Have You Ever Wrestled With The Universe?
I don’t like bad meals, bad movies and bad music.
Don’t know about you but those three things just rub the the wrong way, maybe it is because they all are tied into pieces and parts of me that matter and that is enough to make a curmudgeon truly cranky.
Been a month since I got back and everything here feels a bit off, all of it is familiar and yet most of it isn’t quite right. Rejoined the crew for my pickup basketball game and found that things are off there in some odd ways.
Got a 23 year-old boy who keeps fighting with me. I try to just ignore him, remind myself that at 23 you are young, dumb and stupid and your ego really messes with you but I can’t seem to just ignore him.
Maybe it is my ego getting in the way, but this entitled brat talks shit the entire game and gets upset when it is given back. I am not dead yet and while I have lost a step I can keep up for a short while with the twenty something kids that play with us.
And yet no one but me seems to be willing to tell this kid to stuff it. I love the game. Love the competition and I love the contact. I take a charge and set a pick that rattles your borns.
I love it.
He hates it and cries…every time.
But no one checks his attitude and when I play nice he gets mean so when I match his level of physicality he cries. So I ask myself if I am the problem or if it is entitled brat.
Takes two to tango and it would be wrong not to ask myself the hard questions.
Broken blog and Technical Difficulties
Been dealing with a broken blog, technical difficulties and car trouble. Been tearing out what little hair Â have left trying to figure out how to fix something.
Most of the crap I have been wading through would be classified as “minor, yet irritating” and in small doses it would be simple to deal with but there has been so much I am wondering if someone is trying to get my attention.
Got this crazy feeling inside that makes me think I know the answers. Got this crazy feeling that makes me feel like I know where I am going to end up but that I have to go through a few things to get there and it makes me ask questions again.
Want to know if I am back in the place intuition and desire intersect and wonder if the universe hasn’t figured out that I am old, stubborn and stupid.
I am the guy who will hold the bridge against ten thousand orcs. I am the guy who will fight until he is overwhelmed and or physically incapable of fighting.
If life is a lesson then why not use the kind of learning that is easy to understand. Why must I feel like I am under attack. That is the kind of thing that sets me off and makes me want to grab the universe by the balls.
Not because I want to or am trying to be a tough guy but because I don’t like this behavior.
I want to have a normal conversation and focus on writing better stories than are filling here now.
Sometimes The Answer Is On The Other Side
Sometimes the answer is on the other side. Sometimes the only way you can figure it out is by going through. That is what I feel in my gut.
Alongside that sense of knowing where I am going Â to end up and who I am going to be there with there is this voice that says keep pushing forward and you can rest/know when you get there.
But there are parts and pieces of me asking if what I hear is real or if it is something else. There are parts and pieces of me that have been left with others until I can come reclaim them.
So I keep writing even when I don’t think the content is up to the standard I want to set. You can’t ever please everyone and I won’t play that game.
I hear ghosts of the past trying to claim me while I reach for the echoes of the future so I dance in the fire because it is what I know how to do and if that means taking up the sword or being pounded with hail then that is what it means.
Because if you want to get to the other side you do what is required.