Who Is In My Tribe?

Who Is In My Tribe?

Midnight has come and gone and I am awake when I really shouldn’t be. It is not because Chuck doesn’t think of this as being a good time to write that I am concerned either because the night time is my time.

This is when I prefer to write, it is when my mind is alive with possibilities but it is a bad time to wake myself up because the morning comes too soon. I won’t actively worry or think about it until around 4 AM at which point I will consider calling people in LA to ask if they are awake.

I never have understood why we do such a thing. It is up there with the general silliness of asking whomever is sharing our bed if they are awake.

Allow me to share some insight into how I operate, if my eyes are closed don’t ask me if I am awake unless you are prepared to deal with a response you might not enjoy.

Who Is In My Tribe?

Saturday afternoon I was part of another discussion where people talked about the rivalry between Dallas and Fort Worth and asked me to take a side. They were disappointed when I told them I thought Los Angeles had them both beat on almost every account.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t like living in Texas but L.A. will always be home.  I plan on being here for a good long while, could be decades but if I have learned anything it is that you don’t really know what is going to happen so I try to plan in smaller chunks of time.

Besides in theory ten years from now my children will be living on their own and I may decide that it is time to move to Israel, Europe, Hawaii or Australia. Or maybe it will be none of those places. Maybe it will still be Texas or maybe it will be LA, who knows.

Right now I am focused upon the present and that is why I am asking myself who is in my tribe. It is more of a blogging type question. It is more of me asking myself where I want to focus my attention.

I Love To Write

I love to write and I am in a place where it feels to me like I am really just coming into my own. It is a place where I am starting to recognize how far I have come and how much farther I can go.

It reminds me of the feeling I had when I was first learning how to ride a bike. I was seven years old and nervous about crashing. When I didn’t think about it I was fine. I would start riding and feel invincible, but if I started to wobble sometimes I would begin to worry about falling.

I don’t really worry about falling down, but I do find myself asking hard questions of myself. I wonder what has stopped me from doing certain things. I wonder why I have been my biggest adversary. It is a useful conversation because if I can identify those things I can correct them.

And that brings me around to the question about who is part of my tribe.

Should I Hang Out With The Same People?

I have developed friendships with many of you. I like visiting your blogs and even though I might not comment I visit more than you might realize. But I have to ask the question of whether hanging out with you is helping me grow.

That sounds obnoxious and pretentious. I am not trying to hurt anyone, but we’re adults and I hope you understand. It is a two way street.

You are not obligated to hang out with me either. I hope you do and that it is because you like to, but I understand if you head elsewhere.


Ultimately I have to revisit my goals and decide if what I am doing makes sense. I don’t blog about religion and politics like I used to because it doesn’t mesh with my goals.

Since my kids have grown up a bit I have started to pull back on how many stories I share about them. They deserve a certain amount of privacy. There are still plenty of things to cover within dad blogging, but again things have changed.

I don’t have answers yet, but I am working on these. As long as I continue to have fun and feel like this adds to life I’ll keep hanging out here.

If you have any thoughts the comment section is yours.

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  1. Andrea May 10, 2013 at 7:45 pm

    I’ve had this open for a bit because I knew I’d need more than a minute to read it and would probably want to respond. And so I do. Now.

    I think your tribe is who you want it to be. I’ve found many people through blogging that I maintained a 1-sided connection with. I thought maybe they were a part of the tribe that was mine. But no, I don’t know that this would be accurate, as my words and efforts were there, and them? Their efforts? Not. And so I think you are the only one who can know who is right for you.

    Also, re: commenting, I find that lately I end up doing loads of commenting on FB instead of the blogs themselves. WHich takes something away from the discussion, I suppose, but sometimes turns out to be easier. But at least I try to represent. In some way. Anyway – thanks for sharing your thoughts. I need to go to bed now. 😉

    • Jack May 25, 2013 at 6:57 pm

      Hi Andrea,

      Got no excuse for the delayed response other than I dropped the ball. I liked your comment and appreciate what you added here because it is solid and substantive. I think you are right about how we have to figure out who is in our tribe and what is right for us.

      I think it changes over time and I am ok with that. It comes with the territory as people, we grow, or at least we try to.

  2. penneyfox May 9, 2013 at 11:59 am

    Interesting thoughts here … I went to a conference last month and one of the speakers talked about how social media is becoming more of a bubble. We’re only connecting with people who think like us, act like us and we unfriend/stop following people who say things we don’t want to hear. Your post just made me think about this concept.

    I’m trying to make an effort to read other bloggers and it’s been an interesting experiment to see another point of view. But let’s be honest here, reading someone’s FB post is not going to make me change my vote for someone (and I do shut people’s feeds off who go off like that) but I get the idea of moving out of our bubble. Hey if anything, it’ll give you some great blog content 🙂

    • Jack May 10, 2013 at 4:22 pm

      Hello Penney,

      It really is a bubble. I see a couple of different things going on with it. On a professional level I try to visit multiple blogs because I want multiple perspectives, it is also part of how I follow people on Twitter and G+.

      Facebook is a different story for me. I am usually not interested in being overwhelmed with political rhetoric there so I tend to mute or unfriend people who don’t share anything other than their political leaning. Don’t mind disagreement, but sometimes I need to see something else, at least on FB I do.

      • penneyfox May 13, 2013 at 6:04 am

        I still have yet to find a home on Google+. I tried it and the whole thing just seemed like too many hoops with circles and friends and whatever. I actually have a bigger list of connections on Pinterest so I’ve been working that social program first, my blog second and then FB and Twitter.

        Do you find that you’re making decent connections on Google +? OR really, I guess the question is, which social program would your top one?

        I agree with you about FB. The latest election clinched it for me. I had been slowing down on using it but all that crap flying around during the election just turned me off. There’s really a small handful of people/fan pages that I seek out and think they’re doing the FB thing right. Other than that, it all feels like noise.

  3. Jessica May 8, 2013 at 2:48 pm

    I agree with those who mentioned the ebbs and flows that go along with being a blogger. Take the time to revisit your goals when it feels right to do so. Then just keep moving forward in a way that is in-line with your new goals.

    • Jack May 8, 2013 at 7:38 pm

      Hi Jessica,

      That makes perfect sense to me. The day I decide I really don’t like this and it has turned into work will be the day I hang up my keyboard. This should be fun.

  4. Bill Dorman May 8, 2013 at 12:59 pm

    I don’t know much, but here’s what I do know; you have to do what’s best for you. If it means you don’t show up at my place because your focus is elsewhere trying to get you closer to your goals, that certainly doesn’t mean our friendship goes away. I, like many others will be the first to understand as my appearances have been very spotty lately.

    There was a time when lack of attention or some other perceived slight might get me a little worked up, but I can assure you I am riding that bicycle nicely now and have no social angst whatsoever….

    Happy almost birthday; enjoy.

    • Jack May 8, 2013 at 7:35 pm

      Hi Bill,

      You know plenty and I agree with it all. We are all human and sometimes things can chap our hides and chafe our skin a bit, but ultimately we have to focus on things that help us grow.

      Being selfish doesn’t always mean you are being bad.

      Thank you for the birthday wishes.

  5. Joe May 8, 2013 at 10:55 am

    Like Julie said, there’s an ebb and flow to it. You may not see me for a while, and then, wham! I’m back.

    Rest assured I’m always lurking in the shadows.

    • Jack May 8, 2013 at 7:32 pm

      I think you are both right and I appreciate both of you. Hope you are enjoying life. You are right, 44 is young. Ask Minnie Minoso.

  6. Tim Bonner May 8, 2013 at 5:43 am

    I’m similar in that I often hang out at many blogs I like but I don’t always comment.

    I don’t always have something worth saying, so what’s the point?

    It doesn’t mean I’m not being supportive as I always share stuff wherever I visit. That’s got to be worth something, huh?

    • Jack May 8, 2013 at 7:31 pm

      Hi Tim,

      I think we often have more value to add than we realize. Sometimes our perspective is colored by our experiences and what is mundane to us is profound to another.

  7. Betsy Cross May 8, 2013 at 3:04 am

    I used to “mess” with this predicament a lot; what’s in it for me, etc.? Now I just value whoever shows up in my feed, email, and reader and do my best showing them that they mean a lot to me for being there. I’ve stopped questioning and started believing in the design of it all, understanding that I don’t see how everything fits together, but I know that all of “it” is important or it wouldn’t be there. There’s a certain negative energy that we send out whether we like it or not, or whether we intend to or not, when we try to control who / what comes in. Just my experience. 🙂

    • Jack May 8, 2013 at 7:27 pm

      Hi Betsy,

      I like to try to just roll with things. Life is much easier when we don’t question all that happens, of course that is easier said than done for some people, namely me. 😉

  8. Christie May 8, 2013 at 2:58 am

    I didn’t know you moved to Texas. My roots are in Dallas but its so damn pretentious now I think I vote for fort worth.

    • Jack May 8, 2013 at 7:25 pm

      Hi Christie,

      Yep, moved out at the end of January. I like both cities well enough, but I appreciate not having as much traffic so Fort Worth is good. Although Dallas traffic doesn’t compare to LA so…

  9. Julie Barrett May 8, 2013 at 2:14 am

    These things ebb and flow. Some people are there for always, some come and go. When it feels like you’re wasting your time then it’s time to move on.

  10. Jens P. Berget May 7, 2013 at 11:31 pm

    I’m in your tribe. And, I believe that we should hang out with the people that makes you feel happy, and that makes you feel important, and that makes you feel progress. That’s how I chose who I follow.

    • Jack May 8, 2013 at 7:22 pm

      Hi Jens,

      I appreciate that and am glad you are. I think you are exactly right. Spend time with people who make you feel good and support you, life is too short.

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