â€œThoâ€™ much is taken, much abides; and thoâ€™
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.â€
Ulysses, Lord Alfred Tennyson.
Thirty years ago I didn’t have the same appreciation for that poem as I do today. Hell, my favorite poem back then was probably about the man from Nantucket whose “pal” was so long he could, well you get the point.
But that was then and this is now.
In those days I was a junior high school boy trying to figure out what the hell to do with myself and now I and I am just an older, larger version of that guy who is still trying to figure it out.
Except this time I have responsibilities that I cannot shirk and dreams that I accept cannot be realized. I am never going to be tall enough to overcome the dearth of talent that will prevent the Lakers from signing me to a contract.
But time works magic and wonders in many ways and there are other dreams that can come true. Some of them are more important to me, bigger and brighter than those the boy I was once had.
Or maybe that is just what I say now.
Songs of my HeartÂ & Soul
My heart and soul sing many songs and they are special to me for multiple reasons. Some of them are listed in the pages and posts of this blog and others are kept in silence to be mine alone or shared with just one other.
I know what I want to do. I know what I want to see happen. I have a plan and now we have reached the moment where it is time to execute it but so much depends upon my girl.
She doesn’t have all of the control here, certainly not as much as she thinks, but she has plenty.
When I think about the look on my daughter’s face and the anger it brought out in me I just shake my head.
Her older brother is incensed and has told me twice he will help me take care of this. That makes me smile and is one of those things that makes my heart sing.
We Did Something Right
What I love about his comments is how determined he is to protect his sister. He is like many older brothers, happy to torture and torment her but unwilling to let others do it.
Today we made a quick run to Costco and I watched them look out for each other. They didn’t see me intentionally slip around a corner where I could watch them.
I was 30 feet away, not quite close enough to hear what they were saying but close enough to see all they did. Close enough to see them get samples for each other and watch them decide where to go to find me.
That made me happy. If G-d forbid something happened to their mom and I there is no doubt in my mind they will stick together. Sometimes when they fight I remind them that in 100 years it will be just them so they need to get along now.
Last week my son asked me if I thought I could live to 143 and I said sure. If my grandparents and great grandparents provide any guidance I’ll make it into my nineties with my eyes shut.
Live Today, Plan For Tomorrow
I am doing my best to live the kind of life I want to live now and not tomorrow. Math and science says there is every reason for me to be here for the long run and that my prediction from above is accurate.
Yet experience has shown me that sometimes things happen. Sometimes the inexplicable bites you in the butt which is why I am doing my best to live today and plan for tomorrow.
Sometimes I think that I am taking the long way home and that I have been on one hell of a walkabout to learn a few lessons so that I could end up where I have long suspected I might.
Time will tell if I am right or wrong about that, but if nothing else it should make for one hell of a story.