713 Words- Don’t Search For Meaning


“Never let go of anyone that you couldn’t go a day without thinking about.  There just might be a very good reason why this person is always on your mind. Sometimes, its the brain that knows too well what the heart tries so hard to deny.”

That is a quote I used in a post I wrote several years ago called Full Circle. I don’t know who wrote it, but it wasn’t me. I really should find out.

Right now I am listening to Aya Korem sing Kayitz. The song is in Hebrew and the title means Summer. Sometimes I am not sure if I am thinking in English or Hebrew. If you are not bilingual you probably won’t understand that.

The funny thing is I don’t really think of myself as being bilingual anymore. There was a time when I spoke Spanish, Hebrew and a smattering of Yiddish, but that is long ago. Now I don’t really speak anything but English well.

I don’t have an accent in English, but in Spanish and Hebrew I have a thick American accent. It irks me. I like to try to blend in, but it doesn’t always work. Besides I walk, talk and dress like an American.

We aren’t always aware of the little cultural things that make us stick out. I am proud of being American. Not ashamed at all, but I still prefer to blend in I don’t want my presence noticed unless I want it to be noticed.

So there you are standing in the place in which you thought you had left, full circle is what they call it. You look out the window of your heart and see the place that you had started out and wonder how it is that you came to find yourself standing there way back when.

It is strangely familiar and inviting to be there but also disconcerting because you are not who you were when you left. The long journey and experiences you had have changed you in ways that you don’t completely understand. Though you recognize the place and remember the warmth of the sun upon your back you are not sure if you can accept what lies ahead of you.

That is another quote from Full Circle but I wrote that. That is all me. And now I am thinking about my grandfathers and wondering if they wouldn’t be able to give me the perfect Yiddish expression to share right now.

Full Circle is calling out to me because there is a message and a meaning. There are signs and symbols flashing at me but I can’t quite put my finger on it so I am just writing.

This is the sort of writing that I love best or at least among those that I love best. It is because it is free flowing, honest and unstructured. I spent most of last week and half of this one focused on structured writing.

I am good at it and I am getting better but sometimes I want to let the horse take the bit and travel where it wishes to go.

Write Your Fiction

Some people have written me to ask about my fiction. They want me to clarify what is real and what is not. I can’t and I won’t. Or is it I might and I won’t.

Don’t ask me to explain it all because that would ruin some of the magic. But suffice it to say I know about magic. I know about majesty, music and magnificence. I have lived moments that have changed my life and will forever be a part of me.

That is where I sometimes go to find these stories. It is my well, my refuge and sometimes it is my hell.

Write your fiction and or write your truth. Don’t fear the reaper. Sing your song and let the chips fall where they may.

What Are My Best Posts

I may have to devote an entire post to this. Hell, I am sure I will because it needs to be done for a million different reasons and one very important one. This blog has provided me with a path that I am grateful for having taken even if it has helped me go full circle.

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  1. Kristen October 4, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    I’m not bilingual. At different points, I knew German, and then Spanish, well enough that I could read and speak them passably. I remember feeling particularly proud when I had a dream in Spanish – I felt like that was a sign of something.

    Of what, I’m not so sure.

    • Jack October 4, 2012 at 7:21 pm

      When you wake up and realize that your dreams weren’t in your native tongue you can rest assured you have decent command of whatever language you were speaking in your dream. Unless it was Venusian, because everyone knows that no one speaks that anymore. 😉

  2. BigLittleWolf October 4, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Just keep the magic, whatever it takes.

    Unstructured writing is such a relief, isn’t it? Especially when you make a buck with writing to explicit purpose in (other) explicit voice and so on, and so on.

    I miss the sort of writing I love most. Only so many hours in the day. But when it pops up out of nowhere, I grab it and cherish it. Even it it’s just for the pleasure of doing so.

    • Jack October 4, 2012 at 7:17 pm

      Unstructured writing is pure unadulterated joy. Just a chance to hop, skip and stroll through a garden. I know that sounds goofy, but it just works for me.

  3. Bill Dorman October 4, 2012 at 8:38 am

    Hey Pedro….er, uh I mean Josh….er, uh Jack or whatever I’m supposed to call you here. I definitely have a Fla Cracker accent; however, it is subtle compared to some and if I’m in a professional setting it might not be detectable at all. However, when I’m just being me, you will detect it. People like to associate southerner’s as slow-talking and not as sharp as others. Maybe, maybe not; I just know I’m smart enough for me……..:).

    Writing is a good release; non-fiction or not and hopefully have some $$$ attached to it as well, right?

    Let me know when you get there…….

    • Jack October 4, 2012 at 5:03 pm

      Hi Bill,

      I have done business with a few southerners who were as crafty as they come. They milked the accent and the idea that they were slow for all it was worth. I remember being 26 and thinking I was pretty smart, well they taught me a few lessons.

      As for your accent, well I can definitely hear it but it is not bad at all.

  4. Julie October 4, 2012 at 6:34 am

    I love when you type Yiddish words or expressions because it reminds me of my childhood AND tells me how to spell the things that occasionally just pop into mind unbidden.

    The fun part has to be the journey, because really you never reach the true finish line. So in a way it’s all journey.

    • Jack October 4, 2012 at 4:59 pm

      Yiddish is one of my favorite languages. It is colorful and there is a life in it that is just wonderful. It does the same thing for me as for you, spurs memories.

  5. Betsy Cross October 4, 2012 at 4:44 am

    “There are signs and symbols flashing at me but I can’t quite put my finger on it so I am just writing.?”
    Sooo frustrating (if I let it be) to know that I’m going somewhere, too, but where, I have no clue!

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