979 Reasons Not To Be Like Dad

Don't make the monkey mad.

Don’t make the monkey mad.

The picture for this post was supposed to be of Captain Picard doing the old facepalm but the damn photo looked distorted so I pulled it. That is par for the course because virtually everything I have done this week has been like trying to do the Hokey-Pokey while drunk and blindfolded.

And everyone knows that if you are going to do the Hokey-Pokey you have to do it with someone else or you look more ridiculous.

Hell, I rarely care about looking ridiculous but if I am going to do it I want to do it right and, well fuck, about everything I have tried to do right this week has been right for trouble.

Yeah, I am stuck in bizarro world trying to figure out what I did to make the monkey mad and that is why I am writing about 979 reasons not to be like dad because if my kids could see me now they would wonder what happened.

Why?

Because if I was any more frustrated it would lead to a meltdown of biblical proportions. Fire and lightning would rain down from the sky, the dead would rise from their graves and you would see me standing on top of a mountaintop shouting at the heavens.Maybe I would be speaking in tongues or maybe it would be as simple as, “Lord is that the best you got! Bring it on!”

Now even atheists understand that when you are standing in the middle of a shit storm you don’t take off your goggles, rain coat and umbrella. You don’t beg for more to prove you are tougher than the rest. You just deal with things in a calm manner.

Or you lose your shit and start stomping in mud puddles and daring fate to come fuck with you because when you are playing the fool you have to go the distance and got dammit, I do it well.

So as I have said more than once, I told the devil that if he dares leave Georgia to come to Texas I will rip off his horns and shove them in places they were never to be stuck. Some of the fundies that live here in the metroplex were horrified to hear that, but I come from Los Angeles and that kind of shit doesn’t scare me at all.

Hell, I have survived fires, mudslides, riots, earthquakes and the 4o5 freeway during rush hour. Do you really think Old Scratch is going to come up with some kind of crazy shit I haven’t experienced or seen during the tour of the lots at Universal Studios.

Not Very Dad Like

If my kids were around I would be embarrassed because this is not very dad like, this meltdown of mine. I would tell them and have told them to not let anger and frustration dictate how they act, respond and react but sometimes it is a case of do as I say and not as I do.

Been trying to break it up into pieces, to do a little divide and conquer but it is not working so well.  Two Ibuprofen haven’t touched the headache nor solved the computer issues.

Got a million fracking pieces of puzzle to solve and not enough patience or time to do it. And every time I get close to the top that boulder rolls right back down and I end up feeling like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football.

I do suppose it is good that there is no Lucy hanging around because when she pulled the ball away I would ever so gracefully spin on my heel and kick her in the teeth and then we could share the good fortune and frustration.

Gah, I think part of the reason I am so frustrated is because I tried to do the right thing and it back fired on me. I always say good intentions don’t always lead to good outcomes and I hate when I am right about that crap.

Should have been the hard ass about something because it would have gotten done with far less craziness and probably more quality. That doesn’t always work out or translate that way, I am not always right, but this time I was.

So maybe the person I am most frustrated with is me.

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Comments

  1. Oh, I hope everything’s going to be fine with you in the next couple of days. You wouldn’t want your children wondering where have their real cool dad has gone.

  2. I hope things start to pick up with you. Anger can be a hard one to deal with. That 405 freeway is a bitch man. I despise that freeway. I am supposed to drive it this Monday and not looking forward to it all.

  3. Oh, I see you had the same week I did 🙂 On my fb fan page you can find the planetary explanation and a nice prayer to shout back at the heavens.

  4. Sometimes it’s good to let it all out! Lucky you are in a place where you can easily do that. Hope things start looking up!

  5. Sounds like a rough week. I hope tomorrow is better.

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