“You can’t reason with your heart; it has its own laws, and thumps about things which the intellect scorns.”
-Â A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court
This is the second time that I have used the quote above but I can’t help myself. Â Life is a consistent balance of heart versus head with a mixture of gut checks that I go through daily.
The video has appeared here before too but I am using it again because it fits my mood and sometimes that is how I want to write. I want to tap into that place deep inside where I love and laugh. I want to hit the spot next to it where I store all of my pain too. I am an explorer who isn’t afraid to shine a lot on those darker places inside my head.
I have a love/hate relationship with videos on the blog. I love them because they help me illustrate the picture that I am trying to paint for you. They help me show you what I see and feel what I feel, but sometimes they get pulled down and I end up with a big hole in my post.
It is like reading a great article in a magazine or newspaper only to discover that someone has cut out a coupon or ad and instead of finishing that story that caught your eye you come to a crashing halt. Sometimes I try to do that in my posts and my stories.
Sometimes I try to pull the bottom out from under you. Sometimes I try to make you feel like you hit the wall but that is because it fits with that story I see inside my head.
Life is a series of moments in time that we all experience but some of us see and experience it differently. A dear friend of mine once asked me to explain jealousy to her. I didn’t know how to do it other than to say that I see images in my head.
I told her that when people tell me what they did the day before or on vacation I always see an image of them doing whatever it is they said they did. Maybe that is how everyone sees things, I don’t know. I just know what I see in my own head.
But I also know that when a particular person told me about her ex boyfriend and some of their exploits I pictured that too. And since I hadÂ intimateÂ knowledge it made it easier for me to picture that particular “party” and I didn’t want to. It is a double edged sword, this graphic imagination of mine. I am not kidding around about what I see not to mention that I can hear it too.
I wouldn’t give it up, this imagination of mine. I’ll take the good and the bad- not just because I don’t know anything different. I’ll take it because I believe that it helps me to live a very rich life. I may have moments where I endure more irritation but there is far more good than bad.
Imagination is what keeps me going when things are rough. Imagination is what motivates and moves me to do things when things are good. I like being able to dream. Ok, maybe I don’t know anything different, but that is ok. I like being me.
That is something that I want for my children. I want them to grow up and say “I like me.” Many people don’t like themselves and some like themselves too much but life is about balance.
Head and heart, heart and head. It makes me think of what my friend Craig wrote about today. Are you pursuing your passion? That is a question that is worth asking and answering. I am pursuing my passion in multiple areas. I link to my story often because it helps me remain accountable to me. I watch this video because it speaks to me.
Speaking of videos I stumbled onto this one again and found myself lost in thought. Maybe it is because it is tied into a dream that didn’t happen.
Some times I close my eyes and see myself walking down cobblestones in the Old City. I hear the sounds of the city around me and remember what it was like to walk the walls. Sometimes I close my eyes and wonder what life would have been like. I talk to friends and family who made the move and remember that piece of me that I left behind.
But life is about choices, challenges and the decisions we make. It is ok to wander among the sentimental sounds of what was but only as long as you know the way back to the present.
It reminds me of my grandfathers. My paternal grandfather buried two wives and my maternal one. I am convinced that had the women in their lives lived longer they would have too. That is not to suggest that either one had a life that was cut short. Both of them lived well past 90.
That is also why I feel like I still have lots of time left to live and experience those moments in time that I yearn for. It doesn’t mean that I won’t work for them but it does mean that if I do work there is time to see them turn from fiction to fact.
This post is part of the Just Write project. It is a free writing exercise that I participate in each week. Check it out.