My brain is working on overdrive and my thoughts are flying faster than my fingers can type them. I have a hundred ideas that I want to write down and at least 15 different story lines that I want to integrate into my book.
I feel a bit like Gollum except instead of muttering “My preciousssssss….” I run around whispering about “my book.” This tale I am telling, this story I am selling has been inside me for a long time and now I am ready to burst.
The words are churning and burning inside me and I am desperate to get them out. I don’t care if you like it, love it or despise it- I just have to get it out.
I don’t need it out like Lady MacBeth. I am not running around screaming “out spot.” It is not guilt or fear of being caught as an accomplice in murder that drives me. No, this is my soul celebrating because I am doing what it has pushed me to do. This is my heart singing a song that very few have heard.
This is me feeling, loving and experiencing a different sort of joy. This is me doing what I should be doing. I am a writer. Some years ago someone made an offer to me that I should have taken them up on. Some years ago they offered me something rare and special but I didn’t do it.
I Need Help
I don’t like asking for help. Don’t like feeling like I can’t get things done on my own. Fact is that I like working on my own because it is how I learn. When I took on redesigning the blog I did so in large part because I don’t like asking for help and because I knew that doing it myself would mean learning more than I otherwise would have.
It is a funny place that I find myself in. I teach my children to ask for help and that it doesn’t make you weaker or less of a person. In many areas I have absolutely no problem asking for it- but when it came down to a couple of areas I simply refused.
Let me clarify a few things. When I say that I need help it is not because I have any sort of substance abuse issues. I drink too much coffee and eat too much pizza, but aside from wreaking havoc on sleep and waist size they have no impact on my ability to function.
No, what I am referring to in this situation is that I asked the universe for help. I feel goofy writing that. It sort of gives me the willies, but the truth is that I did it. I sat down and asked for help. Told the universe that whatever I was doing wasn’t working and that I was open to new things.
And then something happened. I am not going to tell you that I won the lottery or that a book deal was offered to me because that is not true…today. Maybe it will be tomorrow, I don’t know.
What I do know is that I rediscovered parts, pieces and places inside me that I wasn’t aware had been dormant. I discovered that a fire that I had thought was dead was very much alive and now I am going a little bit crazy.
Crazy because this story needs to be told. Crazy because this book isn’t being written fast enough. Crazy because my air isn’t quite what I want it to be, but that is ok.
Because I am running back up the side of the mountain with boundless energy and reckless abandon.
I will finish this book and it will be published and when I do I will ask for your help.
I have already asked a bunch of people to read it and tell me what they think. There are some issues with it. The formatting needs to be tweaked a bit and there are few other hiccups that could be polished.
But if you want to read it and leave a comment you are welcome to do so. If you don’t want to do that but are interested in helping there are lots of other ways. Sponsor me. Donate a million dollars to the Help Jack Write his Book fund. That would provide enough cash to cover all of my bills and allow me to focus on my writing.
Or alternatively you can choose to do something that costs nothing but still helps and that is you can become a fan of TheJackB.
Meanwhile you can be certain that I am going to continue to update my blogs and work on my story.
Jack the feeling pretty good right now dad blogger.