When Mean Girls Grow Up


There are some mean girls in my daughter’s class. Little girls with big attitudes who have been over indulged and have a sense of entitlement that should embarrass their parents. But the parents are not embarrassed because their daughters are only mimicking their mothers. They watch and learn. The comments, the gestures and the tone of voice all carbon copies of mom. I would really like to give them the benefit of the doubt. I would like to draw a distinction of some sort. I would like to say that they aren’t mean girls, spoiled maybe, but not mean.

But I can’t and I won’t because they are mean. They learned long ago how to exclude others and how to sneer at those that don’t meet whatever superficial criteria they have created.  I am at the school frequently and I see them on the yard. I have volunteered inside the classroom and seen them there too. I see them. I watch and take notes of who I don’t want my daughter to play with. I am judgmental and intolerant of this. I don’t care if you drive a Range Rover or a Mercedes. Your money means nothing to me and in many cases it is not yours.

I know because I have been a part of the community for years. I know that grandpa is funding things. You should be proud. You are a thirty something housewife who hasn’t ever worked and you have managed to use your money to buy some influence. It is the downside of attending private school and fortunately you are a minority. A very small minority to be precise, but your sense of entitlement doesn’t allow you to sit back and watch. You volunteer and are active too but that is because you want to feel important.

Being a part of the school is important and the parents play a vital role. But there is something to be said for being a nice person. I can’t help but wonder if you were a mean girl who grew up to be a mean woman. Last week I ruffled feathers because I sent out an email calling some of you on the carpet for behavior that I found to be intolerable. I am not bothered by confrontation. Your money doesn’t mean anything to me and frankly my children don’t play with yours. If they did I might have been more careful because my children don’t need to suffer because of my issues.

But that is not the case here. I almost feel badly for you and your mean girls collective. Someone forgot to tell you that email provides a nice paper trail. Someone forgot to teach you how to blind carbon copy or BCC others. Someone forgot to tell you speaking about others on campus isn’t smart. I don’t need magic powers to hear your words, not when I am standing around the corner.

I sent that email expecting to be forwarded. I intentionally copied everyone because I am documenting your nonsense. If it was possible to ignore you I would have, but you know that in this case it wasn’t. And now you know that I am not kidding when I say that I removed the filters from my mouth.  Someone needed to tell you that you are mistreating others. Someone needed to hold you accountable. I am not a hero. I am not noble. I am just the curmudgeon of the class. You didn’t know that before, but now you do.

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  1. Emily b January 12, 2013 at 3:55 am

    One mother likes to bully me because I buy second hand shoes from eBay for my three year old. It’s disgusting.

  2. Me too March 21, 2011 at 12:11 pm

    I am also judgmental and intolerant: I judge mothers by the behavior of their children. I know that if their children are horrible vicious brats, their mothers probably are too.

    We are also navigating day school playground hell, and have made ourselves unpopular by standing up for basic decency. I am sick of my girls being the victims, and sick of watching other children victimized–truly, some parents turn out to be enablers of their children’s basest instincts. The most recent revolting behavior is inviting all the girls in a class to a birthday party: except for one or two girls, who get to listen to the rehash on the playground Monday morning. (The school is not much help with this, since many of the parents of the offending girls sit on the Board.) We have made a loud. point. of no longer allowing our girls to attend these parties; we email well in advance and ask the pointed question, will ALL the girls be included? At least the mothers in our community know enough to be embarrassed. (This is also why we’re homeschooling next year.) Good luck.

    • Jack March 21, 2011 at 4:50 pm

      Birthday parties can be very tough.

    • subWOW April 1, 2011 at 9:53 pm

      I am very sorry that your school is not much help in this department. Our school from the get-go tells parents this: If you are going to have a birthday party, you invite the whole class or you are not allowed to pass out invitations at school.

      My blood boils hearing tales of children being left out so obviously. Makes me stabby…

  3. The Mayor February 8, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    Ah…mean girls have always been around and always will. It seems like a a cosmic force exists that gives them an inexplicable power over seemingly nice kids. I applaud your desire to attack the problem at it’s root.

  4. subWOW February 8, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    The worst part for me is how young this behavior can start. My eldest son (thick-skinned and not that sensitive) was driven to tears by two girls on the bus just teasing him nonstop when they were in K. I have observed that girls with older sisters tend to be “worse”. So glad that I am not the only “overprotective” parent taking mental notes of who is a good egg and who is questionable whenever I am at school. Yes I am a Judgey McJudgey when it comes to “Observe and Strategize”. I also judge a child by their parents: not by the car they drive, but by how they treat the others.

    Now, just imagine, IF that Queen Bee Mom had a blog….

    • Jack February 8, 2011 at 5:50 pm

      I wish that she had a blog. I would have a good time with that. It is so juvenile, but that is the way it goes sometimes. Nothing wrong with judging other parents, have to do that so that we can take of our children.

  5. 30ish Mama February 8, 2011 at 9:09 am

    Mean girls are another species of bullies the only difference being that their behavior is usually based on inherited superficial values. I’m glad that you confronted them and I hope they were embarrassed enough to learn something from the experience.

    • Jack February 8, 2011 at 11:27 am

      I know that they were embarrassed but I am not sure that they learned anything from it. I would hope so, but I don’t think that they give me enough credit to learn. Still, they won’t try this particular BS again.

  6. ChopperPapa February 8, 2011 at 5:31 am

    These women are in for a rude awakening one day soon. With the likelihood that 60% of them will be divorced before they kids reach middle school it would be interesting to see how mean they are then. This is also a by-product of elementary school in general. I can’t wait for my kids to move up so that these ‘room moms’ and never cross paths with me again.

  7. Aidan Donnelley Rowley February 7, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    Ugh. Mean girls. Where to begin. They do, and have always, existed. Everyday, I pray foolishly that my little girls do not encounter these creatures, but I know they already have. Great post.

    • Jack February 7, 2011 at 3:26 pm

      Most of the time I like people, but sometimes there is nothing more to say than, they suck. I just don’t have time to deal with this kind of nonsense. Want to be a jerk? Fine, just don’t cry when karma kicks your ass.

      All we can do is teach our children to be better than that.

  8. Jared Karol February 7, 2011 at 5:10 am

    Jack, this is so right on I can’t even believe it. I teach in a private school, but only for four more long agonizing dreadful months. What you speak of – the complete and clueless entitlement – is one of the reasons I am quitting teaching and starting a writing career. Thanks for sharing, as always. Jared

    • Jack February 7, 2011 at 11:25 am


      I worked as a teacher on and off. It has been many years, but if it paid enough I would seriously consider going back. The good news for you is that teaching and writing have similar pay scales. 😉

  9. Kat February 7, 2011 at 2:50 am

    Good for you! People like that get their sense of entitlement because nobody ever puts them in their place or makes them earn what they have. The mean girls, like the bullies they are, don’t quite know what to do when someone actually stands up to them. I’d love to see a follow-up post to this letting us know if they start showing a little more respect.

    • Jack February 7, 2011 at 11:23 am

      I’ll let you know what happens. I got the ball rolling and a number of other people have weighed in on some of the things that are going on. Don’t think I’ll be getting an invitation to hang out with them any time soon.

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