Useful Information

And people ask why I make fun of cleveland. A couple of questions for you. If you noticed your neighbor was fornicating with the furniture would you:

A) Watch and keep an eye out to see if it happened again.
B) Film the incident and burn it onto a DVD.
C) Have the balls to submit the footage to the police.

What about choosing all three. Now I don’t know about you, but if I was the tipster I might be a little nervous about my neighbor. You don’t know what he might do in a fit of rage. Imagine your poor rocking chair. Consider the feelings of your own wicker furniture. Think about the impact this might have on your ottoman.

“BELLEVUE, OH — A man in central Ohio is accused of having sex with his picnic table.

The investigation began when a tipster gave police three DVDs showing Arthur Price having sexual intercourse with a metal round table on his deck.

The incidents occurred between January and March 2008.

Police say the DVDs show Price involved in a sex act in his bedroom. He walks out to his deck, tilts the table on its side and has sex with it.

Police say Price lives near an elementary school.

Price admitted that he had sex with the picnic table when police questioned him.

He confirmed to police the incidents caught on the DVDs and said he had also had sex with the table inside the home.

Price faces four counts of public indecency. He is free on a $20,000 bond.”

This sort of stuff happens to me all the time, except I know how to use the force. Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh about a guy getting his butt whipped by Darth Vader, but it just cracks me up.

A Star Wars fan got closer to his idols than he would perhaps have liked when he was attacked in his garden by Darth Vader.

Jedi Master Jonba Hehol – known to family and friends as Barney Jones, 36, of Holyhead – was giving a TV interview in his back garden for a documentary when a man, dressed in a black bin-bag and wearing Darth Vader’s trademark shiny black helmet, leapt over his garden fence.

Wielding a metal crutch – his lightsaber presumably being in for repairs – the Sith Lord proceeded to lay about his opponent, whose Jedi powers proved inadequate for the task of defending himself.

After besting Master Hehol in single combat, Vader, who The Sun reports was under the influence of alcohol, went on to assault the camera crew and a hairdresser.

Master Hehol, a hairdresser, who founded the first-ever British Jedi Church in loving homage to the world-famous science fiction franchise with his brother Daniel, was unimpressed by the revenge of the Sith.

“This wasn’t a joke. This was serious,” he said.