Monday morning was an unwelcome and unwanted sight to to me today and so I pulled out the screenshot of a tweet from not that long ago.
It was tongue-in-cheek but today it feels far more serious than it did when I first wrote it, or so I think. Memory isn’t always as accurate as we might need, want or wish so perhaps things are better now than they were then.
Haven’t had any coffee yet and have the kind of stomach ache that makes me want to smash a hammer against my toe.
It is all tied into waiting to hear from someone.
Patience is What Is Needed
Patience is what is needed now but we are in short supply of it. Some of that can be attributed to limited sleep and the frustration of not being able to do more than wait.
If my children faced this moment I would tell them to stay busy and try not to think about things because there comes a moment where you have done all you can do and you have to let the game come to you.
But I am not talking about my children so I am the one who knows precisely what to do and is keenly aware that I am not doing it. I am not a control freak and most of the time I do pretty well about taking things as they come but today it is not happening.
Have to stop staring at my inbox willing the email to come because that doesn’t work any better than grabbing my phone and trying to use the force to make it ring.
Exercise Is Part of The Cure
Exercise is part of the cure for this silly condition and I am desperately hoping to play ball tonight. The battle on the boards always makes me feel better, but I can’t sit still until then so I am going to hit the treadmill and weights for a bit.
Speaking of such things I took a hard look in the mirror today and was disappointed because I am not where I want to be.
Been trying to decide if the mental image I see in my mind is a realistic goal or just a pipe dream.
It is not because I can’t look that way again but because I haven’t made the commitment to do so.
The image I see is twenty-years old and enormous changes have taken place since then.
Excuses and Reasons
There is a voice inside my head that tells me to figure out what is a reason and what is an excuse because they both have to be managed.
Twenty years ago I was single and had no responsibility to anyone other than myself. Twenty years ago I could spend two hours at the gym and do it five days a week without concern about consequences.
I can’t see a way to do that daily now. Work and family responsibilities take precedence but that doesn’t mean that I can’t do better than I have done.
My biggest and most vocal critic is me so that question is what can I do to make that critic shut up.
And that is part of why I am thinking about excuses and reasons. It is why I am thinking about what I want for myself and what I am willing to commit to so that the things I want don’t remain sitting out there is in ether unreached and unavailable.
Ring Phone, Ring
Still staring at the phone, trying to will it into ringing. Still refreshing my inbox in search of the news I am waiting for .
Silence and and empty inbox are all that I have right now so it is time to push myself away from the keyboard and build some sweat equity. I have done all that I can do and have done best I could.
Only time will tell if it is enough or not.