The Next Time I Visit Ikea

English: 'IKEA', Belfast Swedish über retailer...

English: ‘IKEA’, Belfast Swedish über retailer IKEA at Holywood Exchange on the outskirts of Belfast. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The next time I go to Ikea I have decided that I am going to have some fun. I have decided that I want to replace the store signs with some of my own devising.

As you may know Ikea is Swedish and virtually all of the items in the store are marked in English and Swedish. If you take a look at the Ikea catalogue here you’ll see what I am talking about.

Since most Americans don’t speak Swedish I figure it should be relatively easy to start an Ikea revolution. How many of the Ikea employees are going to realize that any changes have been made.

For example what would happen if you saw an easel and saw that it was called an Artfouker. It is Swedish, you don’t speak Swedish. You wouldn’t think twice about it. It should be easy to go through and make a few changes here and there.

Want something for your bedroom? Maybe you need to buy a Floozieliker. In the bathroom you’ll probably need to get a Strudelsocker or Coksenhoser.

The kitchen could use a few Meathosen and Gorken.

See the possibilities are endless.

Bork, Bork, Bork, Sushi.

The following is a Guest post by The Waffle Master.

Floozle; chair
Harumbeldee: lamp
Brap: lightbulb
You’ve seen these words over and over in the Ikea catalog, yet the voice of the Swedish Chef from the Muppets
keeps ringing in my ears.
Turns out, the Japanese are having trouble with Ikea as well. (source:
Swedish do-it-yourself furniture giant Ikea has been ordered to give better instructions in Japan after a customer suffered minor injuries assembling a chest.
The man in Chiba, in suburban Tokyo, was hurt in the eye by a broken screw last July, the Japanese industry ministry said.

“The cause of the accident is believed to be the customer using an inappropriate size of straight slot driver instead of a cross slot,” the ministry said in a recent report.

“But the instructions on the product failed to give enough information on what kind of screwdriver should be employed or to alert customers on the risk of building the product,” it said.

Ikea has won legions of fans with its affordable yet stylish designs, but its no-frills self-assembly approach has also caused legendary tales of frustration.

Ikea‘s giving Chinglish a run for their money.