I Need More Time


A number of years ago my best friend and I had one of many long talks about what happens after you die. We disagreed about whether there is “life after death” or if you just end up rotting in a box.

We never did agree who was right and I am ok with that because she knows she is wrong. Hee hee, she hates when I do that.

The reality is that neither one of us could successfully prove who was right and who was wrong and that is ok with me. What I can say for certain is that we both would like to believe that something exists afterwards. But unless she has been holding out on me neither one of us has been given the sort of incontrovertible proof that we want.

So that leaves us in a position where we have to choose between faith in what we can’t see/touch/feel with certainty.

I have had some strange experiences where I could swear that someone who had died was with me. I have had dreams in which my grandfather and D appeared. We talked about all sorts of stuff and when I woke up I could swear that they had really been there. Could swear that they had told me something important but I couldn’t quite remember what it was.

I can’t say for certain if that isn’t/wasn’t my mind playing tricks on me. Maybe I saw/heard what I wanted and maybe I didn’t. There are other stories. There are things that have happened during the day that make me wonder.

What I am confident of is knowing that as long as I carry them with me in my heart they aren’t completely gone. I know that sounds hokey, but it works for me.

But What About That Time Thing

This is something that I intend to write about in more detail later, but for now I can provide a short explanation. I have very few regrets but the few that I do have are enormous. I know that technically I can’t go back and do those things over but I want to. And if I can’t go back, well I have to figure out how to make them right in a different way.

The second component to this is that I want more time to do chase after my dreams and turn them into reality.  Sometimes it feels like I have a palm filled with water and I am trying to hold still because every time I move I lose a few drops.

I can’t hold on tighter because instead of securing my grip it would only make the water run out from between my fingers that much faster.

How can I become an expert in all of the fields that I find interesting.  How can I do more than be a simple tourist in all the countries that I want to visit and or see again. How can I learn to speak all of the languages I want to speak.

You’ll notice that I didn’t put question marks next to any of those questions. I didn’t because I can’t guarantee that I will have enough time to chase after such broad statements. Given the chance I would do so much but I have so little time to focus.

Focus. Sometimes I hate that word but it is what I have to do. That is not to say that I have no focus because I do. I am focused on chasing down certain dreams already but I need to tweak some of those some more. I need to make a few decisions and bear down upon them.

Small victories lead to larger ones and that is how this battle is going to be won. Maybe I’ll see ‘D’ again and I’ll remember what we discussed or maybe Mookie will visit. I don’t know.

For now I am focused on writing my story and taking care of a few other things. I expect to be successful in those endeavors and well, we shall see what happens after that.time

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  1. Jens P. Berget February 14, 2012 at 12:20 am

    Hi Jack,

    I don’t know what to believe about life after death, but I sort of agree with you. I don’t want it to end, and it’s no fun if nothing happens.

    • Jack February 14, 2012 at 1:29 am

      Hi Jens,

      I think that there is something more but I don’t rely upon it. I know that right now is real so I figure that we need to make the most of our time today.

  2. Billy Delaney February 12, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    Hello JackB.
    Isn’t this the itch we all can’t scratch?
    But your not a lone, as the comments here attest. And time runs so fast…

  3. Bruce Sallan February 10, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    It’s these sort of mysteries that make life interesting. IF we actually knew, would we prefer that? If the good were rewarded and the bad punished, wouldn’t life be sort of boring? If we knew we were going to live to be 99 or die at 33 would we prefer that fore-knowledge?

    • Jack February 10, 2012 at 10:45 pm

      Hi Bruce,

      I go back and forth about whether I would want to know when the end is coming.

      Would the knowledge help me make better use of my time? I don’t know. I want to think it will, but maybe it wouldn’t.

      You are right, not knowing does make life interesting.

  4. Betsy Cross February 10, 2012 at 1:53 am

    My children ask me about life after death a lot. I tell them what I believe: that it would be a cruel joke to not continue forever what we love here. Yes to good food, skateboarding, love, and anything else that floats your boat.
    As for what to do with the time I’ve been given?
    Shine and shine brightly…cause that’s what I want to leave behind.

  5. The Hook February 9, 2012 at 9:12 am

    I like the way you think! You keep an open mind while taking the time to examine the whole picture – just like me!

  6. Jack February 9, 2012 at 8:04 am

    Hi Lori,

    Yep, those are all questions I ask. What is most important to me? What is realistic? How many of these things can I make happen?

    You might be right, maybe they were visitations but I woke up and couldn’t quite remember what the conversations were about.

    How do I know I got the message. Ugh.

    • Melody February 9, 2012 at 12:12 pm

      Ok, Lori asked for it, so here it is: I can only give you my view, so you, take it with a grain of salt as always.

      How do you know that you got the message? I like to think of it this way: If you consider that all knowledge in the Universe is stored in a library with tons of different rooms (it’s obviously not, but it’s a good analogy. Yes. It is.), then your “visitation” happened because you accessed a new room (you accessed a new frequency). Once the door to that room is open, you can generally go back any time you want (you have an easier time finding it again). So, you don’t have to hold all the knowledge in your brain, you just have to have access to the room where what you want is at. Then, when you need it, you’ll be able to access it.

      That’s a long way of saying: You got the message and when you’ll need the info, you’ll remember it.

      I’m actually working on my own post about life after death. This has brought up a lot of thoughts. How do you explain faith? Hmmmm. 🙂

      Huge hugs!

      • Jack February 9, 2012 at 1:28 pm

        Hi Melody,

        That sounds like a reasonable explanation. I like the idea of having a library on hand.

        But I am not real fond of being given information that I can almost remember but not quite.

        It feels a bit like trying to watch someone/something with my peripheral vision. I can see them but not quite with the clarity I want or need.

  7. Claudia February 9, 2012 at 7:24 am

    Love this Jack…this post speaks to thoughts that I mull over quite often. I am “scared” by the fragility of time and, as I get older, the rapidity with which that time is slipping by. Your description of holding water in your hand taking care not to jostle it so that you lose precious drops and careful not to hold on too tightly so as not to lose the water was excellent…it’s a fine (sorry Kaarina) balance. I find that if I think about time too much, I get a little depressed. I hate that I am constantly “measuring” how little time I may have left (I know it is unknown, but I also can do the math)
    Thanks for sharing and opening up about your conflicts about time.

    • Jack February 9, 2012 at 10:21 am

      Hi Claudia,

      I try not to get too caught up in time, but as you know from our discussions I do it too.

      When I look at some of the athletic endeavors I want to participate in I can’t help but feel pressure. Training is harder than it was in my twenties and my time to do so is more limited.

      On the other hand three of my grandparents lived into their nineties as did half of my great-grandparents so in theory I have a decent chunk of my life left to live.

      But ultimately I am not a clock watcher because I hate that. I stopped wearing a watch because all it did was make me feel like I was running late.

      So like you I do my best not to think about it and focus instead on trying to determine which things are most important to me.

  8. Bill Dorman February 9, 2012 at 6:52 am

    It’s good to want and eager to learn, but it’s also good to enjoy the moment and be ‘all in’ at times as well.

    Appreciate what you do have and be the best you can be while you are there.

    That’s my story for today.

  9. LaRae Quy February 9, 2012 at 5:30 am

    Hi Jack,

    Thanks for sharing. If you don’t have a dream, how can you have a dream come true? Congratulations on having dreams to begin with, but don’t let them dry up and get hard. Remember, Albert Einstein said, “Your imagination is the preview to life’s coming attractions.”

    • Jack February 9, 2012 at 8:01 am

      Hi LaRae,

      One of the primary purposes of the blog is to air out the dark corners and the light inside my head.

      I see it as a tool for trying to make sure that I get as much out of life as I can.

      I like that quote.

  10. Hajra February 9, 2012 at 1:16 am

    Hey Jack,

    I definitely am a firm believer in life after death. I refuse to believe that God and I aren’t going to have a talk face to face. Lots of unanswered questions on both ends you see 😉

    As for doing it now and living it before worrying about what happens after. I would agree with that too. Until I day I meet the power above, I will keep going on.

    • Jack February 9, 2012 at 7:59 am

      Hi Hajra,

      That makes sense to me. Of course I have to add that I have this “concern” that I would forget to ask the three most important questions, whatever they may be. 😉

      Meanwhile life is happening now so I can’t stomach the idea of putting things off because you don’t know when that is going to change.

  11. jen dz February 8, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    Hi Jack. Thanks for writing such a thought provoking post. You are a really excellent writer and I admire the way you so eloquently lay your thoughts out into written words. Not always easy, maybe. I’m glad you wrote about what’s in your heart…its not hokey. For one, its your blog so you can write what you want and two, we’ve all got ’em (a heart, that is) and I believe that sharing what’s inside them can help us relate to one another. Isn’t that what blogging is about? Good for you.

    • Jack February 8, 2012 at 11:44 pm

      Hi Jen,

      Thank you. I don’t know how to do this any other way than this one, so here it is.

      I agree with you that blogging provides a platform and a way for us to build bridges between people.

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