Of Fear & Failure

Resistance
Bono and the boys are singing Walk On and I am sitting here at the computer staring at the screen thinking about whether I feel like writing or not.

I  never suffer from Writer’s Block or run out of ideas for things to write about.

It is easy to come up with content but the energy required to maintain multiple blogs, being a dad and life in general sometimes requires me to push away from my desk.

Age is assuredly a state of mind but Father Time won’t let me ignore that I am closer to fifty than 30 and this body won’t give me everything it once did.

It is a hard lesson to learn and one I fear to accept because I am scared of slowing down and not because whatever is chasing me might catch up.

Because I am not ready to accept that I can’t run with the boys on the court the way I once did or that my son can now out run me.

He can’t beat me in a sprint yet, but the day is coming. I celebrate and dread it.

Of Fear & Failure

I am back in the in-between space again but unlike past times I have a clear idea about how I want it all to work out. The question isn’t if but when and how.

That Beckett quote works so very well for me because it is so easy for me to identify with it.

I have failed and fallen down more than once but every time I have bounced back up, sometimes I got back up so quickly if you looked away you wouldn’t know I had fallen.

But it is harder to pick myself up from some of these more recent falls than it used to be. I blame that on age and a body that no longer appreciates being thrown over chairs, through people and into walls.

Diving for the ball is still appreciated by the team. It is still part of my game because all I know how to do is hustle but there comes a time when you leave where you were and what you did for new things and places.

That is what I am working on now, moving from where I was into the future that works best for me.

Still if I said there was no fear of failure I would be lying and the rules of the blog would be shattered.

But when I acknowledge my fear I usually find it makes it more manageable.

Teaching Moments

Sometimes I take these moments and try to turn them into a teaching moment.

It is funny because sometimes the kids tell me they think I am not afraid of anything and I smile, because I am human. I have things that frighten me but the trick is to manage your fear and not let it manage you.

So I’ll tell them about something that scares me a bit and explain how I plan on handling it.

You can’t be brave without fear and you can’t succeed unless you can fail.

I have very few regrets but those that I do have seem to be tied into moments where I let fear win.

That sucks.

Just thinking about it hurts my head, heart and soul because it is not who I want to be or who I am. But I refuse to let those things define me so I focus on failing better and or not failing at all.

I know where I am heading, just a question of how long it takes to get there.

The Lonely Blogger

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14 Comments

  1. Adrienne January 19, 2015 at 12:44 pm

    Hey Jack,

    I envy the person who can sit down and the words just start flowing every single darn time. For the most part I do pretty good but not always. Ideas don’t come as often and I struggle to make my content appealing. If I were just writing for the fun of it then I wouldn’t have as much of an issue but then again my life isn’t too exciting either. LOL!!! You never seem to be at a loss for words though.

    Hope your week started off great and enjoy.

    ~Adrienne

    • The JackB January 19, 2015 at 10:15 pm

      @disqus_oYX9SLCVrj:disqus I just write and see what comes out of my mouth, er pen. I rarely know what my topic will be until I start and it is only then that I know.
      But much of this comes from practice too. I have trained myself to just write.

  2. Muba Mi January 16, 2015 at 8:20 am

    You are lucky to have plenty of ideas and never felt writer’s block. Otherwise those connected with online world someday must face this problem. The power of your thoughts do tell you don’t have any kind of shortage of ideas and also your command to express your thoughts in accurage way is commendable. First time I visited your blog and much impressed to see the quality of its contents.
    I think those who keep working never grow old and on passing each day they grow younger. Age does not relate to strength of body, its all about the power of mind.
    Thanks a lot for sharing such a wonderful post.

    • The JackB January 19, 2015 at 10:09 pm

      @Mubami:disqus I think many writers create their own issues because they over think things and don’t put pen to paper. Sometimes you need to just start writing and see what happens.

  3. Gary Mathews January 15, 2015 at 11:28 am

    I think I may just bookmark this post to read anytime I’m stuck trying to slap two words together when I’m writing something.

  4. Larry January 14, 2015 at 8:31 pm

    I love that song and album. We have more confidence because we’ve walked the road before but that knowledge also tells us how challenging it can be.

  5. Christine Organ January 14, 2015 at 5:58 pm

    I sure wish I didn’t suffer from writers block. I’ve got a lot of half-baked ideas floating around but unsure of how to get them down.

    • The JackB January 14, 2015 at 11:58 pm

      @christierandomreflectionz:disqus Unsolicited advice for you, just write. Make a habit of writing every day, even if it is just for yourself and in time it will get easier to write whenever you want. It will become a habit.

  6. Janine Huldie January 14, 2015 at 5:27 pm

    I think we totally all have those fears and it is just what we make of them by not letting them take over and control our next moves in life.

  7. Jill Ginsberg at the Jillist January 14, 2015 at 3:28 pm

    Well I am totally curious to hear more about where you’re heading now!! You’ve got me totally intrigued.

    • The JackB January 14, 2015 at 11:55 pm

      @jillginsberg:disqus Call me superstitious but part of me feels like saying it out loud might make it disappear. It is like holding water in the palm of your hand, squeeze too hard and…

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