A seven year old boy in Broomfield, Colorado was at
the center of a courtroom drama this morning when he
challenged a court ruling over
who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten
by his parents and the judge
awarded custody to his aunt.
The boy confirmed that his aunt
beat him more than his parents and
refused to live there.
When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents
the boy cried out that they beat him more than anyone. The judge
dramatically allowed the boy to choose who should have custody of him.
Custody was granted to the Denver Broncos this morning
as the boy firmly believes that they are not capable of beating anyone.
Archives for January 2005
Sex Map Shows Chain of Almost 300 High School Lovers
“WASHINGTON (Reuters) – The first “map” of teen sexual behavior gives new meaning to the old warning that you don’t just have sex with a person, but with everyone that person ever had sex with, researchers said on Monday.
They found a chain of 288 one-to-one sexual relationships at a high school in the U.S. Midwest, meaning the teenager at the end of the chain may have had direct sexual contact with only one person, but indirect contact with 286 others.”
Well, this gives some hope for landing the really hot girl that refused to speak with you. Ok, bad joke, this is pretty interesting.
Awards Talk
Dear Jack,
I read with great pleasure about your nomination for those awards and wanted to know your thoughts about them. I see that you are competing against Miriam and Paul, DovBear, Chayyei Sarah, Yourish and some others. How do you think they’ll do against your blog and how do you intend to compete?
Sincerely,
Moishe P.
Dear Moishe,
You placed me in an awkward situation as you only listed some of my competition. In the interest of fairness I could and should list all of the others, but I am far too lazy to do so. So here are my thoughts regarding them.
DovBear: Feed him a couple of Scooby Snacks and he’ll disappear for a while. Better yet, let him know about some angry Jewish Red staters who are holding a protest against something. He’ll be tied up with that for a while.
Bloghead: Give Paul and Miriam a tip on some esoteric piece of Judaic news and they’ll disappear for a while as well only to reappear with a very interesting, well written piece that is both intriguing and surprising.
ChayyeiSarah- Take her azimonim, telephone cards and cut off the electricity to her apartment. Then slip an invitation under her door for a special Israeli blogger dinner in a little cafe in Afula. Be sure to do the same for Captain Bogner and Allison. Might as well try and lock up all the competition.
Yourish: What do Jews from New Jersey know from blogging.
Ok, none of this makes sense, is remotely interesting or funny, but one of these other blogs just might be. Go check out the awards and read some of the other blogs. Most of them are populated by people much nicer than I am.
Dear Jack,
I am not Jewish and I have never been to Israel. Would you like me to vote for you?
Thanks,
Tom
Dear Tom,
If you are looking for ways to help me you could come and do the dishes. I hate doing dishes. If I had my way I’d eat off of edible plates every day. Or if you don’t like doing the dishes you can paint my house, it needs some work.
Alternatively, you can simply keep reading the blog to see what else might come out of my mouth. I never know until it is written down before me.
-Jack
Why Didn’t I think of That
As I cruised down the hallway to my second office (thank you dsyfunctional digestive system) I mulled how to handle Mr. Stinky as the gentleman is now being called. Not that I anticipated seeing him, but I figured that if I did I might want to ask him to do something about his diet.
Now some of you might say that saying something to him is cruel, but my intent is not to offend him, but to help him and in doing so help the hundred other men who have to share that restroom. I am not exaggerating when I say that I think that he could be used as a WMD by himself.
But that is not the point of this little reverie. The real point is that today I must have heard at least seventeen people say “Why didn’t I think of that.” Each time it was in reference to some idea that has been turned into a money-making venture. The common thread here is that the people looked at the product and all felt that it was a simple idea that they should have taken on themselves to develop.
Well call me the party pooper, or call me worse, I don’t care, but stop saying that. You could have or might have thought about the idea but you didn’t do it. Maybe you always wanted to create a “Tickle Me Elmo” doll but were afraid that people would call you a pedophile. You didn’t do it, you don’t get any credit and you don’t deserve any money.
No risk, no reward. It is a simple concept. Learn it, love it, live it.
The Music Played While You are On "Hold"
I don’t know if this has happened to you, but it is something that I have encountered numerous times that goes something like this. I telephone someone at a business and am put on “hold” where I am entertained with music. Sometimes the music is lousy, some stupid, overplayed song like “Mandy” or something similar.
But often there is a song that I really like and I am just starting to get into it when I am rudely taken off of “hold” and forced to speak with someone. Don’t they know that I am busy listening to something much more interesting. What is wrong with these people. Harrumph.
Safire- Not Retiring Just Trying Something New
My favorite part of the column:
“Starting next week, working in an operating and grant-making foundation, I will have to retrain parts of my brain. That may not make me a big man on hippocampus, but it means less of the horizon-gazing that required me to take positions on everything going on in the world; instead, a welcome verticalism will drive me to dig more deeply into specific areas of interest. Fewer lone-wolf assertions; more collegial dealing. I hear that’s tough.
But retraining and fresh stimulation are what all of us should require in “the last of life, for which the first was made.” Athletes and dancers deal with the need to retrain in their 30’s, workers in their 40’s, managers in their 50’s, politicians in their 60’s, academics and media biggies in their 70’s. The trick is to start early in our careers the stress-relieving avocation that we will need later as a mind-exercising final vocation. We can quit a job, but we quit fresh involvement at our mental peril.
In this inaugural winter of 2005, the government in Washington is dividing with partisan zeal over the need or the way to protect today’s 20-somethings’ Social Security accounts in 2040. Sooner or later, we’ll bite that bullet; personal economic security is freedom from fear.
But how many of us are planning now for our social activity accounts? Intellectual renewal is not a vast new government program, and to secure continuing social interaction deepens no deficit. By laying the basis for future activities in the midst of current careers, we reject stultifying retirement and seize the opportunity for an exhilarating second wind.
Medical and genetic science will surely stretch our life spans. Neuroscience will just as certainly make possible the mental agility of the aging. Nobody should fail to capitalize on the physical and mental gifts to come.
When you’re through changing, learning, working to stay involved – only then are you through. “Never retire.”