Some Thoughts About Toilet Paper

Now here is a topic that you don’t hear or read about all that much. Most people keep their relationship with toilet paper to themselves. I can understand and appreciate it. It is a rather personal moment.

At the same time here at the Shack we have no compunction against discussing bodily functions and even brought you a post about a super toilet that does it all. But not all of us are as rich as Rothchild and even among those who are there are some who wish to continue to be personally involved in the application of toilet paper.

Regardless your position, standing, squatting or otherwise I feel confident in saying that you have had both good and bad experiences with toilet paper. So here is my incomplete rundown, my stream of conscious thought about toilet paper.

In my experience there are a few elements that can wreck toilet paper. These include:

  1. Wet toilet paper
  2. Toilet paper that is better used as sand paper.
  3. Toilet paper that is dispensed one small square at a time.
  4. Toilet paper that is so thin it tears when you look at it.

Now I could go on, but I think that we have hit the most critical elements here. So let’s take a moment to review. Assuming that Blogger doesn’t crash for the 42nd time you’ll see this post.

Wet toilet paper is just a nightmare and is only used in the most dire circumstances. If you have or ever experience this I hope for your sake that you were well aware of just how it became saturated.

Rough toilet paper used to be the hallmark of travelling outside of the US. Some of us learned this to our detriment having used it shortly before dipping into the Dead Sea. Talk about pouring salt into wounds. Oy!

Toilet paper that is dispensed one square at a time is virtually useless. The whole point of using the paper is to avoid contact with your hands. One square is a nightmare and is almost as bad as thin paper.

Thin toilet paper is something that you’d rather not encounter. It requires a deft and gentle touch because the moment you make contact is not the moment when you want it to fail. Reminds me of the line from Ghostbusters in which Bill Murray asks what happens if you cross the streams.

The outcome isn’t as bad, but it is not all that plesant either.

That is it for now. If you forgive the bad pun I have to roll.

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  1. Stacey June 9, 2006 at 12:49 pm

    Charmin Ultra is so soft on my tushie. It’s all I will use!

  2. Rebecca June 9, 2006 at 1:34 am

    2-ply only for me. Charmin is the only option ever.

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