The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for June 2005

From The Mailbag

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Dear Jack,
You have slowed down in your blogging and your posts are getting dull.
Thanks,

Tim


Dear Tim,

Are you saying thank you to be polite or because you are happy that I have slowed down in my blogging. In truth I have slowed down, but I still pump out consistent and regular content. If you don’t like it, than don’t read it. Or be like the next guy.

Dear Jack,
You Zionists are all alike. You are wrong politically, liars and emotionally bankrupt.
Long live Arafat.


Dear “Yasser,”

Unlike Mark Twain rumors of your death have not been exaggerated.

Dear Jack,
What do you think of civilization?
Best,
Max

Dear Max,

I think that it is a good idea. Ok, I faked that one but even though it is an old joke I still like it and I wanted to have at least four letters to share.

Jack,

I have been reading your blog for some time now. Keep up the good work.

Be well,

Doug

P.S. Go Pistons

Dear Doug,

Somehow I think that your name is not really Doug and that you think you are getting me with the Pistons comment, but in reality you just give me another reason to remind you all that the Pistons proved that they were nothing but a flash in the pan. They are a good team, not great an not worthy of more words than this.

At least the Celtics offered a real rivalry.

One of My Favorite "Random Comments" From Around the Web

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I am going to pick on Psycho Toddler for a moment. I enjoy reading his blog for all sorts of reasons. One of the things I like about it is that there are these comments that I envision being made in sort of dry, deadpan fashion. I like droll humor and this seems to hit the mark sometimes.

In this post here he delivers one of my favorites:

“After that we had a conversation where I couldn’t remember which one of my kids I delivered. My wife said Daughter2, but I thought it was Son3.”

Now I should add two things first that he is a doctor and secondly I think that he is a genuinely good guy so when I say that I am picking on him I am not picking on him.

But I do find it kind of funny that he doesn’t remember which child he delivered, but at the same time there is something kind of cool about that. I can’t put my finger on the word that I want to use to describe it.

If The House is a Rocking…

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Well it is another Tuesday night here in the shack. I just finished paying bills and I am feeling irritable. It is not surprising, nor shocking to feel this way, but a little tedious. Allow me to vent, to spew out the negative energy and recharge my batteries.

Today marked the second trip the plumber has made to my house in the last week. We have a very large tree in front of my home, it is beautiful, but it is killing my pipes and starting to impact my pocketbook.

Sooner or later there is going to be a showdown between the tree and I. If I allow the tree to stay I can figure that in the not so distant future I am going to be tearing up my driveway and rerouting the pipe from the curb to the house. Depending on the plumber it will cost anywhere between $1800 to $3,000 to do the work. Now I realize that this is a big range, but it is impacted in part by whether I hire someone who is licensed to do the work.

There is no question about this, I want the license because I need to have some kind of recourse if he screws it up because I could literally be up the creek without a paddle.

When the driveway is torn up is also the perfect time to have my cracked asphalt replaced with concrete or some other substitute. So we can figure that the tree is going to cost me around $5k, not to mention that if I leave it standing the birds that live there can still use my car for target practice.

Ok, the reality is that I am not going to kill the tree, but I am going to kick it and swear at it. I am going to threaten the tree and ask it in a very stern tone to leaf me alone, but I am less than optimistic about it.

My sprinklers need to fixed too, in both the front and the backyard because they are just barely functioning. I can do the work and save a lot of money, but I don’t expect to. I won’t do it because I can hire someone who can do it faster and better than I can.

I am not real happy about this, but it is my home and I don’t won’t to get cheap about things like that. I am willing to pay for quality. Some people don’t think about this in realistic terms, but I try to.

In a past life I used to sell diamond blades that were used for cutting concrete. Certain blades cost about ten times as much as the cheaper abrasive model, but they also used to last substantially longer. I used to have these silly conversations with people about how much the diamond blades cost in which I would chart out the additional cost of the diamond blade versus the abrasive and the cost of the time it took to replace a spent abrasive blade.

It was trues that they were cheaper, but they wore out faster and consequently you had to replace them more frequently. And that cost all sorts of money.

If you were the person paying the cutter you wanted them to work nonstop or as close to it as possible. But every time they had to stop to change the blade you lost the time it took to change the blade and took the chance that they might decide to use that time to take a break. So in the end the savings didn’t always add up and sometimes by spending more you could actually end up ahead of the game.

So I am going to pay someone to fix the sprinklers, reroute the line and do a couple of other things. I keep fixing my back gate, but my repairs are like band-aids that get wet. They stick briefly but never quite last. Add that gate to the list of things that need to be done.

There is some painting of the trim and the need to replace a door and about 16 other things. I am far more critical of the house and chances are that you wouldn’t agree with most of what I see, but I live here and I see it.

I am proud of this house. We got it without any assistance from anyone, that includes the downpayment. And for the most part I have kept us afloat here for four years, been running the whole show on my own for almost 5 now. Ok, it is only 4.5, but I am proud of it because not everyone can do it.

But sometimes when I look in the mirror I see how it has aged me. Sometimes in the still of the night I sit up in bed and consider all that I have to care for in my kingdom and I wonder if my shoulders are broad enough.

My life is much easier than others and harder than some. I am a survivor and always will be, but like Tevye said I wonder if it would be so hard to give me more than a couple of kopeks to play with.

Hitler’s Plan To Use Sex Dolls

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Ok, I am a day behind in reporting this but I had to jump in on it. An Italian Newspaper called Corriere della Sera covers the story here.

I had Google translate the Page, it is a little rough, but I’ll provide another source for your review as well.

Hitler: one inflatable doll for the soldiers

 
The German soldiers could therefore satisfy their needs sexual, avoiding veneree diseases and preservando the purity of the race. 

ROME РAdolf Hitler commissioned in 1941 to the Danish doctor Olen first Hannussen giocattolo the erotico one of the world: one inflatable doll. Of aspect rigorously Ariane, the doll had to serve affinch̬ the German soldiers could satisfy their needs sexual, avoiding therefore the veneree diseases and preservando the purity of the race.
The instructions of the Fuhrer on the physical aspect of the doll – a Norwegian daily paper writes the conservative newspaper Spanish ABC citing – were very precise:
“Of natural largeness, beautiful woman of skin had somigliare one blond white woman, hats, sweet blue eyes, high 1,76, labbra and giant breasts, articulate legs, arms and head and very designed navel”.
In the idea of Hitler, the giocattolo it had to be
included, between other vital objects, in the zaino of every soldier of the Reich. The prototype of the doll, in galvanized plastic, had to be manufactured to Dresda, explains ABC, according to which the Norwegian newspaper documented the assignment with one of sended letters to Hannussen. Direct responsible of the plan was Heinrich Himmler, head of the feared SS.The things however did not go in port. A bomb of allies destroyed the factory to you that had received the assignment to develop the unusual commission and put aim to the plan, saving to the Fuhrer the outlandish merit to become ‘ padre’ of the inflatable doll”

27 june 2005

And now here is a link and copy from Ynet in English that is a little easier on the eyes.

“Hitler: Father of sex doll?

Italian newspaper ‘Corriere della Sera’ says Nazi dictator ordered production of inflatable sex dolls for S.S. soldiers; doll would be blonde, blue-eyed with large lips and breasts
By Nir Magal

The Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler ordered, in 1941, a Danish doctor named Olen Hannussen, to develop the world’s first inflatable sex doll, the Italian newspaper “Corriere della Sera’ reported on Monday.

The doll was went meant to serve the sexual needs of the German fighting man, who might otherwise go to brothels and contract a sexual
transmitted disease – or worse, have sex with non-Aryan women and thus pollute the race.

The story of the sex doll first appeared in a Norwegian newspaper, which said that Hitler himself provided the measurements and design for the doll: “She should be a natural size with a pretty woman’s appearance with white skin, blonde hair, blue eyes, 1.76 meters (5 feet, nine inches) high, with large lips and breasts.”

According to the project, which was classified as “top secret,” soldiers would inflate up the doll when feeling the urge, and it would meet their sexual needs.

The officer directly responsible for the sex doll project was S.S. commander Heinrich Himmler.

Perfecting the plastic woman

According to another report, Dr. Rudolf Chargeheimer, a psychiatrist appointed by Himmler to help develop the prototype, wrote that “the purpose and goal of the dolls is to relieve our soldiers. They have to fight and not to mingle with ‘foreign women.'”

“However,” wrote Chargeheimer, “no real men will prefer a doll to a real woman until our technicians meet the following quality standards: The synthetic flesh has to feel the same like real flesh. The doll’s body should be as agile and moveable as the real body. The doll’s organ should feel absolutely realistic.”

The plan was never put into action because the factory that was supposed to manufacture the sex doll was in the city of Dresden, which was bombed by the Allies. And so Hitler never got to see his inflatable girls put to use.”

I should add that others in the blogosphere such as David and Israellycool wrote about this first.

Saudi Arabia issues new list of wanted militants

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“RIYADH (Reuters) – Saudi Arabia issued a new list on Tuesday of 36 suspects believed to be linked to attacks in the world’s biggest oil exporter, showing its battle with militants is far from over.

In the latest response to a two-year campaign of bombings and killings by supporters of Osama Bin Laden’s al Qaeda group, state television broadcast pictures of the suspects and offered hefty rewards for their capture.

“Security authorities managed to uncover plans by the deviant group who used themselves as a tool to distort Islam and harm the security of the country,” the Interior Ministry said.

The announcement came just days after a report that one of the last remaining militants on an earlier Saudi “most wanted” list had been killed in Iraq.”

Call me a skeptic but I don’t place a lot of credibility into the Saudis and I question their intentions. They have created an environment there in which it is easy for AQ to recruit new members. It is going to take more than this to convince me that they are actually doing a thing to try and assist the fight against AQ.

“A senior European counter-terrorism official said the publication of the new list pointed to the “striking ability of these groups to renew themselves … There is still a large (militant) potential in Saudi Arabia and neighboring states.”

“The story is not yet over,” the official said.

Officials say at least 90 civilians and more than 40 members of the security forces have been killed by militants and attacks have caused at least 1 billion riyals ($270 million) of damage.

But police have killed more than 100 militants in the same period and there have been no attacks this year comparable to the multiple suicide bombings of residential compounds in 2003 or the targeted killings of Westerners 12 months ago.

BOUNTY

The ministry offered a bounty of up to 7 million Saudi riyals ($1.87 million) for anyone who helps capture a militant or foil an attack.

Most of the wanted men were Saudis but some were from Chad, Yemen, Morocco and Mauritania. Fifteen were believed to be at large inside Saudi Arabia while 21 were outside the kingdom, the statement said.

Saudi analyst Faris bin Houzam said of those outside Saudi Arabia most were likely to be in neighboring Iraq.

“The issue for the government is when those fighters in Iraq return to Saudi Arabia,” he said.

Saudi security consultant Nawaf Obaid said most of the Saudis — who made up 29 of the 36 names on the new list — were “second tier” militants who had worked under more senior operatives, most of whom have been killed or captured.

All but two men on a previous Saudi list of 26 wanted men, published in December 2003, are believed dead or in custody.

The non-Saudis are wanted by Riyadh but “also represent a threat in their native countries” because they had gained access to money, logistics and training while in Saudi Arabia, he said.

Saudi Arabia has been battling militants loyal to bin Laden’s al Qaeda network, who have staged several bloody attacks on foreign residents, government sites and energy-industry installations in the last two years.”

Fine, this is all well and good but I want to see more. I want to read about a change in the propaganda being pushed in state run media and then maybe we can discuss a real change in policy and action.

Batman Begins and Jack Writes

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I find that the best way to begin a sentence to simply begin. Now to some of you that may seem like common sense, but you are not the people sending me notes asking for advice. Tjat should not be seen as an attempt to make disparaging remarks about them, if I wanted to do that I would come right out and lambast them by name.

So to Shaggy Disproportionately large head monster and Woolly Eared Mama I say feh and a pox on you.

I finally saw Batman Begins. Now there was a fine flick. I enjoyed it tremendously, immensely and wholeheartedly. Years ago when people said wholeheartedly I would respond by saying that I thought it was only worth a vena cava or a left ventricle, but people never did find that funny. Well screw them, I have always been my own best audience, not to mention lover, best friend, confidante, critic what have you.

The movie was worth every penny. I paid in copper just because I wanted to see how long it would take to count 800 pennies. The people behind me in line were so impressed that they offered to pay for me. I have rarely seen such generosity.

As I watched the movie I realize that I really have always felt like a man apart, a person with two identities. but I am ok with that.

Another thing about the movie- cool car. I have got to get one of those because man would it solve the problems I have with being stuck in traffic.

Came across a few more blogs who thought that they were cool by listing the types of liberals that exist and why they are a plague. Noticed that there were an equal number of blogs listing similar items about conservatives.

Call me crazy but I think that you are all in dire need of a good blow job, getting laid, three day bender or week in a spa. You pick whichever one of the aforementioned will help to remove your head from you ass and replace it with a unit that doesn’t just talk but acts as well.

If you don’t like the world do something about it besides bug the 17 of us that read your blog.

The BTK man is one scary dude. I don’t know how anyone can recount these stories so dispassionately.

Dennis Rader who pleaded guilty to 10 counts of murder and waived his right to a jury trial, chillingly recounted how he gave one woman a glass of water after she threw up, then strangled her with a rope as her children, locked in a nearby bathroom, screamed.

In another case he hung an 11-year-old girl in the basement of her home and masturbated by her body, after killing her parents and a 9-year-old brother upstairs.”

When he goes to prison I won’t mind if Bubba makes him a playtoy for a while, what a sick, sick man.

I shouldn’t laugh at this story, but it just cracks me up because it reeks of tabloid humor.

Paul Abdul Urges Tougher Nail Salon Standards

“Abdul, who is also a judge on “American Idol,” said a trip in April 2004 to a Studio City nail shop that used unclean manicure equipment became a yearlong ordeal that sent her in and out of the hospital, and made her the butt of late-night talk show jokes.

“What I saw fly out of my thumb was a green and yellow thick substance that smelt foul, and then blood, blood, blood,” Abdul told the California Senate Business and Professions Committee in Sacramento. “Being a professional dancer, I’m no stranger to pain, but this time the pain was so excruciating that even my hair touching my thumb caused me to scream.”

More to say and more to come, but for now I’ll have to sign off to attend to some other duties.