The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Children

Another Year Comes And Goes

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Another year comes and goes isn’t quite accurate as we haven’t reached the end of 2022 but in my experience the time between Thanksgiving and December 31 moves at light speed.

Thought about it because I heard someone play The Hustle and it reminded me of being a kid at  a New Years party and being told I had to go to bed.

I was around seven or so and remember being angry because I was certain I was old enough to be up past midnight for a party.

Heck, there had been times when I had absolutely been up then so I had no understanding of what crazy logic my parents were using.

But I wanted time to move faster so that I could show them that I could stay up late and not be tired the next day.

It’s funny how slowly time goes as a kid because you only want it to go faster and as an adult it flies by but you wouldn’t mind if it slowed down.

Had all of my kids for Thanksgiving and got an excited call from my middle sister who told me that her oldest was able to take time off from the new job to go to her table.

I told her to say hi for me and to appreciate that he had driven through three states to get to her and then laughed because that still sounds ridiculous to me.

Driving through three states that is, not that it can’t be done but if you can do it in a day those states are awfully small.


Hold On One More Day

Got some big stuff on tap this week and it’s chapping my hide that it is chapping my hide.

Really shouldn’t be any reason to be concerned because I will manage whatever comes my way, but something about it has me uneasy.

Probably irked because I know there are some big changes and I don’t know enough about them to start working out how to handle them.

You can equate this to why I dislike hurricanes much more than earthquakes.

I haven’t any problem accepting that Mother Nature can unload some pretty heavy stuff upon us but I hate the idea of watching and waiting for a hurricane to hit.

Reminds me a bit of when I was younger and I got into some fist fights. I hated the anticipation of whether it would hurt much when I got hit.

Always felt better after I had been bloodied because I knew what I was dealing with.

Earthquakes can be pretty damn scary sometimes but you don’t get to spend a week or part of a week walking on eggshells while you wonder if the beast is going to wallop you or give you a small kiss.

So I am focused now on holding on one more day so I can more accurately gauge and assess what needs to happen.

Anticipation is no fun.


Walt Was Right

I like what Walt had to say in the quote above, he was correct and I follow his advice.

Doesn’t hurt that it tends to fit my preferred way of living, now more than ever. As the years go by I get a bit crankier and more set in some of my ways.

Not all, I am not above changing if it makes sense, always open to better ways of doing things.

Made a point to talk to the kids about that at the Thanksgiving table. Told them what I am grateful for, told them a little bit about what scares me and what gives me hope.

Got more hope than fear, that is a good place to be.

That Time When Almost Everyone Got Covid

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One day the story of that time when almost everyone got Covid will be told and when it does we’ll be sure to laugh heartily at how ridiculous it all was…but not today.

We’ll tell you about how the family flew in to celebrate my daughter’s high school celebration and how wearing masks and being fully vaccinated didn’t work as well as we hoped it would.

Given the current climate I’ll stress I am a believer in science and medicine and a proponent of getting vaccinated. Some failures are going to happen upon occasion and I would still argue in favor of smart preventative measures.

Anyhoo, a couple of days after the graduation my daughter’s mom came down with Covid. She was fully vaccinated, including the boosters and wearing a mask…go figure.

A day after that I came down with a fever and a scratchy throat so per instruction from my doc I went to urgent care and they checked me out for Covid and strep throat.

I tested negative for both. Hell, I tested negative for Covid a couple of times afterward so it seems I never had it or maybe I am just one of those people it didn’t register with.

Took me about 18 hours to shake whatever I had which is pretty standard for what happens when I get one of my twice-a-year colds.

But the real concern were the multiple senior citizens who flew out, some of whom are immunocompromised as well as in the aforementioned demographic.

As of today only one of the four got sick and it indeed was Covid but it appears decent genes and some meds have mostly taken care of the illness.

Still it made for some dicey moments and extended several trips beyond where they were supposed to be.


What To Do & How To Do What

Given all of the fun I have been in insolation for a while now more out of an abundance of caution than anything else.

It created more than a little stress because I never felt particularly ill and there was always concern about how to best help the visitors, especially my mother who didn’t rent a car and was sort of stuck at the hotel.

Fortunately, the grandkids are at an age where they can drive and given they all tested negative were able to spend time with grandma.

Although that helped give me peace of mind there was still a nagging question about what to do and how to best do it.

Wasn’t going to panic but also wanted to be prudent.

Given ages, history and life experience I know that life can turn on a dime and that any time I see them it could be the last time.

When it came to my mom I looked at genetics a bit, had a couple of conversations and talked it out with her.

She is still almost 20 years younger than her both her parents were when they died. Overall she has a pretty good bill of health and her doc didn’t have issue with her traveling on the graduation circuit.

That added some comfort, especially given her attitude. She doesn’t want to miss out on these opportunities because even with good health/genes her age makes it clear there is a clock.

So some of this is/was a calculated risk.

I didn’t hug her goodbye and I was a good 15 feet away when I said “I’ll try to see you later this summer.”

If you ask me my gut feeling on it all I will tell you I feel good about it and that I expect to see her again. She felt fine when she left and fine when she landed so I am going with that.

Won’t say that I haven’t kept my fingers crossed and hoped not to be proven wrong about anything.

Won’t say that it hasn’t been extra stressful for reasons both obvious and less so either.

But I am looking forward to the day when this is just one more funny story.

Especially given the last three weeks included plumbing issues, a car accident and an assortment of other irritants in addition to this last set of nonsense.

Kids asked me why so much has to happen at one time and I told them it is because life doesn’t care.

“You get what you get however you get it and then you just roll with it. Manage it as best you can and try not to let it make you crazy.”

I think it is pretty good advice, I ought to tell it to myself again because there are days…

The History Of A Girl’s Life

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Today was the last day of school for a high school senior who calls me father. Ok, that is not the term she uses for me but it is accurate because I am her father.

I started blogging while she was what some would call In Utero and given it won’t be long before her 18th birthday rolls around it occurs to me I really have been doing this for a while.

In many ways this blog in all its aspects (blogger and self-hosted) is the history of a girl’s life. It is not what you would call chapter and verse but it is not supposed to be.

Many of the best and or most interesting stories have been left out because she deserves to build her own digital footprint and because I don’t have ownership of it all anymore.

There are multiple boundaries that I try to be cognizant of because in the world she is growing up in it is not uncommon for people to search for information about others. Some of her friends have found bits and pieces of things and we have had discussions about that.

It is strange sometimes to realize how much of a life she has that I am barely aware of. Makes sense because it was the same when I was her age, but still surreal in a way.


Conversations

The time of her living at home on a full time basis is coming to an end and so I find myself trying to engage in more conversations about multiple topics.

We talked often before this time arrived, but something about it has pushed me to try to cram more in.

Pushed me to reiterate lessons I hope she has learned and information that may not have sunk in because she was younger when she first got it.

I recognize in many ways she is who she is and that if her character isn’t of a certain nature already it is too late.

The good news is I am pleased and proud with and of who she is but it doesn’t mean there is no interest in a gentle push here and there

I shared the Ben Franklin quote above with her and she asked what point I was trying to make.

“Lots of people will try to motivate you to do different things with quotes from famous people. Lots of them won’t ever have given any thought to what the quote means or what context it was originally given in.

Never stop thinking and don’t let people tell you that rights that have been held by all Americans for decades ought to be adjusted just because a minority dislikes them. What we give away cannot aways be taken back with any sort of ease on both large and small scale.”

****

She sat with it for a while and then I told her she could take it solely on a political level or she could see an application on a personal level too.

There might be better quotes and or better ways to drive home the points I want her to take but there isn’t time to get too deep into searching for them and that is ok.

It is surreal to think she is almost on her way out of here, the baby isn’t a baby anymore.

Yesterday she was in preschool and I was so much younger myself. Today we are both far older and tomorrow, well we’ll leave tomorrow where it is as it will come soon enough.

The Greatest Dad Blogger You Never Read

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A colleague started a blog last month but I didn’t read any of their posts nor comment on what they were doing.

My time is more limited than it has been and my interest level was low. Blame that upon their poor email writing skills.

They lack structure, contain grammatical errors and serve as a tool for curing insomnia so I had limited reason to believe a blog would be an improvement.

Fate smiles upon the judgmental so I was paired with them for an assignment and they asked me if they remembered hearing that I had worked in marketing.

“Yes, I have some experience there.”

“I recently started writing one of those blogs people do.  I want to use it to make money. I am going to make some Tik-Tok videos and do some other stuff that I’ll place there. But I need to get people to read it. Could you look at it and tell me what you think. I need to know how to promote it.”

I told him to remember some people are internet famous and that doesn’t translate into income.

“Hell you could be talking to the greatest dad blogger you never read.”

“What is a dad blogger?”

I reframed and refocused the conversation about the task that pays the bills and let the opportunity to market myself go.


Anonymity

I am semi-anonymous online and that is mostly by choice. Some of you know my name and some have broken bread in-person multiple times.

Most of that is by choice, but there are a few who found out through other means and though there are good stories tied into that we’ll set them aside for the moment.

There are more than 10,000 posts in this blog on a wide variety of topics and a limited upside to being read for professional colleagues.

Should they be found I am confident and comfortable with having a discussion about them but my preference is to not engage.

We’re living in a time in which people are less tolerant and more sensitive on a wide variety of topics and I am sometimes a blunt instrument in my approach.

Why engage and risk irritation if I don’t have to.

That is tied into why this blog doesn’t have pictures of my family or the names of my children. They are entitled to living their own lives and creating their own digital footprints.

It would have been more profitable for me to take a different approach.

Had I used their names and pictures I could have gotten more brand ambassadorships, more sponsorships and more opportunities to become a bigger brand.

That is not how I roll and I know too many stories about other bloggers whose children are irritated about the stories.

It is also why I slowed down on some of the stories as they aged.

My oldest was 3 when I started this and they’ll be 22 this year. If people search for them online they will not find stories they can identify as belonging to him and I am good with that.

My baby will be going to college in the fall. She has no reason to worry about admissions officers turning her down or commenting on anything written about her.

She hasn’t done anything that would serve as grounds for not being accepted but you never know what or how people will interpret things.

Bottom line is my job isn’t to just teach them how to grow up and be good people, it is to protect them however I can…forever.

Most of that has gone through the natural evolution that comes with their not being little children anymore.

They don’t live a life in which they are enveloped in bubble wrap or prevented from taking risk.

Sometimes that is hard because I have seen them make choices I think are questionable, but I let it go because that is how you learn.

They have done a stellar job overall. But you never stop worrying completely and that is ok, it comes with the job description.

What’s A Little Chaos On A Saturday Morning

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Eventually the Shmata Queen will get back around to read this and I can tell her the 198 texts she sent me while writing this are why it is relatively short.

Not really complaining because the conversation and information is important.

We’re exchanging thoughts, ideas and information about the hostage crisis here which we both experienced though in slightly different ways.

Neither of us were physically there but we were on the livestream and had it not been for Covid there is no guarantee that we could have been or not been there when the terrorist showed up.

It is disconcerting and infuriating that this happened yet again and that we expect there to be another incident.

Certainly we hope that is not the case, but prudence and experience dictates that preparations need to be made for ourselves and the institutions we support, believe in and attend.

Put Anger Aside

I told the kids to remember in a crisis situation we need to put anger aside and be smart. We need to do our best to be logical, rational and deliberate in our actions.

Let emotion drive you during such things and bad stuff can happen. I also told them not to expect to be automatons or that I expect them to be such.

Irks me to no end, but I operate in reality as the world is and push to build the world we want to live in while recognizing the one we are actually in.

Be angry after. Use it to motivate you to take necessary actions, but prepare and try eliminate, reduce and avoid the problems up front as best you can.

It is a sad statement, but important.

It Don’t Come Easy

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It is never easy watching your kids go through challenging times where you know they have to figure it out themselves.

You can offer support, guidance and someone to speak with but you can’t take on the monsters for them or they’ll never figure out how to slay dragons on their own.

Got one of those situations going on now, but I hadn’t realized how far it had advanced until we had a certain conversation today.

Made for some heartache and pain but also some pride in seeing how much they have grown and how mature their response is.

Afterwards, I was asked what I want to do and I said I could go kick the asses of those responsible for this and I could.

But that would require ignoring my own advice and gut. Can’t slay the dragon for them.

So now I have to sit, watch and wait.

Dammit.