When Google Accuses Bloggers Of Having Affairs

My good friend Doc Google sent me a Dear John Letter today that left me scratching my head.

I looked at the words below and wondered how it happened. after all of the love we have shared, all of the good times and the life we have built together

After all of the love we have shared, all of the good times and the life we have built together you send me a note accusing me of having engaged in some unnatural torrid love affair.

Unnatural outbound links from http://www.thejackb.com/ violate Google Webmaster Guidelines

Dear Google,

You break my heart with the lack of trust and frankly the lack of evidence or proof here.

To the best of my knowledge I haven’t been running around with any of those trampy, skanky or slutty links.

Granted I have been known to frequent some of the less savory parts of the net but I did it for science, for research and for art.

I am a writer and a man in search of good stories to share.

If you are going to accuse me of these things at least tell me what you think I did wrong and with who.

I can’t read your mind.

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When Google Accuses Bloggers Of Having Affairs

Google, I’d tell you to relax and say you suggest you tone down the hysteria but I can’t get you to take my calls, respond to my texts or even get coffee.

Our friends say it is because you’re concerned we’ll just end up in bed and you’ll forget to be angry with me but I can’t accept that.

Can’t accept it because I don’t know why you are angry and I am not sure if you need to be. I think there must be a misunderstanding.

Remember that night you heard me singing “I have loved you like a baby?”

That is a line from Seven Bridges Road by The Eagles.

I wasn’t talking to anyone, I was just singing along with the guys.

Sure, my voice sucks and it is a joke to think I can harmonize with others but that is not a reason to break up with me.

What Can I Do?

Google, after all these years you ought to know I try hard to make you happy. I am not condescending or patronizing

I am not condescending or patronizing. I don’t just listen to you speak, I hear you. I do my best to anticipate your needs but if there is a problem I can’t fix it without your help.

Can’t make things better if I don’t know more details about what you are upset about and why.

If you really don’t care about having a future and have reached that place where nothing I say or do matters, you need to tell me.

But I don’t think we are there yet and I am willing to work on things to try to fix it.

All I ask is that you meet me half way and give me some more details so that I can do something about this.

C’mon baby, give me something and I’ll whisper those soft HTML commands you so love to hear.

Signed with all of my love and a bit of confusion,

Jack

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