Fear And Pride
There are three things that I wish I had real talent/ability:
Singing, Dancing and Painting.
Alas, I am not particularly good at any of them.
When I shed my fear and remove my pride I find my way with ease through each one of these mazes. I sing loud, dance with reckless abandon and don’t feel obligated to describe my painting as beingÂ modern.
Sometimes Fear And Pride Influence Me
Sometimes fear and pride have more influence over me than I wish to admit. Sometimes they stop me from doing what it is that I really want to do. There are moments where they have had their way and I have missed opportunities because of them.
I am not prescient which I suppose is part of why there have been those moments where I didn’t walk into the cornstalks to see where the other ballplayers went. Sometimes I could justify it by basing my decision upon experience and the gut feeling that the time just wasn’t right to go for it.
Sometimes that payed off and I could rest comfortably knowing I did the right thing, but not always.
Wanderlust is a part of my heart and that restless need to find out what lies just around the bend or behind the door doesn’t always accept playing it safe.
What Price Do We Pay?
There is a price to be paid for all that we do and fear and pride are no different. But I remind myself that this is not necessarily a good or bad thing. It is just part of life. Every time we make a choice it comes withÂ a little somethingÂ but we don’t always know whether that is good or bad until we do it.
So I have tried to adjust how I live my life so that I don’t walk around like some sort of crazy bookkeeper tabulating the cost of every little thing I do. I don’t spend every moment trying to calculate how many calories are in the extra slice of pizza or worrying that playing it safe/not playing it safe will hurt me.
When I think about watching my children learn how to walk I remember how every time they fell they got back up and did it again. Every time they wobbled they kept pushing until they didn’t rock back and forth on their feet.
Once upon a time I was no different.
I was them and most of the time I like to think I still am.
The reason I wish I could do all three of these things more skillfully than I do now is very simple. I like creating. I like expressing. I like letting loose and finding ways to translate the images I see in my mind.
All three of these things would help with that. They are all made for it. They are made for expression of any and all feelings.
There is joy to be found there and I always look for more ways to experience and share joy.
All I have to do now is keep working at preventing fear and pride from spoiling that, most of the time I think I am pretty about it.
How about you?