Dear Russian Spammer,
I’d like to introduce myself. I am Jack and this my blog. Every day I make a point to check my spam folder to make sure that legitimate comments don’t get caught there accidentally. Most of the time Akismet does a fine job of sorting the wheat from the chaff but every now and then someone gets caught and I have to set them free.
Unfortunately you don’t receive the same courtesies as the few who are mistakenly sent to the cyberspace version of Siberia. No sir, you get stuck in Cyberia and linger there until I choose to delete you. This happens every day, throughout the day.
I must admit that I have begun to wonder what it is that you are writing about. I have to admit that I wonder if you aren’t trying to use me as your Jack Ryan so that you may defect. It would be kind of cool to know that you and your small crew of sailors want me to take custody of your nuclear submarine so that you can start your new lives as farmers, ranchers and wacky bloggers.
But you keep writing in Russian and though some of my ancestors came from Russia I don’t speak Russian. So I haven’t the foggiest idea what the hell you are really writing about and consequently I have to let you remain incarcerated. Of course it is always possible that you are a Cossack and that your relatives chased mine through the fields and cities. From that perspective I would have to say that you are getting off easy because the family owes you a giant boot the head as well as one for the wimp.
Well, it has been fun but I have run now so I’ll leave you to your spam efforts. Godspeed and carry on.