Some Posts Make You Cry

I know the words to a tale that will break your heart and make your eyes water. This is not link bait nor a clever attempt to gain your attention or capture your heart. This is merely me exposing part of the shadow that lies across my heart. This is just me trying to make sense of something that won’t ever make sense. There is no rhyme or reason to this.

And so I offer you a chance to walk with me through fields of fire and under a night sky that is painted with stars and a moon that looks close enough to touch. Walk with me and listen to a man mumble and perhaps together we shall find something more than that.

Ten Songs

  1. America- Simon & Garfunkel
  2. Bookends- Simon & Garfunkel
  3. The Boxer- Simon & Garfunkel
  4. Carry That Weight- The Beatles
  5. The End- The Beatles
  6. Golden Slumbers- The Beatles
  7. Into The Mystic- Van Morris0n
  8. Into The Ocean- Blue October
  9. Summertime- Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong
  10. Time- Pink Floyd
  11. Happy- Bruce Springsteen

Yes, I know that there are actually eleven songs on that list but I am trying to catch smoke with my bare hands so I ask that you indulge me. I ask that you just keep walking and I shall tell you that those eleven songs are part of a song list that plays when I go to sleep.

Some people might wonder if I did that intentionally. They might ask if I tried to create Double Chai but I did not. There isn’t any Gematria involved in that list, at least not intentionally.

However I intentionally did not include any links to the musical videos or to the definition of Gematria. I have been dealing with a broken link issue and videos are a big part of that problem.

The Happy Man

Some people might argue that a happy man wouldn’t have to say that he is happy. I might have said that too, but I know better. I know better because life is complex. I am very happy but my heart is heavy because it sees and feels what is to come and what has been.

These changes have been rough. They have been brutal and my children have had to deal with more than I would like. They have faced some challenges that break my heart because I have seen how hard it is for them. I have seen how rough some things can be and that hurts me in ways that nothing else can.

When I say I have a high threshold for pain it is not bravado or arrogance. It is truth. Whether that needs to be said or shared is a different discussion. What is relevant to this discussion is this:

Every time my children cry it hurts me. But I look at the situations and circumstances and ask if this is something that is good or bad. Every time it happens I try to identify the root cause and that helps me to determine how to respond.

If they have a scraped knee I feel badly because they are hurt but I don’t think much of it because they will recover and do so quickly. Other situations generate similar/different responses.

But there are some that strike me in the soft places where I have no armor and it burns. It hurts because those are moments where I feel like I have failed them. My job description covers a million different things but at the top it says “bodyguard and defender.”

The president has The Secret Service and the children have dad. They get paid to take the bullet but I don’t have to get paid. It is not a question or a thought. It simply is.

Transitions and Changes

Sometimes transitions and changes make it difficult to maintain the kind of vision you want. You lose perspective and things become cloudy, muddled and mirky. We are in motion now and it is a bit more challenging to see through the fog. These harder moments that we are all dealing with might not be very significant. They might be simple moments in time that will pass quickly but I am not completely sure.

I try hard not to react. I don’t wear a sweater just because you are cold. Even though it hurts when they cry I don’t just jump because part of my helping them is teaching them how to deal with adversity. Call that dad blogging 101.

The real challenge is trying to find that balance.

Music and Song

If I found the genie in the bottle I would use two wishes in the following manner:

1) I wish for the ability to have kind of singing voice that stops people in their tracks. Let me be blessed with a voice that has power and range. Give me a voice that makes you stop and listen, that lets you see what the singer is singing about.

2) I wish for the ability to write the song of my heart and show it to you. Let me write songs that make you feel, laugh, love and listen. Let me write so well you can’t help but be moved.

More Adventures to come.

If it pleases you keep reading and I promise there will be much more. Good night from Los Angeles.

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Comments

  1. I get it  Jack. At least I think I do. The heartache that our children have experienced has been so unbearable at times because, as a human being, I have the ability to reflect and wonder about different choices that might have brought us down different, less painful roads. But I’ve come to understand that we’ve grown stronger because of our awareness of the precarious nature of life, and the need for empathy and compassion that ofttimes is shared more with family members because of the shared experiences.
    It’s in the telling of the stories, the writing of the poems and songs, where we touch each others’ heartstrings and where empathy is felt. And when that happens? That’s where tears cleanse and loved ones, friends and strangers are strengthened…where the suffering is made valuable.

    •  @CrossBetsy The story telling is so very important. It makes a significant difference. I think that is where we find the intersection between our experiences and others.
      When we build that connection things happen.

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