I Could Be a Better Father
I could be a better father than I am now. That doesn’t mean that I am not good because I am. My kids will tell you that I am the best father in the world and more importantly they’ll mean it.
But that doesn’t mean that I am not aware of my shortcomings or that I haven’t any interest in becoming better. I suppose that I could provide you with a list of things that I want to work on. If this were a real review I might very well do that. But if I did that I would want to include some metrics that I could measure myself against because how else do you know if you are improving.
Except I don’t need metrics. I am competing with myself and with the image I have of my father and grandfathers. They set the standard that I am trying to follow.
Lately the kids and I seem to be listening to Paradise a lot, both this version and the one that the Piano Guys did. We listen to all sort of other music too. The dark haired beauty is trying hard to teach me how to shuffle. Don’t tell her but I am intentionally not learning how to do it.
That is because she is so damn cute I don’t want her to stop teaching me. I am having all sorts of fun.
My son left today for a three day school trip. He is off in the mountains participating in a science camp that I wish I could go to. That is not because I am nervous about him being away from home because I trust the school. Nope, I wanted to go because the stuff they are doing there sounds really interesting to me.
Still I wonder what he is doing and hope he is having a good time. Tonight at the basketball game a couple of the dads with younger children asked me if it was hard to let him go. I told them the same thing I wrote here, I trust the school and the staff that is chaperoning the trip.
But that doesn’t mean that I don’t think it is a reasonable question. We place an enormous amount of faith and trust in the schools our children attend. Sometimes that trust is betrayed in truly terrible and horrific ways. I believe that those are the exceptions and not the rule. We can’t stick our children inside a bubble and keep them safe from everything.
Part of the job is making sure they learn how to become productive members of society. This kind of trip helps make that happen. Even though he is being looked after he still has a fair amount of responsibility and that is part of the growth opportunity I see here.
“Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I’ve walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah”
My friend Sandi has a post she calls 21 Quotes To Crush Your Someday Thinking. I like it. My friend Janet has run similar posts to. I like them as well. These are posts that talk about taking action and not waiting for your dreams to magically come true. These are posts that offer inspiration.
I think about them because I agree with the principle of living your dreams and not dreaming your life. What I struggle with is how to make that happen for me without doing it at the expense of my children.
That is because when you dream of being a writer you have to accept that there will be a time where you won’t earn much. I don’t mind working hard to make my dreams into something more. I don’t mind chasing after them. I am having so much fun writing my story that I would do it regardless of my desire to publish it.
Most of the time I have just as much fun blogging. I may have told Bill that I am not sure if I have more words to share but I tend to think that I will find them. If I have trouble I’ll go visit John or Stan. They always give me food for thought. And if that doesn’t work I can always watch Clint Eastwood talk about Halftime again.
And if for some reason that doesn’t work I can always dig through Stupid Blog Tricks and find something there.
In the interim I am still working on becoming a better father and a better writer. I am still working on building a bigger platform because that is supposed to help convince an agent to represent me. It is why I ask you to be part of my community. Good things happen for those who are willing to work hard. Good things happen for those who are brave enough to dare to try new things.
I want those good things and I am going to get them.
This post is part of the Just Write project. It is all about free writing and not having to worry about structure. Some of you would benefit from writing like this. It is worth checking out.