When I am at my best I dance without worrying about what I look like and write without concern for what I read or sound like. I know that I do things differently from most people. I know that I have spent most of my life standing on the outside looking in.
Guess what? So have most of you.
It took me a while to catch on and realize that the cool kids didn’t know a damn thing more about life and living than I did or do. I am proud to say that I never spent much time trying to be like them. Some of that was because I didn’t care and some because I couldn’t.
We didn’t have the money for me to wear the same clothes or go on the same trips so I couldn’t talk about some things without sounding like a silly poseur. Maybe that is when I started to become more cynical and grew a bit harder or maybe it happened after I had my heart broken a few times. Not really sure and I don’t know that it matters.
What matters to me is simple- family and friends.
What matters to me is doing things that feed my heart and fuel my soul. That is where my focus is and what I spend energy on.
I Know Who I Am
I know who I am. I know that there is a fire that burns inside my belly at a temperature that thermometers can’t measure. I know that I used to think of myself as being the easiest going person around and that one day I realized I am not quite who I thought.
I am intense. I come on like a freight train. When I play contact sports some people complain because I hit…hard. It is not because I am trying to prove how masculine or tough I am. It is because I have a body built for demolition and not for grace.
When I am going three quarters to full speed it takes a bit of doing to turn and or stop. Sometimes that means that I bump into people. When you outweigh someone by 80 pounds they tend to get the worst of it.
It sucks to get hit by the bigger truck. I know because it has happened to me a lot. When I play ball I usually get stuck guarding the bigger guys on the other side. All we can do is try our best not to hurt and get hurt.
But you can’t play the game without taking a chance. You can’t carry the ball up the middle and expect not to be hit. You can’t live life locked inside a box and expect to get all that you desire.
Take a Chance
I am excited and a bit nervous. I keep hinting at some of the potential changes going on around here. I keep dancing around the topic because until some things are certain I don’t want to speak more about them. Call it superstition.
I call it opportunity. I call it a chance to start a new chapter in my life and an opportunity to begin writing a new story. I call it crazy making because it is so close I can almost touch it and so far away that I can’t quite reach it.
Forgive me for the continued sports analogies, but it reminds me a bit of my last basketball game. I missed the shot I took and grabbed the rebound and missed it again…three more times.
Let me sum it up for you. In less than a minute I missed a shot from corner three point line, got the ball back and missed three under the basket. Got fouled three times and didn’t manage to put it in.
That irks me- but I didn’t quit. I just passed the damn ball and my team scored.
The lesson there is that when the door is locked you don’t have to break your hand or foot trying to break it down. There are alternatives.
Don’t Write For Traffic
I don’t blog for traffic or for accolades. I write because I have to. I write because I want to become a better writer. I blog because it offers a way to improve my writing and because there are business opportunities tied into it.
But mostly I do it because it brings me joy and when I am on my game it makes more than my soul sing. It brings me peace of mind and that is priceless.