I didn’t intend to shareÂ Nobody Beats The DiseaseÂ again but after I finished listening to Whiskey Lullaby iTunes moved straight to Streets of Philadelphia and my heart screamed and my head answered.
You might read the words in the picture and those that began this post and wonder whether old Jack Steiner is feeling melancholy and sad and I would shake my head.
Maybe I would choose to tell you a few stories but there is a better chance I’d share the quote pictured below.
There are boundaries in blogging and though I sometimes use this place to empty the dust contained in the mental closets of my mind it doesn’t mean I’ll share all that lies inside.
I’d call that a good thing and say it is important to retain a piece of ourselves and share it only with those who truly need to know.
And as much as I might want to use some of the darkness or joy I carry to suck you in further and encourage you to become a devoted reader I don’t think it would serve me well.
Make no mistake I am a man who wants more readers and wants this place to be the miracle that moves my world from the mundane to the magical because that would make one hell of a story.
But then again the larger part of me says it is better to do this as I do most things, my way. Sometimes it is smarter and easier and sometimes it is six times harder but it is mine.
So flog the blogger who chooses a different path than those who say they know better. Flog the blogger who looks askance at the Sneetches who race to get their gold stars because they fear to be left out of the race.
Flog the blogger who tells others he disagrees and isn’t popular enough to gain the support of those who could rally to his side to support him.
Don’t mistake that for being bitter because it is not. It is just me writing and sharing a few thoughts.
Some will love me, some will hate me but most won’t have an opinion one way or another.
Been sailing through stormy weather for so long now I am not always good at recognizing the calm. Sometimes it takes me a few minutes longer to realize I can take a deep breath and relax.
I work on it daily and have gotten pretty good at being present in the moment in ways I never used to be able to do so.
Found out today that I have health insurance again and smiled so damn broadly my face hurt. I had never intended to be without it but circumstances led to hard choices so I went without for a while so that my kids would not.
Almost hesitated to include that here because it embarrassed me but decided to put it in because one day when the kids read these words now this will help then understand the hows and whys of this particular moment in time.
And if it goes as it should they’ll know part of the reason for the smile is dad recognized it was time to be present because the change marked the start of the change.
One moment in time in which you could almost see the air shimmer and gold dust fall from the ceiling for reasons I don’t understand and label as just because.
Bruce is singing Tougher Than The Rest now and I am smiling because I identify with the song and love the album. Smiling because part of me feels a little more vulnerable and that is always a sign that I am putting more of myself into these words.
Smiling because part of me feels a little more vulnerable and that is always a sign that I am putting more of myself into these words.
Don’t know if the finished version of this post will make me smile or cringe but part of what I like about it is it feels like there are some layers here and that is always a goal.
It is part of why I like to include pictures, music and quotes because in a perfect world these posts are an experience.
Bruce is singing Walk Like A Man now and I am staring forward and backwards.
I can feel the presence of my father and grandfathers standing next to and behind me. Dad is still around so it is easy to see him there but it is also effortless to feel both grandfathers there too.
If I turn my head I know I’ll see them smile and fade back into the ether so I won’t turn and force them to leave.
My children are down the hall, fast asleep and unaware of how much goes on inside my head at this time of night.
They don’t see me wander under moonlit skies or hear me thinking about the best way to handle certain situations. They don’t hear the racket and rumble of me trying to manage it all and that is ok, they don’t need to.
Tomorrow they’ll ask again if I am really reading two books at a time and roll their eyes when I point out the stack of magazines and suggest if they don’t want to be lazy they try emulating dear old dad.
The Â Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride pace of the recent past should be changing soon and things will take on a different sort ofÂ pace.
Heart and head are working together now. Gut feelings, intuition and eyewitness operation all in sync.
Time marches on and I march with it.
The future calls and I am off to answer.