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The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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Children

The History Of A Girl’s Life

May 20, 2022 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

Today was the last day of school for a high school senior who calls me father. Ok, that is not the term she uses for me but it is accurate because I am her father.

I started blogging while she was what some would call In Utero and given it won’t be long before her 18th birthday rolls around it occurs to me I really have been doing this for a while.

In many ways this blog in all its aspects (blogger and self-hosted) is the history of a girl’s life. It is not what you would call chapter and verse but it is not supposed to be.

Many of the best and or most interesting stories have been left out because she deserves to build her own digital footprint and because I don’t have ownership of it all anymore.

There are multiple boundaries that I try to be cognizant of because in the world she is growing up in it is not uncommon for people to search for information about others. Some of her friends have found bits and pieces of things and we have had discussions about that.

It is strange sometimes to realize how much of a life she has that I am barely aware of. Makes sense because it was the same when I was her age, but still surreal in a way.


Conversations

The time of her living at home on a full time basis is coming to an end and so I find myself trying to engage in more conversations about multiple topics.

We talked often before this time arrived, but something about it has pushed me to try to cram more in.

Pushed me to reiterate lessons I hope she has learned and information that may not have sunk in because she was younger when she first got it.

I recognize in many ways she is who she is and that if her character isn’t of a certain nature already it is too late.

The good news is I am pleased and proud with and of who she is but it doesn’t mean there is no interest in a gentle push here and there

I shared the Ben Franklin quote above with her and she asked what point I was trying to make.

“Lots of people will try to motivate you to do different things with quotes from famous people. Lots of them won’t ever have given any thought to what the quote means or what context it was originally given in.

Never stop thinking and don’t let people tell you that rights that have been held by all Americans for decades ought to be adjusted just because a minority dislikes them. What we give away cannot aways be taken back with any sort of ease on both large and small scale.”

****

She sat with it for a while and then I told her she could take it solely on a political level or she could see an application on a personal level too.

There might be better quotes and or better ways to drive home the points I want her to take but there isn’t time to get too deep into searching for them and that is ok.

It is surreal to think she is almost on her way out of here, the baby isn’t a baby anymore.

Yesterday she was in preschool and I was so much younger myself. Today we are both far older and tomorrow, well we’ll leave tomorrow where it is as it will come soon enough.

Filed Under: Blogging, Children, Life

The Greatest Dad Blogger You Never Read

March 5, 2022 by Jack Steiner 2 Comments

A colleague started a blog last month but I didn’t read any of their posts nor comment on what they were doing.

My time is more limited than it has been and my interest level was low. Blame that upon their poor email writing skills.

They lack structure, contain grammatical errors and serve as a tool for curing insomnia so I had limited reason to believe a blog would be an improvement.

Fate smiles upon the judgmental so I was paired with them for an assignment and they asked me if they remembered hearing that I had worked in marketing.

“Yes, I have some experience there.”

“I recently started writing one of those blogs people do.  I want to use it to make money. I am going to make some Tik-Tok videos and do some other stuff that I’ll place there. But I need to get people to read it. Could you look at it and tell me what you think. I need to know how to promote it.”

I told him to remember some people are internet famous and that doesn’t translate into income.

“Hell you could be talking to the greatest dad blogger you never read.”

“What is a dad blogger?”

I reframed and refocused the conversation about the task that pays the bills and let the opportunity to market myself go.


Anonymity

I am semi-anonymous online and that is mostly by choice. Some of you know my name and some have broken bread in-person multiple times.

Most of that is by choice, but there are a few who found out through other means and though there are good stories tied into that we’ll set them aside for the moment.

There are more than 10,000 posts in this blog on a wide variety of topics and a limited upside to being read for professional colleagues.

Should they be found I am confident and comfortable with having a discussion about them but my preference is to not engage.

We’re living in a time in which people are less tolerant and more sensitive on a wide variety of topics and I am sometimes a blunt instrument in my approach.

Why engage and risk irritation if I don’t have to.

That is tied into why this blog doesn’t have pictures of my family or the names of my children. They are entitled to living their own lives and creating their own digital footprints.

It would have been more profitable for me to take a different approach.

Had I used their names and pictures I could have gotten more brand ambassadorships, more sponsorships and more opportunities to become a bigger brand.

That is not how I roll and I know too many stories about other bloggers whose children are irritated about the stories.

It is also why I slowed down on some of the stories as they aged.

My oldest was 3 when I started this and they’ll be 22 this year. If people search for them online they will not find stories they can identify as belonging to him and I am good with that.

My baby will be going to college in the fall. She has no reason to worry about admissions officers turning her down or commenting on anything written about her.

She hasn’t done anything that would serve as grounds for not being accepted but you never know what or how people will interpret things.

Bottom line is my job isn’t to just teach them how to grow up and be good people, it is to protect them however I can…forever.

Most of that has gone through the natural evolution that comes with their not being little children anymore.

They don’t live a life in which they are enveloped in bubble wrap or prevented from taking risk.

Sometimes that is hard because I have seen them make choices I think are questionable, but I let it go because that is how you learn.

They have done a stellar job overall. But you never stop worrying completely and that is ok, it comes with the job description.

Filed Under: Blogging, Children, Life

What’s A Little Chaos On A Saturday Morning

January 17, 2022 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

Eventually the Shmata Queen will get back around to read this and I can tell her the 198 texts she sent me while writing this are why it is relatively short.

Not really complaining because the conversation and information is important.

We’re exchanging thoughts, ideas and information about the hostage crisis here which we both experienced though in slightly different ways.

Neither of us were physically there but we were on the livestream and had it not been for Covid there is no guarantee that we could have been or not been there when the terrorist showed up.

It is disconcerting and infuriating that this happened yet again and that we expect there to be another incident.

Certainly we hope that is not the case, but prudence and experience dictates that preparations need to be made for ourselves and the institutions we support, believe in and attend.

Put Anger Aside

I told the kids to remember in a crisis situation we need to put anger aside and be smart. We need to do our best to be logical, rational and deliberate in our actions.

Let emotion drive you during such things and bad stuff can happen. I also told them not to expect to be automatons or that I expect them to be such.

Irks me to no end, but I operate in reality as the world is and push to build the world we want to live in while recognizing the one we are actually in.

Be angry after. Use it to motivate you to take necessary actions, but prepare and try eliminate, reduce and avoid the problems up front as best you can.

It is a sad statement, but important.

Filed Under: Children, Life, Terrorism

It Don’t Come Easy

November 13, 2021 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

It is never easy watching your kids go through challenging times where you know they have to figure it out themselves.

You can offer support, guidance and someone to speak with but you can’t take on the monsters for them or they’ll never figure out how to slay dragons on their own.

Got one of those situations going on now, but I hadn’t realized how far it had advanced until we had a certain conversation today.

Made for some heartache and pain but also some pride in seeing how much they have grown and how mature their response is.

Afterwards, I was asked what I want to do and I said I could go kick the asses of those responsible for this and I could.

But that would require ignoring my own advice and gut. Can’t slay the dragon for them.

So now I have to sit, watch and wait.

Dammit.

Filed Under: Children

A Conversation With The Shmata Queen

September 16, 2021 by Jack Steiner 1 Comment

Oh Shmata Queen, the stories you and I could tell and still do.

Been thinking about the decades and what goes into it all and what doesn’t. Had more than a few people ask for clarification and more than once refused to say much of anything.

Cue music:

What Life Will We Lead

Multiple conversations with teenagers about their futures and their dreams remind me a bit about those we used to have.

Also gets me thinking about when we refocus on ourselves and what comes next. The kids still require our guidance and help, but not like they used to.

Not even close.

That is ok. If we did a good job we have made them pretty damn self-sufficient and they don’t need us like they used to.

It is bittersweet isn’t it, this sense of wanting to be needed but not wanting it. This feeling that we have to keep pushing and yet don’t want to.

And then this question about what do with ourselves and the additional time we can see coming is hard and yet exciting in its own way, now isn’t it.

Filed Under: Children

Into The Depths Of Hell

January 4, 2020 by Jack Steiner 2 Comments

The boy shares a story with me and then wanders back into his cave.

It is dark inside and there are no torches nor candles that can be used to light a path but I press on, calling out to him.

He doesn’t answer so I start talking and tell him I know he is listening.

The darkness is blacker than night and I am consistently shocked by how it seems to eat stars and anything that might shine.

“I will go into the depths of hell and I will find you.”

“Stay out, you can’t do anything.”

He is right about some of it, I can’t do nearly enough but he forgets who he is talking to.

Once upon a time I was his hero but that is not why I am doing this. It is only significant to me because if I can get him to remember that time and believe I can pull him back out.

Or so I have convinced myself though I really don’t know if it is true. But I don’t know how to do anything other than try and so I push ahead.

Into the depths of hell, hoping I figure it out as I go.

Filed Under: Children

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