The Greatest Mother’s Day Gift Ever

Field of Sunflowers

Friends I stumbled onto the Greatest Mother’s Day gift ever today. Sadly this information comes far too late for me to order it for the mothers in my life.

squatty

 

Yes it is the Squatty Potty and as you can see I missed the deadline so proper pooping techniques will have to be provided by some other soul.

This might possibly be more exciting than the Mangroomer and maybe even the fine tool highlighted in Improve Your Marriage/Relationship Immediately.

Surely it is as useful as learning how to hard boil eggs.

Granted I am intrigued by bathroom products, because those of us who suffer a little digestive distress from the wrath of Chicken Vindaloo pay attention to these kinds of things.

It is why we brought you news about a bathroom revolution and even a story about taking your toilet to dinner.

The Greatest Mother’s Day Gift Ever?

Friends some of you might think this is a crappy post but I promise you it is the sort of useful crap you can learn from.

What you have here is proof that there is an unlimited pool of business ideas that people are pulling from various places on our bodies and though I may not be taking them ass seriously as I could we don’t know whether they are working or not.

Meaning that without looking into the books we don’t know if these products are thriving or failing. They may sound silly, ridiculous and foolish to some but to others they may be brilliant.

Smart businesses meet the needs of their customers and there may be quite a few in need of these.

When I work with my children on brainstorming I tell them to write down everything and anything they can think of which is no different than what I do professionally.

The main difference between the two is that the kids don’t worry about looking foolish the way adults do. They don’t set the same limitations upon what they share and what they think is possible.

Creativity is Critical

I am a writer and marketer by trade. Some would say that creativity is critical for my work and I would agree but I wouldn’t limit it my work because I see creativity as being critical to people in general. Creativity and imagination are things that help all people personally and professionally.

It is where we find new ways to do things and give ourselves more hope for the future. Is that goofy, screwy and cliche like? Yeah,  it is but there is truth there.

Our ability to try to see beyond our limits, to reach for the impossible and improbable and to vocalize those things is what will distinguish us from others.

Some of those dreams may not be realistic. Some may not be useful, practical, viable or necessary but I would rather seem them shared then swallowed.

Why?

Because I think there is gold in there. Won’t lie and say I don’t hope to be the one to come up with it but wouldn’t hurt for others to figure something out either.

It doesn’t always have to be something revolutionary like a smartphone either. Sometimes all you need is a simple tool that makes simple tasks easier to do for everyone.

What do you think?

A Little Digestive Distress- Chicken Vindaloo

One of my favorites shared yet again with you.

I wrote a post called the The First Pregnant Man in which I mentioned that I went mad with desire for food. I put on an eating exhibition the likes of which hadn’t been seen in quite some time.

If you are sensitive to bathroom humor or similar items you might want to skip the rest of this post because this is going to fall in the too much information for some of you.

The problem with eating like that is not just the caloric intake, but the radioactive fall out that comes along with it. My body just won’t put up with it any more and after a while it decides that the best thing to do is to punish me for my iniquities.

This is one of the reasons why I don’t eat spicy food all that often anymore. I still very much enjoy it but the result is most unpleasant.

There was a point in time when I had a lot of trouble accepting that I couldn’t do the things I used to do anymore and like so many other people I engaged in a bad case of denial and tried to maintain my old habits.

For a while it had mixed results and then came the night of the Chicken Vindaloo.

I was out with friends at a new Indian restaurant. I’d provide the name but if they knew that I was still alive they might come after me with pitchforks and I’d rather not go through that again.

It started out innocently enough. I ordered a plain water, medium dry and hold the ice. As the waiter went around the table asking for our order I asked for a recommendation and he recommended the Chicken Vindaloo.

That sounded good to me so I asked him to bring me a plate. He smiled and asked if I wanted the spicy version. I smiled back and asked him how spicy it was.

“I can make it so spicy you’ll have problems tomorrow morning,” he said with that same Cheshire cat grin.

That was enough of a challenge to me to accept and so I did. If only I had considered my situation more carefully. You see I was in a small restaurant that offered a single restroom for all of the patrons.

I hate places like that. They make me uncomfortable and I tend to avoid them like the plague, but not that night. Nope, I was feeling bulletproof, invincible and nothing anyone said or did was going to stop me from enjoying my evening.

A short time later the waiter returned with our order and I began to enjoy my Chicken Vindaloo. It was great, just fabulous. I was quite pleased with my decision and dug into my meal with great relish and enthusiasm.

It was a mistake.

I hadn’t been eating for more than ten minutes or so when I heard/felt a familiar rumble emanate from my belly. Apparently it was loud enough that the others at the table heard it too. Concerned looks were pointed in my direction but I smiled and waved them off. No need to be worried, this was nothing.

Seconds later I realized it was more than nothing and I flew out of my seat, vaulted over two tables and spun around two waiters. I needed that bathroom and I needed it NOW! Fortune smiled upon me, it was empty.

I jumped inside locked the door and fumbled for my belt like a newlywed on his wedding night. For a moment my fingers lost all coordination and I hopped up and down begging for a second longer. Finally I flipped it off and jumped onto the toilet.

Splash! For the first time in my life I cursed a man for leaving the toilet seat up, but that was the least of my worries. My entire rear end felt like it was on fire and I was most unhappy.

Simultaneously there was a knock on the door and a voice asking me if I was ok. It was the last thing I wanted to hear and I responded accordingly. In my best pirate voice I growled:

“There do be flames shooting out of my ass. It is a good thing that there do be water in the toilet. Arrgh!”

This must have made a great impact upon them as I heard/felt them step backwards and fall down on the floor.

For an undetermined amount of time I unhappily savaged the porcelain goddess and cried out to the heavens begging for relief. It was like a scene from one of those Lifetime for women movies. I alternately laughed and cried.

Finally the storm ended and I gingerly stood up and readied myself to exit the door. With great trepidation I reached out for the handle and turned it to the right. A soft push on the door and I was blessed with cool fresh air and the sweet savory scent of freedom.

I must have been quite a sight because as I shuffled back to the table a path opened for me. People moved out of the way as if I was Moses parting the Red Sea. When I got there I found a white take out box that had been used to collect the remnants of my Chicken Vindaloo.

It took great effort and care to pick that box up. I knew that the initial bout with the storm was over and that it would be dangerous to do anything that would upset the delicate ecosystem that had been established in my gut.

Outside in the cool night air a homless man approached and asked me for some help. In response I gave him my Chicken Vindaloo and wished him well. I don’t know what happened to that guy. I don’t know if he had better luck or if I was the only lucky one.

All I know is that the car ride home was fraught with suspense. I had to make many stops, but I don’t think that I care to relive those or to share anymore of the story of the night I had the Chicken Vindaloo.

You’ll have to excuse me now, my stomach is starting to hurt.

A Bathroom Ambassador

Alright Charmin, my dysfunctional digestive system and I will give you some free publicity.You offered some decent cash to serve as a bathroom ambassador. I even considered applying, but I am a warm weather guy and the moola wasn’t quite enough to gain my interest, came close but….

Today, Charmin, America’s favorite toilet paper brand, launches a national job search to find five outgoing and enthusiastic people to work in New York City’s Times Square Charmin Restrooms this holiday season for a salary of $10,000 each! The five chosen “Charmin Ambassadors” will interact with hundreds of thousands of restroom guests, while getting paid to revel in their own “love of the loo.” This isn’t your ordinary 9 AM – 5 PM job, and Charmin only asks that candidates should enjoy going to the bathroom so much – whether it be to catch up on reading or just enjoy some “me time” – they never want to leave.

Related posts:

How Many Toilets Must A Man Post About
New & Improved Toilet- Fish ‘n Flush
Urine For a Tale- Or Pissed Off About Peeing
High Tech Toilet Seat
A Different Sort Of Urinal
Public Toilet
A Bathroom Surprise
It is A Bathroom Revolution
Take Your Toilet to Dinner
Crappy Service on a Slow News Day
A free guide to the toilets of the world
Tokyo Shakes and It is Outhouse Central
His Ass Burst Right Into Flames
Use The Toilet and Make Money
How Do Fighter Pilots Go To The Bathroom
For A Good Time Call…

It is A Bathroom Revolution

Friends you know that one of my goals here at the Shack is to provide you with information and resources that you can use to improve your life. Our team of experts is always hard at work sniffing out the best deals and products from around the globe.

Today I am pleased to inform you that we have discovered a device that will revolutionize your bathroom experience. Chances you have never thought about a good toilet accessory, but this is it.

In the video below you’ll learn about the first improvement to toilet paper as know it since the 1880s. For a mere pittance you can pick up the Comfort Wipe.


For those who have missed out on past reviews of useful products here is a list of links that you might find to be useful.

How to Make Hard Boiled Eggs
What Not to Do-Snakebites
The Cubicle Celebrates 40 Years

How Velcro Was Invented
My New Desk- I Have To Get One
London Restaurant Tries To Solve Gas Crisis
Who Wants To Buy An Artificial Foreskin
Untapped Sources of Energy

The Mangroomer
Business Cards That Will Get You Business
Medical Technology- The future is now
Inventions You have Got T0 Have (Includes the ladies urinal, toilet forehead support system and much more.)
The Nose Pouch How Much Would it Cost To Build The Death Star
Lose Weight With The Greatest Exercise Ever
The Best Clothing You’ll Ever Own
When Disaster Strikes- Blow Up Your House
A free guide to the toilets of the world

Take Your Toilet to Dinner

I mulled over stealing Time’s line Diarrhea for dinner? but just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Instead I chose the less outrageous title so that I could blog about a restaurant called Modern Toilet.

Now that is the kind of thing that you don’t really considering as the name of an eating establishment, at least not as an adult. However as the father of young children scatalogical humor is something that we use frequently. Let’s take a look at part of the article:

Diarrhea for dinner? That’s the point. “It’s supposed to shock and confuse the senses,” says Modern Toilet Manager Chen Min-kuang. But as Jennifer Finch, an American who was dining there described it, “They do it tastefully. It’s all very clean.”

Every customer sits on a stylish acrylic toilet (lid down) designed with roses, seashells or renaissance paintings. Everyone dines at a glass table with a sink underneath. The servers bring your meal atop a mini-toilet bowl (quite convenient, as it brings the food closer to your mouth), you sip drinks from your own plastic urinal (a souvenir), and for dessert, soft swirl ice cream atop a dish shaped like a squat toilet.”

But wait, take a look at the names of some of the dishes

The reasonably priced food ranges from curries, pasta, fried chicken amd Mongolian hot pot, to elaborate shaved iced desserts with names like “diarrhea with dried droppings” (chocolate), “bloody poop” (strawberry), and “green dysentery” (kiwi). Despite the disturbing descriptions, the desserts were great. But after seeing curry drip down a mini-toilet, I may never have that sauce again.

I may have to take a trip to Taiwan just to get my own souvenir urinal because that is the kind of thing that you can’t find just anywhere.