The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Caught My Eye

Untapped Sources of Energy

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A columnist for Slate wonders if she can use her chest to power an iPod. Now this isn’t the kind of information that most of us would go searching for; but you never know when you might make an appearance on Jeopardy or be stuck on a desert island in desperate need of power.

And for now for your consumption:

“It turns out that the physics of breast motion have been studied closely for the last two decades by a gamut of researchers, most of them women. LaJean Lawson, a former professor of exercise science at Oregon State University, has studied breast motion since 1985 and now works as a consultant for companies like Nike to develop better sports bra designs. Lawson was enthusiastic about my idea but warned it would be tricky to pull off. You would need the right breast size and the right material, she explained, and the bra itself would have to be cleverly designed. “It’s just a matter of finding the sweet spot, between reducing motion to the point where it’s comfortable but still allowing enough motion to power your iPod,” she said.

Lawson explained that breasts move on three different axes: from side to side, front to back, and up and down. The most motion is generated on the vertical axis. Naturally, the bigger the breast, the more momentum it generates. “Let’s face it—if you’re a double-A marathoner, you’re probably not going to get that iPod up and running,” Lawson said. Measurements compiled by Lawson and her colleagues show that a D-cup in a low-support bra can travel as much as 35 inches up and down (35 inches!) during exercise, while a B-cup in a high-support bra barely moves an inch.”

Not quite as much as fun as the story about the mohel who beat the speeding ticket, but…

From The Great State of Ohio- No Fornicating with Furniture

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And people ask why I make fun of cleveland. A couple of questions for you. If you noticed your neighbor was fornicating with the furniture would you:

A) Watch and keep an eye out to see if it happened again.
B) Film the incident and burn it onto a DVD.
C) Have the balls to submit the footage to the police.

What about choosing all three. Now I don’t know about you, but if I was the tipster I might be a little nervous about my neighbor. You don’t know what he might do in a fit of rage. Imagine your poor rocking chair. Consider the feelings of your own wicker furniture. Think about the impact this might have on your ottoman.

“BELLEVUE, OH — A man in central Ohio is accused of having sex with his picnic table.

The investigation began when a tipster gave police three DVDs showing Arthur Price having sexual intercourse with a metal round table on his deck.

The incidents occurred between January and March 2008.

Police say the DVDs show Price involved in a sex act in his bedroom. He walks out to his deck, tilts the table on its side and has sex with it.

Police say Price lives near an elementary school.

Price admitted that he had sex with the picnic table when police questioned him.

He confirmed to police the incidents caught on the DVDs and said he had also had sex with the table inside the home.

Price faces four counts of public indecency. He is free on a $20,000 bond.”

When Darth Vader Attacks I’ll Be Prepared

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This sort of stuff happens to me all the time, except I know how to use the force. Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh about a guy getting his butt whipped by Darth Vader, but it just cracks me up.

A Star Wars fan got closer to his idols than he would perhaps have liked when he was attacked in his garden by Darth Vader.

Jedi Master Jonba Hehol – known to family and friends as Barney Jones, 36, of Holyhead – was giving a TV interview in his back garden for a documentary when a man, dressed in a black bin-bag and wearing Darth Vader’s trademark shiny black helmet, leapt over his garden fence.

Wielding a metal crutch – his lightsaber presumably being in for repairs – the Sith Lord proceeded to lay about his opponent, whose Jedi powers proved inadequate for the task of defending himself.

After besting Master Hehol in single combat, Vader, who The Sun reports was under the influence of alcohol, went on to assault the camera crew and a hairdresser.

Master Hehol, a hairdresser, who founded the first-ever British Jedi Church in loving homage to the world-famous science fiction franchise with his brother Daniel, was unimpressed by the revenge of the Sith.

“This wasn’t a joke. This was serious,” he said.

Suicide ‘factory’ reopens – next to a brothel

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Now here is something you don’t see every day.

Karl Rütsche, a spokesman for Schwerzenbach council, said it was not happy when it heard Dignitas had settled in its community but was powerless to act. ‘Of course, as a council we tried to stop them moving here and we fought the Dignitas decision tooth and nail. We didn’t want the country’s biggest sex club and largest death factory side-by-side on our doorstep.’ He added: ‘Having lost the battle to keep them away at least we can say that – on a positive note – everyone now knows where Schwerzenbach is. And as far as I know there have never been any complaints from any of the people living here, never mind a petition or protest action. Now they have settled in, I have to admit Dignitas seems to be a very professional company.

‘As a resident, you don’t really notice what is happening. We estimate about 200 people a year will kill themselves there, but we won’t notice anything if we don’t have to register the deaths. We don’t have any hotels. I gather that isn’t a problem because Dignitas’s customers usually arrive on the day and go straight to the company’s offices.

‘The only problem ever is that Dignitas doesn’t advertise its presence – and a lot of people get lost and have to ask for directions. But there are 300 customers a day going to the brothel, so there is always someone around to ask.’

British Nurses: We Sleep With Our Patients

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Who said that healthcare in England was subpar.

“THOUSANDS of nurses believe it is justified to break the taboo on having an affair with a patient in their care.

Almost one in 10 nurses think starting a relationship with one of their patients is acceptable while one in six said they knew of a colleague who had a sexual relationship with a patient they were looking after.

The findings, published by the Nursing Times, will add weight to the controversial remarks by Conservative peer Lord Mancroft that nurses are “promiscuous” and “unprofessional”.

Mancroft has faced a huge backlash after claiming that nurses discussed their sexual and drinking exploits in front of him while he was being treated at the Royal United hospital in Bath last summer.

The survey’s findings suggest a significant proportion of Britain’s 400,000 nurses are prepared to run the risk of sanctions – which in extreme cases could entail being struck off – for sleeping with patients. They also reveal that relationships between nurses and patients are not uncommon.

In January the Council for Healthcare Regulatory Excellence (CHRE) issued strict new rules reminding nurses that they face disciplinary action if they embark on a sexual relationship with a current patient.

The rules also say that relationships with former patients will often be deemed unacceptable. The regulations have proved contentious with nurses who say many such relationships end in marriage.”

For the full story please click here.

What Can Your Body Endure?

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This kind of trivia always catches my eye:

What is the hottest curry you can bear to eat?

The active ingredient in curry or chilli is capsaicin. The more capsaicin present, the hotter the curry. Ordinary Tabasco sauce is about 260 parts per million capsaicin. A habanero chilli contains about 17,000ppm.

Theoretically, the hottest curry you could make would be a bowl of pure capsaicin crystals. This dish would be 10,000 times hotter than a vindaloo.

Although capsaicin does not actually cause a chemical burn or any direct tissue damage itself, the impact on the nervous system of such powerful stimulation is similar to an allergic reaction. As well as incredible pain, you could expect uncontrollably streaming eyes and nose, upper body spasms, and severe difficulty breathing for 30 to 45 minutes.

In fact, our ultimate curry would be five times stronger than the pepper spray used by police for riot control.

Provided you are healthy with no history of heart conditions or asthma, it might be possible to survive a teaspoon of pure capsaicin, but impossible to eat anything else for a few hours.

Theoretical limit: 5g capsaicin
Current record: 0.1g

In 2005, Blair Lazar refined 500g of capsaicin from chilli peppers to create a sauce. He tried a single crystal. “It was like having your tongue hit with a hammer,” he said.


How fast can your legs carry you?

The question of how fast it is possible for a human to run is more complicated than it sounds. Even deciding who is today’s fastest human is tricky.

The current world record for the 100m sprint is held by Asafa Powell of Jamaica, who clocked a time of 9.74 seconds in 2007. This gives an average speed of 36.96km/h, but since the runners must begin from a standstill, this includes the time taken to accelerate.

Sprinters in a 200m race will complete their second 100m in a shorter time than the first because they are already running at full speed as they cross the 100m mark.

Since the advent of electronic timing in 1968, the men’s world record for the 100m has been beaten 11 times (but never by more than 0.05 seconds). Improvements in track and running shoe technology or the effects of wind and altitude are the most likely causes of this.

Most of the forward force in a running stride is supplied by the quadricep muscles. These are attached to the knee by the quadriceps tendon. Work done by Dr Gideon B. Ariel in the 1970s suggested that any time faster than 9.60 seconds would require forces high enough to rupture this tendon from its attachment point. Taking this as the fastest possible time for the 100m would give an average speed 37.5km/h.

Top sprinters peak around the 80m mark. Taking this as a guide, it’s possible to estimate a runner’s maximum speed as 11.96m/s or 43.06km/h.

Theoretical limit: 43.06km/h
Current record: 42.52km/h

In 2007, Asafa Powell ran with a 1.7m/sec tailwind. Despite this, he only improved on the record by 0.05 seconds.

How many bee stings can you survive?

2243: the greatest number of bee stings ever survived.

600: the theoretical dose needed to give a 50 per cent chance of death.

Want to learn more? Click here.