â€œFor every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.â€
â€œTo be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.â€
â€œDare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true.â€
â€• Ralph Waldo Emerson
I looked down and saw blood in the toilet and felt the anger inside me rising. Â I was at that place where it was only going to take one thing to bring out in an explosive and destructive manner.
It is a piece of me I keep hidden from virtually everyone because it rarely adds value to my life and frankly that sort of raw emotion leaves me feeling far too naked.
During the rare moments when he comes out I find myself reveling in the moment, the rush of adrenaline and the “I don’t give a fuck” attitude are fun, but rarely helpful.
That boy I once was didn’t have responsibilities so it didn’t matter what he did because his actions only helped or hurt me.
That Was Then
Went to bad last night feeling a bit edgy and by the time I had woken up the edge was razor sharp and I wanted to let loose. Didn’t remember my dreams but could tell they had served as a whetstone for the feeling.
It was exacerbated by the sounds of some jackass screaming obscenities. Not how I want to wake up, especially on a Sunday morning.
Tried to fall back asleep and when slumber wouldn’t come I glared at the wall and thought about whether the fool below would appreciate two hundred some pounds of angry Â Jack sharing his thoughts and then something happened.
The anger just faded away.
Don’t know why, but it just disappeared. Rolled out of bed, took a quick shower and walked down the street to grab some groceries and breakfast.
The Most Important Part Of Blogging
If you are one of theÂ scannersÂ that subhead probably grabbed your attention and now you are wondering where I am going with this. Well, I wroteÂ Donâ€™t Regret Not Living Your Life about a year ago and now it is time to look back.
It is time to look back and see what sort of progress has been made. Time to use the blog as a chronicle of life. Time to tie in the Emerson quotes from above with this post and provide an introduction to one of my favorite videos.
I love the video below because it chronicles life and the important moments. I love it because I use it as a reminder about what is important and why I try be intentional and purposeful in what I do.
Sometimes I fall short, but I can live with that because I see the effort I make to improve things. I see the effort to make changes. The moments in my life that I am least proud of are usually those where something happened and I didn’t do anything.
There aren’t many of those, but I dislike those far more than the ones where I made bad choices because at least I made a choice.
I believe in action and decision.
Action And Decision
Who I am as a person and a father are two different people, yet the same.
The goal is to show my children that life is meant to be lived and that we experience a variety of moments. The people that live are those that don’t just let things happen. They are active in trying to take control of their destiny and they do what they can to be the captain of their ship.
Ask me to share something I am proud of and I will tell you that when life got hard I didn’t lie down and let it overwhelm me. I found a way to stand back up and move forward. I found a way.
It might not be the best way, but it is my way and I own it.
I don’t know when I am going to die, but dammit whenever that day comes, tomorrow or a thousand years from now my children and those I care about will know I tried to live and I didn’t just pass the days.
What about you?