“My Dad Says Good Writers Have An Opinion”

If I ever see Edgar Allen Poe I shall rip his still beating tell-tale heart and feed it to that foul bird of his and be troubled by him nevermore.“- Mark Twain didn’t really say that but he might have.

Some of you are staring at that quote above trying to figure out what it means. Stop it. Just stop troubling your brain- I made it up. It is fabricated. I used my imagination and damn if you don’t need a little of bit of that to be a good writer.

More than a few pieces of the prose here are fabricated. Some of you spend time crawling through the content trying to decipher the secrets contained within. I doubt that you will find the satisfaction you seek. There are very few clear answers to be had. That is not because I am playing games or trying to tell the world of the shadows that lay across my heart.

Words that construct the fiction that I compose are fabricated based upon my experiences and those of others I know or know of. If it seems familiar it is because like you I have fallen in and out of love. I have been the heartbreaker and the heartbroken. There are no mysteries there. You won’t find Leonard Nimoy doing a special repeat of “In Search Of” about me.

So I am sitting in my office listening to the iTunes DJ cycle through my library when Surrender by Cheap Trick comes on and two thoughts/images float through my head. First I hear Mike Damone of Fast Times at Ridgemont High singing it and then I see in my mind Damone dispensing dating advice. You remember it, don’t you? It is his Five point plan:

First of all Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl. “Oh, Debbie. Hi.” Two, you always call the shots. “Kiss me. You won’t regret it.” Now three, act like wherever you are, that’s the place to be. “Isn’t this great?” Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It’s a classy move. “Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice.” And five, now this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

Afficionados of the movie may recall that the song that follows this diatribe is Kashmir. It is one of my favorite songs of all time, but it is not on IV. Speaking of Damone I came across a video of him today reciting his plan- dude looks old. Suppose that means that I am looking older too.

The question I sometimes ask myself is whether age and experience is lending just wrinkles or wrinkles and wisdom. I prefer Wisdom Without Wrinkles, my own WWW. Although I suppose that were I to brew my own beer, become a master vintner or make moonshine I would consider calling Wrinkles and Wisdom. I wonder if I could get Statler and Waldorf to represent me.


You’ll have to pardon my dust but we are still remodeling around here. We are in the process of what could be a long renovation- but it might not be. There is a rhyme and a reason to the racket and the rumors might be true. But then again they might not be so try not to listen to that kind of nonsense.

Instead prepare yourself for I get the feeling that I might go on a blogging tear for a bit. I think that I just might start cranking out the posts with a vengeance. There are tales to be told and stories to be shared. The mighty ship is about to set sail and I am working hard to free her from her shackles.


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  1. Jared Karol October 4, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    hope you had one hell of a piss, Arnold. . . this is NOT the best meal I’ve ever had. . . good stuff!

  2. Bill Dorman October 3, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    If you make (and drink) enough ‘shine you will not have wrinkles. And ‘Damone I stuck up for you when everyone was calling you a jerk’………….whew, he did look old and I will just leave it at that, no comparisons, no nothing……….

    Always entertaining, always interesting; I guess I’ll just hang on for the ride…………….

    • Jack October 3, 2011 at 11:14 pm

      All that ‘shine’ has to pay off one way or another- or so we hope. Damone should have been better to Rat- poor guy got abused.

      Here is useless trivia. They filmed part of Fast Times at the Sherman Oaks Galleria. Yes, the same galleria referenced in the song Valley Girl.

  3. Jack October 3, 2011 at 7:13 am

    Hi Jane. Welcome. I may say many things in life but one thing you can rely upon is that I will update this place frequently. Jessica is among the few bloggers that I read that keeps up a similar pace.

    You are invited to hang out and share the adventures- we do have more than a few.

  4. Jane Gassner October 3, 2011 at 6:59 am

    Ah, promises, promises. With a soundtrack, no less. I came here from Jessica; I will be back. I mean, I shall return…ta dum.

  5. Brian Meeks October 3, 2011 at 6:13 am

    Your writing is always a joy, but today I found especially wonderful. I may have to rent/hulu/netflix Fast Times at Ridgemont High and was nostalgic about my long gone, mispent youth.

    • Jack October 3, 2011 at 6:40 am

      Hi Brian,

      It is good to see you. How is our friend Henry Wood doing? Fast Times was one of the first movies I purchased. Somewhere in the boxes it lies alongside The Blues Brothers, Animal House, The Marx Brothers and Casablanca- forgotten relics of a time gone by.

  6. Betsy Cross October 3, 2011 at 5:10 am

    You’re fun Jack. Go wild!!!

  7. Stan Faryna October 3, 2011 at 3:58 am

    The existential angst is sweating out of you like blood. You, my Jack friend, would make an interesting character on True Blood.

    I liked the song too. Who needs information. It fueled my imagination. An unsophisticated, heroic vampire with two human kids. Being the best dad in the world against all odds. Despite the vampire-slaying light of day. Despite the vampire and small town politics. Despite a blogosphere gone to hell.

    I can see it. You? [laughing]

    • Jack October 3, 2011 at 6:50 am

      I imagine that there might be a few benefits to being among the undead or at least I hope there would be. What is the point of having supernatural powers if you can’t enjoy them.

      That Roger Waters album was fun. I liked all the commentary with Jim Ladd, reminds me of being a kid and listening to KLOS and KMET.

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