Some of you aren’t going to like me much because when you tell me you have writer’s block I am going to roll my eyes at you and ask you to fill my head with your top ten excuses.
Tell me something I can believe like you fell down the stairs and wound up naked in bed with your neighbor. I’d believe that, because hell the last time I fell down the stairs I ended up in my downstairs neighbor’s living room and found the Swedish Bikini Team wearing nothing but G-strings and shirts that said “Once You Go Jack You Never Go Back.”
But that wasn’t as bad as when a dozen donuts and an extra large pizza attacked me.
Really, they did and the only way I had to defend myself was with my teeth and the mighty stomach acid I just happen to carry around in my belly.
Stop Lying To Us
Stop lying to us and by us I mean you and I because neither one of us like it.
We both know that you are hiding behind silly excuses. You are hiding behind your fear of getting naked and you should be tired of it.
Look I get it. I am not the man I used to be either. The hair isn’t is as full as it used to be and the cuts in my belly show up when I flex extra hard.
But I have got skills and abilities that I didn’t have when I was younger.
I know how to make you swoon, cry, sing and scream.
That is because I have some life experience and so do you.
Fuck Your Fear
I am not channeling my inner Gary Vaynerchuck here. Sometimes I swear like a sailor because when you write you need to shine a light on the dark corners and face your fear. You need to just write and let the words flow from your fingertips onto the page.
Sometimes I do it by shadowboxing to the theme from Rocky. Sometimes I dance with reckless abandon and just let loose. Time to be like old Willy Shakespeare and unleash the dogs of war.
Sometimes it is by just writing about whatever comes easily.
Friday night I had sushi and Saturday night I went out for a good steak and enjoyed some Scotch with it. In between I spent a significant chunk of time lifting weights and walking on the treadmill.
You know why I am sharing that?
Because sometimes when the words don’t want to jump from my head onto the page I just write about whatever comes to mind. Sometimes I start in the middle and write backwards.
Sometimes I write about intimate moments and sometimes I write about silly things that are tied into those intimate moments. One of the best pieces of writing I ever came up with was an eight grader’s perspective on Fellatio.
It was tied into a school trip I took where the older and more experienced boys talked about the women they had been with. This dude (me) didn’t want to be left out and came up with one of the dumbest stories you have ever heard, but it made for a great coming of age piece.
Discipline and Practice
Writing is a skill that is improved via discipline and practice and based upon TheJackB school of writing you write about anything and everything. You include coming of alongside religious and political perspectives. You dig in and write about why every student needs a gun and how the schools would be safer if playgrounds were made out of Taffy and broken gum balls.
It is a mix of silly and serious with the intent to train yourself to write upon command.
And it is an understanding that sometimes you are going to write junk that makes you cringe and stories that make your feel such pride.
You Can Do It
This isn’t a skill or ability that is limited to just the select few. The ghosts of Twain, Poe, Dickens and Mrs. Hackleshmackle your high school English teacher are not going to haunt you for failing or praise you for succeeding.
You can do this but you have to stop making excuses. Writer’s block is a myth and you need to stop buying into it.