. Sure there are going to be those people who are smarter, wiser, better looking etc. Some of them are going to outclass us in some areas, but so what. Why do they deserve it more than we do. Why do they have what you want.
Now mind you that what you want is a subjective question and it is something that changes over time. I have spent hours thinking about what it is that I want. I have put the time in because I have decided that I am beyond ready to go get it. I share some of those things here because they are things that we can all relate to. Some of them I keep to myself because for the moment they are too personal, too intimate to let others see.
But the one thing I know is that I have a plan and I am working on it. When the boys and I talk about our dreams I keep harping on the reminder to show some self love and to respect ourselves enough to fight for what we want. That doesn’t mean that we ignore the wishes and desires of others. It is not a license to be selfish and without regard for others. Instead it is a license to be selfish when necessary and when appropriate.
We only have one life and this is it. I can’t wear the shackles that I once did. I broke those chains and they aren’t ever going back. Sometimes it feels a bit like I am engaged in a Sisyphean effort, but overall I feel good. Progress is slow, but it is coming.
So the question is, do you love yourself enough to fight for your needs or are you going to just lie down and watch life pass you by.
Here are some related posts:
I Am My Own Worst Enemy
A Life Worth Living
Who I Am Now Is Not Who I Was- Atonement
My Thinking Place
Cathy January 26, 2011 at 1:40 pm
I haven’t forgotten the things I want for me, but they have taken a back seat until I’m done with this parenting thing. If I do something, I want to do it well and the simple fact is, I don’t have the time, either that I am not willing to make the time. So for now I dabble, I experiment. I figure out what I want to focus on when time permits.
Those that have “it” usually have it at a cost – an expense of friends or family or other pursuits.And that’s okay, that’s their decision, but I can’t compare myself to them.
Jack January 26, 2011 at 11:32 pm
There is always a price to pay for the things we do. The question is whether we are willing to pay it. Oftentimes it is not that easily done.
Aidan Donnelley Rowley January 25, 2011 at 5:12 pm
Such an important post. It is so easy, too easy, to lose ourselves as we begin tending to others. The idea of life passing me by without my fighting, and realizing the dreams I do have, frightens me immensely. Now I just need to make sure that doesn’t happen. Thanks for the reminder.
Jack January 25, 2011 at 7:58 pm
I think that as we become parents it is much harder to pay attention to these needs and even more important. If we don’t retain a sense of self, than who are we.
Nina January 25, 2011 at 12:34 pm
This 100% percent relates to my post today. And thank you for your comment THERE.
I particularly like this point in your post: “I say that most of them are no different. I say that most of them have the same fears, concerns and insecurities as anyone else.” This is exactly right. I think it’s very foolish for people to assume those who are “living the dream” simply have it easier . . . thinking that way is guaranteed way to avoid reaching your own goals. I’ve recognized that people finishing novels, finding agents, etc. are not necessarily more talented than I am (I’m sure some are and some are not) but they are WORKING HARDER.
I guess a mix of self-love AND self-discipline are in order.
I’m very glad we’re blogging buddies by the way. 🙂
Jack January 25, 2011 at 7:57 pm
I try not to spend any time worrying about what other people have or don’t have. Some are not very talented but they have luck and or good connections. That is a very useful thing- might not be fair but the world isn’t now and never will be.
So we need to be focused and to believe in ourselves. It doesn’t hurt to work hard. Keep up the fight. 🙂