Very few of you have ever met me so you’ll have to take my word that shopping for clothes has always been a chore because of my size.
At 48 there is no hiding that I have filled out a little bit but you wouldn’t look at me and say that I am a giant fat man.
Nor would you say I am the tallest/shortest person you have ever met or seen.
No, you’d say I am broad and if you use a little imagination it would be easy to understand how once upon a time my shoulders made it impossible for me to buy shirts and suits that absolutely had to be altered.
Did I mention that my feet are wide? I wear a 12, triple E.
Even though I may have filled out a bit, right off the rack is still a challenge and part of why shopping is a process.
I rarely feel like my clothes fit the way I really want them to.
The Write Thing To Do For Bloggers
Sometimes blogging reminds me of clothes shopping.
There are no lack of ideas, sizes, colors and options but I wrestle with which ones I really like and can’t always get comfortable with the words I wrap around myself.
That is because I can’t write with the sort of reckless abandon and freedom I want to.
Well, I could but there are consequences there that I am not sure I want to deal with.
For example I don’t write about my kids the way I used to because they’re teens and I don’t want to create a situation that embarrasses them.
They and their friends Google each other and I don’t want to be the reason they get teased or messed with.
Sort of reminds me of an old suit I held onto. It is in good shape and it is one I loved wearing, always felt great and it brought me luck.
Well, I can’t get the pants to zip and the jacket sort of fits…sort of.
So I either have to force it or make some changes.
Drop some weight and I can get back in or give it away and move on.
Let’s say I get back into it, will I still feel the same way about it? Will I still love it and think it brings me luck?
Maybe, or maybe it is better not to try and turn back the clock that way.
Maybe it is just better to accept the change, but still work on getting into better shape because that provides other important benefits.
That Virginia Woolf quote makes a lot of sense to me as all of my experiences inform my writing.
Hell, friends and family who read my material often ask me if a particular post or story is about them or something we did together.
Technically I can write about anything and everything that I have experienced and so there have been times that I have done that.
But the older my kids get and the more I see people Googling each other the more cautious I become about some of it.
Because it impacts others.
So the question I find myself asking is where are those lines.
If I tell you about the time a bear interrupted my girlfriend and I (true story) do I need to worry about her getting upset?
It is almost 30 years ago and as far as I know she has never read a thing I have written. I haven’t used her name and I use a pen name here so it is probably fine.
But the stuff with the kids, well that is different and that is going to be something more recent.
Lines are blurry in some places and clear in others.
Sometimes the words fit just fine and sometimes, not so much.
Things I Could Write About
Some of you ask why I dance around topics and wonder if I’ll do more than dip my toe.
I refer back to blurry lines and privacy as reasons why I don’t go deeper.
It is intentional.
And it is because I am concerned that I won’t provide the depth, feeling, clarity and nuance in my words that I want them to have.
It is because some conversations really need to happen in person and then maybe the words can be written because there is less opportunity for misunderstanding, but it is not a given.
The only given for me is that sometimes we are connected to and with others and it doesn’t matter whether we want to be or not.
The ties that bind keep us tethered and it is up to us to decide whether those tethers are metal chains or a soft feather like substance.