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The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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Archives for December 2005

Call me Irreverent But..

December 26, 2005 by Jack Steiner 5 Comments

NASHVILLE, Tenn. – When Bob Bernstein arrived at his coffeehouse to assess the scene of an early Christmas morning break-in, the one thing he noticed missing was the cinnamon bun that bears a striking likeness to Mother Teresa.

Bernstein said he believes that the culprit is someone angry over the shop displaying the world-famous pastry, which has been preserved with shellac. A jar of money next to the Nun Bun was not stolen.

“They went right for the bun,” he said. “Unfortunately I think it’s somebody who wanted to take it to destroy it.”

The Nun Bun gained worldwide attention in 1996 when a customer nearly took a bite of it before recognizing the revered nun in the folds of flaky pastry.

Stories like this are just begging to be made fun of. Is it just me or at least once a year do we read about someone discovering that their Fresh & Fruity Rootie tootie bears a striking resemblance to the Virgin Mary.

A couple of telephone calls later and there is a line of people in front of the IHop waiting to see what normally would have been called “left overs” and the cook is explaining that when he saw the yolk on that last egg he knew there was something different about it.

The world is a funny place.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Unsolicited Advice from A Man to Men

December 26, 2005 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

Hi boys,

I have spoken with a number of you recently about your troubles with the fairer sex. I don’t have these conversations as often as I used to because so many of the fellas are married now. It is kind of surreal to me because ten years ago chasing girls was a major pastime.

You remember. All those parties, nights at bars, set ups and random encounters here and there. Remember how we spent hours in the gym working out and talking about silly things and so much of that was silly. I smile when I think of those moments because those were times in which I reveled in my life and my freedom. That doesn’t mean that I am not happy now because I am. There is nothing better than being a father, but it is a different sort of reward and happiness.

So let us go back to my promise to share some unsolicited advice. It is free so perhaps that is an indication of the value but after a few years of living with women maybe I know a little something that will help you out.

If you really want to have something special the goal is to get inside her head and watch how you end up in her heart. You need to get her to share her thoughts on things and then really listen to what she tells you. And then you need to go from listening to hearing it.

Everyone likes to feel like they are important, that they have value and meaning. You need to let her know that she is special and that she means something to you. And then you need to do it in a way that ensures that not only does she feel special but she is secure that you see her as being special.

The only way I know how to do that is to suggest that you talk, talk, talk. Share your thoughts and feelings. Let her know what you really think and don’t be afraid to be let your guard down.

There is nothing profound there. I am not the first person nor will I be the last to say any of this. All I know is that any time I have let myself go down this path. Any time I have really opened up and risked letting someone hurt me I gained something very special and precious.

So there you have it. Six minutes of free advice. It is up to you to use it or ignore it.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Call Me Prude But…

December 26, 2005 by Jack Steiner 3 Comments

I feel really old saying this, but what the hell are they thinking.

31 HOURS OF NON-STOP DRINKING
By Stuart Patterson

HOGMANAY revellers are being urged to join in a 31-hour drinking marathon at a nightclub.

The bevvy session will last from 6pm on Hogmanay to 1.30am on January 2.

Boozers will be encouraged to drink cheap shots around the clock and prizes will be handed out for those who can stay standing throughout the promotion.

Apparently I am not the only one who sees a problem.

Last night, nightclub bosses were condemned by politicians and anti-alcohol campaigners who accused them of encouraging binge drinking.

Details of the event, at the Cube nightclub in Peterhead, Aberdeenshire, were revealed after a study found nearly 40 people are drinking themselves to death in Scotland every week.

The 31-hour drinking binge will be held in the 300-capacity nightclub thanks to a special licence.”

Filed Under: Uncategorized

The Right Thing to Say

December 26, 2005 by Jack Steiner 11 Comments

In the background I can hear Willie Nelson singing Always on My Mind

“Maybe I didn’t treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didn’t love you
Quite as often as I could have
Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Maybe I didn’t hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you
I’m so happy that you’re mine

If I made you feel second best
Girl I’m so sorry I was blind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn’t died
Give me, give me one more chance to keep you satisfied, satisfied

Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind”

There is no real relevance to this song playing now other than I wanted to share it with you.

In an earlier post I blogged a bit about skills/talents that I would like to have. One of them is being able to say the right thing in every situation. It is probably more of talent than a skill, no I take that back, it is both.

Some of it I think is innate. Some people are very good about knowing what to say and how to say it. I don’t feel like it is something that I am completely inept at, for that matter I suspect that I am better than many.

Nonetheless I am not a place where I can rest on my laurels so I’d like to work on this. When I first watched LA Story I was touched/struck by a number of things. Fortunately I wasn’t injured by any of them.

There is a scene in the movie in which Steve Martin’s girlfriend decides to leave him. What caught my eye was this little speech he gave. I don’t remember it word for word but I can give you the gist. He said something like this:

“I know that there is something that I could say which would make you reconsider, that there are words I could share that would make you stop in place and not leave. So let’s pretend that I said those words and go from there.”

It made me smile because it was silly but there is so much truth in that comment.

Anyway one of the things that I have been trying to do is become a collector of stories so that I can always recite a couple in every situation. But there are two things that occur to me.

First, sometimes there is nothing that you can say. There are no words or deeds that will be appropriate and those moments are times in which silence is the appropriate response.

The other issue is knowing how to deliver those stories. If you cannot tell a story in a way that people find compelling it just doesn’t matter.

I figure that about a week before I am scheduled to die I’ll become an expert in this. Until then I’ll fumble about like everyone else.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Saturday Night Roundup

December 25, 2005 by Jack Steiner 3 Comments

Ok folks it is time for your Saturday night roundup and a couple of thoughts to share.

My son is trying to sing along to King Without a Crown and is getting a little frustrated because “that guy talks too fast.”

My daughter almost made me cry. She ran up to me and hugged my leg. When I bent down to pick her up she said “Da da, love you” and then she kissed me. That is the first time that she has said “love you” to me. Not that I ever doubted it, but it just caught me off guard. A plesant surprise.

My son played his own role in making my evening. I was carrying him in from the car, his head lay on my shoulder and he snored gently in my ear. When I lay him down in his bed he woke up and called to me. “Daddy, I need my special blessing.” My heart almost burst. One of my goals is for my children to understand just how important that blessing is to me and to make it important to them. It is a sign of my love and I want for them to desire it when they are 130, not for my ego but because it is one of those special things that they share only with me.

Anyway, on to the roundup:

Merry Xmas

Music of The Evening

Math- What Is It Good For

I Must Not Be Symmetrical

Blast From The Past:

Some Things I’ll Teach My Children

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Merry Xmas

December 25, 2005 by Jack Steiner 4 Comments

For those of you who celebrate it, have a happy holiday.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

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