It Is A Contradiction
I have very few regrets but those that I carry around are massive and I haven’t found a way to reconcile them…yet.
It is an interesting moment in time for me. Something big was about to happen. I had thought that I was on the verge of making a very large and very exciting change in my life, but at the last moment it fell apart.
There is a certain amount of relief intermixed with disappointment, frustration and confusion about this. This change of events surprised me and though I don’t list it as one of my big regrets I think it is part of the reason I am up at 1:3o and not sleeping.
Call it concern. Call it worry. Call it confidence.
Yes, it is a contradiction.
It is kind of funny to me to think about life and to say that I have become a bit of an agnostic about believing in intuition and things being meant to be. I always said that I made my decisions based upon logic but when I thought about it there was an awful lot that came to be because I based it upon my gut.
So maybe I have always been this guy who believed in intuition but was afraid to verbalize it
What I Know
What I know is that even though I am concerned and nervous about where things are at I also feel good. That is because I am doing the right things to make changes.I am not sitting on my ass just letting life pass me by. I am taking an active stance and working on things.
Some of my friends have said that I should take a deep breath and relax because good things are coming. I appreciate and understand where they are coming from but it is not easy to just accept that as advice. It is hard to just believe the universe will send me something because I ask.
So I balance it out by doing my best to have a good attitude and to work towards what I want.
There have been some moments here where I have been guilty of bad blogging and bad writing. I won’t always point it out but I usually run the bad stuff as well as the good. That is because the only way to improve is to practice. When I look at the “bad material” it makes it easier for me to figure out what stinks and how I can/should improve it.
One of the goals is to become a better writer so it makes sense to me to follow this path.
Anyway, there is much more to say about this but it is far too late. Just in case I go into hibernation here are some links to try: