The Mistress of Tongue

The story below is based upon the following prompt from The Red Dress Club:

This week’s prompt was about affection. We asked you to write how the show of affection played a part in your memory.

You were to choose a time when either the abundance or lack of affection and take us to that moment.

It is the Spring of 1988 and I am a 19 year-old freshman in college enjoying all of the freedom and benefits that university life has to offer. My initial plan to spend the year in Israel has been scrapped and I am pleasantly surprised by how much fun I am having.

There is a girl in my political science class that intrigues me. I have spent more than a few minutes trying to stare at her without getting caught. She has long black hair and dark eyes.  It is quite warm in spring so I am treated to lots of sun dresses and or shorts. Some days I make a point to sit just behind her and to the side. From there I am able to drink deeply in the dreams I have of her. She has a lot of attention from men so I don’t want to be like everyone else- I need to figure an angle that will make her notice me.

Little do I know that tripping over my own two feet will be enough to catch her eye.

Class has just ended and we’re heading out of class to wherever we need to be. She is standing in front of me and my eyes are drawn downwards. I am walking but not watching where I am going and somehow I end up sprawled in the hallway. Don’t know if I grunted, screamed or if she heard the soft thud my head made when it smacked the ground. What I do know is that  I find her standing over me. She wants to know if I am ok. I mumble something at her and stand up. We talk for a moment. I attempt to be cool and fail miserably at it.

But the fall has broken the ice and we start to have conversations. I am ecstatic about it and work hard to say just enough not to sound like a fool.  A few weeks pass and I gather the courage to ask her out. She takes me with her to a party at her friend’s apartment and we grab a few drinks. I am more than pleased that she laughs at my jokes. She flips her hair and touches my arm throughout the night and I begin to think that maybe lady luck is with me.

A short time later we’re at her apartment. I try to figure out how to kiss her without looking foolish. I think to myself that Jewish kids don’t have patron saints, but if I did it would be great for our Lady of Getting Lucky tonight to put a good word in for me. My silent prayer is answered and she invites me in.

Moments later her arms are wrapped around me and I am trying to hide my response. Can’t give away all my secrets so quickly. A few soft kisses lead to her neck and I feel her melt. She grabs my face in her hands and I prepare to enter heaven when I receive a sudden and rude shock.

Her tongue is everywhere and not in a good way. Apparently my dream date has graduated from the St. Bernard School of Open Mouth Kissing. I stand there in shock trying to figure out if she thinks that my face is made of chocolate or peanut butter. Remember, I am 19 and the boys have told me that we want a woman who is a master with her tongue, but this isn’t what they were talking about…now is it.

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25 Comments

  1. The JackB June 15, 2011 at 10:13 pm

    @bfe33ff8a292aaec815fe44b61666fbf:disqus I have had that happen a few times- but every now and then it was better than expected.

  2. Leighann June 16, 2011 at 12:12 am

    Great post Jack.
    I often found that the person, object, food, I lusted after usually turned out to be better in my head.

  3. The JackB June 15, 2011 at 7:39 am

    It certainly was something else.

  4. frelle June 14, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    loved this.  what a great college flashback to fantasy and harsh reality!!!

  5. From Tracie June 14, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    Hilarious! I remember my first encounter with one of those slobbery kissers, a total turn-OFF!

    (I loved your mace comment too.)

  6. From Tracie June 15, 2011 at 12:37 am

    Hilarious! I remember my first encounter with one of those slobbery kissers, a total turn-OFF!

    (I loved your mace comment too.)

  7. Brad Holland June 14, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    Dude, you married her, didn’t you?

  8. Brad Holland June 14, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    Dude, you married her, didn’t you?

  9. Galit Breen June 14, 2011 at 3:43 am

    Shoot! And she had so much potential! 🙂

    Love that the fall kicked things off, too bad about the ending! 🙂

  10. Galit Breen June 14, 2011 at 11:43 am

    Shoot! And she had so much potential! 🙂

    Love that the fall kicked things off, too bad about the ending! 🙂

  11. Kim at Let Me Start By Saying June 14, 2011 at 3:01 am

    How awful is it when you you discover that the person who you have on a pedestal used her tongue to climb  up there?  Ew.  I hope you weren’t injured, poked in the eye or whatever.
    Sorry to laugh, but this was awesome.
    Glad I came from TRDC linkup!

  12. Kim at Let Me Start By Saying June 14, 2011 at 11:01 am

    How awful is it when you you discover that the person who you have on a pedestal used her tongue to climb  up there?  Ew.  I hope you weren’t injured, poked in the eye or whatever.
    Sorry to laugh, but this was awesome.
    Glad I came from TRDC linkup!

  13. Amy Worley June 14, 2011 at 2:50 am

    Funny stuff.  Great take on the prompt.  I have quite a visual–especially before 7 a.m.  You did a good job describing the pursuit, the dogged chasing the focus of your affection.  And then…whamo…shitty kisser. What. A. Bummer.  –HonestConvoGal
    from TRDC

  14. Amy Worley June 14, 2011 at 10:50 am

    Funny stuff.  Great take on the prompt.  I have quite a visual–especially before 7 a.m.  You did a good job describing the pursuit, the dogged chasing the focus of your affection.  And then…whamo…shitty kisser. What. A. Bummer.  –HonestConvoGal
    from TRDC

    • The JackB June 14, 2011 at 7:09 pm

      @google-59e112c9e196b97ca95458c017a8cdd0:disqus I have a very vivid memory of the moment just before she made like Beethoven the St. Bernard and the moments afterwards. It was…something.

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