The problem with posting that song before I start writing is that some of you will get lost in Johnny’s song and not pay attention to the very important things I have to say here. There will be two parts to this post, the first begins below.
This post is a mix of the profane and the mundane. A stew of the serious and the silly. A dance with shadows and ghosts and a glimpse of a future that hasn’t been written yet.
You see I got stabbed today in a way that hurt me…profoundly and yet didn’t hurt at all. Can’t decide if that was because I knew what was coming or if I was just numb. I can tell you that I wanted to respond in a very graphic way.
I am going to share what my thought was. I am going to write something here but you need to understand that this was not something I ever had any intention of doing. You have to understand that I am adamantly opposed to this.
But the reason I am sharing this is because the rules of the blog demand that posts like this are written with brutal honesty. So here is what I thought.
When this person said what they said I had this image of blowing my head off in front of them. Why?
Because I was so angry I wanted them to be haunted by my response. I wanted them to have to live with that.
Read This Next Part Carefully
I am not suicidal. I have never been suicidal. I am not interested in dying before I turn 130. I take all this very seriously and I do not see it as a game. If you know me in real life than you know that by nature I would see suicide as giving up and that I would see that as letting the person I am angry with win and that will never happen.
I am a freaking Taurus- we don’t ever give up like that.
More importantly I am a father and I won’t ever leave my children like that.
But I am a writer and we think in very graphic terms. I feel like my writing is about to take off and I am really pushing hard to get over the plateau.
The Cost Of Blogging
There might be a significant cost to blogging about this. There might be fallout and feedback. Some people might be angry about this. Some people might be worried. I am willing to live with it.
That is something that bloggers need to think about. They need to consider what could happen because of their words. They need to remember that once something is posted we lose control of it. Sure, we may think we retain some. We can delete and or edit, but that doesn’t mean that our post hasn’t been read, copied and or sent in million different directions.
It is part of why I think about the boundaries of blogging. It is part of why I think about what stories are mine to tell and to share.
Think Before You Speak
Silence is one of the most powerful tools we have access to. If you use it properly silence can provide an enormous amount of pressure. I told you what I thought about when I had my encounter today but I didn’t tell you what I did.
I said about six or seven words. I made a point not to swear or yell. They told me that they were very sorry and asked if I was upset. I shrugged my shoulders, smiled and then walked out.
That was all intentional.
The silence gave me a moment to think about what I was doing and to not do something stupid. I did the best that I could under the circumstances. I walked out not having lost my temper or said anything that would bite me in the ass later on.
That is assuming that they don’t read this. Of course if they do read this post it will be because I have become exceptionally famous and journalists from around the world have taken to trying to locate all of my writing.
Damn, I don’t know that I want to be that famous. Would be nice to make enough to be comfortable but I never want to be so famous I can’t go to the store or visit a restaurant.
And now Willie Nelson performing Rainbow Connection