The man asks me to say something memorable so I tell him I dunked on LeBron James and President Obama.
His face scrunches up and he tells me that not only is that ridiculous it is disrespectful to our president. I roll my eyes at him and tell him I think it would be more disrespectful to go easy on the president.
He asks me what that means and I say I won’t let him drive down the middle, I’ll seal off the left and if necessary I’ll put him on his ass because I don’t give away uncontested plays on the court.
“You do know the secret service will put your ass in a sling if you do that.”
I don’t respond because I am trying to figure out if he really believes I dunked on LeBron or if that got lost in the conversation about whether I should let the president have his way with me on the court.
None of this matters, it is what members of my grandparent’s generation would have deemedÂ narishkeitÂ but I don’t care. I am just blowing off steam because I have been wound far too tightly about too many things.
It is too bad I don’t have video of me dunking on LeBron or blocking the president’s shot and screaming, Â “NOT IN MY HOUSE” because if I did I would post it online and people would say I won the Internet.
How To Win The Internet
I am not a fan of the line. I think of it as a throwaway line, a fast food type comment. It smells good, tastes good but leaves virtually nothing of value.
What the hell does it mean? If it had any substance it would be like our old friends ‘Epic’ and ‘Amazing‘ drained of value by people who over used the words.
Yeah, I know it is used in reference to something people think is cool and I can appreciate that. I often appreciate whatever it is used for but the cranky old man in me thinks of it being far too imprecise for what it is supposed to be.
Maybe it is because I have been asked too many times to write something that will go viral as if that is something simple and easy. Ok, sometimes it is simple and easy but I’d argue luck is involved more often than not.
I mentioned it once to someone else and they told I was too uptight. I sort of thought that was a funny description of a man who won’t back down from anything.
A guy who asks hard questions like how video killed the radio star. Was it with the lead pipe, revolver or what. Did it happen in the library or the study?
Someone find my Magic 8 Ball because I need to know.
If you asked me to give you a serious answer about how to win the Internet I would tell you again that I think luck is involved and that sometimes you have a piece of content that would be perfect except your timing was off.
It could be something witty, insightful and clever but you had the misfortune of posting it when a celebrity dies, a country goes to war or someone discovers the cure to cancer and it is lost under an avalanche of other news.
C’mon Jack, Show Me Something
Ok, if you really put me up against it and gave me no wiggle room I’d tell you that one of the secrets is to try to find something that inspires you. Find something that you can watch, read and listen to multiple times and then ask if it would be of interest to a small group or a large one.
I’ll give you a personal example. I LOVE this clip with John Wooden.
You don’t have to be a sports fan to appreciate it. It is chock full of solid life knowledge/experience that you can apply to your own life no matter your age.
To me that is the sort of thing that is magic.