The Shmata Queen & The Beach

(originally posted here)

The Shmata Queen and I have an ongoing debate about whether she grew up near The beach. The premise is based upon the misguided belief that a Great Lake constitutes a beach.

Technically I suppose that you could try and make the case that a lake offers a beach.
beach (bēch) pronunciation

  1. The shore of a body of water, especially when sandy or pebbly.
  2. The sand or pebbles on a shore.
  3. The zone above the water line at a shore of a body of water, marked by an accumulation of sand, stone, or gravel that has been deposited by the tide or waves.

I’d disagree with this and say that you can claim waterfront property, but a real beach needs the ocean. A real beach has sand that is created by the pounding of the Saltwater waves and not those of a sinking ship (Edmund Fitzgerald) Please note that all maritime questions can be directed to our resident sailor David. You can find him at Treppenwitz.

That concludes this less than serious post. Hog farmers, sailors, math geeks, art majors and business people are dismissed.

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  1. Stacey February 7, 2007 at 2:06 pm

    Oooh, I have my own label. How special! 😉

  2. Jack's Shack February 7, 2007 at 2:41 am


    I like you. In spite of the trauma of being from cleveland you have a good heart. It is heartwarming to see your attempt at chivalry even though it is ever so misguided.


    Harrumph, you are ever so correct as opposed to some of the other players here.


    As I have told all of my New Trier relatives and all of the others from other parts around the city, you are kidding yourself.

    The only thing that Gino’s East is good for is a substitute manhole cover. Unos is slightly better, it is much easier to wield as a weapon against muggers.

    The best thing about Chicago is the airport, which still keeps it a step ahead of cleveland.

  3. Another meshugannah mommy February 6, 2007 at 11:55 pm

    Well, that Devin Hester return DID give me some hope…

    There’s nothing like riding your bike down the Drive to Oak Street Beach in the summertime! And…I’ll match Gino’s and Uno’s (NOT the chain!!!) against your California tofu spinach pizza anyday!

    Slytherins don’t go to the beach. Too many Muggles.

  4. Sheyna February 6, 2007 at 11:54 pm

    Okay, I have to weigh in here.

    I used to live one block from THE BEACH in Santa Cruz, CA. Pounding waves, tall rock bluffs, great surfing. Every night, I used to walk the bluffs from my apartment to a national park about two miles away and back, enjoying the constant change and sameness of the ocean (just north of Monterey Bay).

    Then I moved to the Midwest. Desperately missing THE BEACH, I trekked up to Duluth and the North Shore of Minnesota, looking for what I was missing. It was beautiful indeed, and there was a certain amount of sand and rocks and of course water. But to a former Californian, it fell short of being THE BEACH.

    IMHO, in the Midwest, you can go to a beach. Along the coast, you can go to The Beach.

  5. Ezzie February 6, 2007 at 10:01 pm

    I have been to the beach in Cleveland, so… Stacey wins! 🙂

  6. Jack's Shack February 6, 2007 at 6:26 pm

    Poor AMM. You actually thought that the Bears had a chance. You probably think that Chicago has good pizza and meat.

    Feh, there is no beach. Lake Michigan is a poor excuse for the ocean. But don’t worry because there are literally millions of other midwesterners who suffer from similar delusions.

    However to be fair, I must commend you on your love for Harry Potter, even if you do support the Slytherin definition of beach.

  7. Another meshugannah mommy February 6, 2007 at 5:20 pm

    I am with Stacey, I live right by THE BEACH. My kids take the BEACH class at the park district.

    Lake Michigan all the way, baby!

  8. Jack's Shack February 6, 2007 at 4:59 pm

    I knew a man who called himself a woman. That didn’t mean that he was.

  9. Stacey February 6, 2007 at 4:48 pm

    Quit redefining the word beach. (You are not Webster)! It definitely does NOT need to be salt water.

    I grew up in Cleveland and spent summer days at THE BEACH. Lake Erie! Mentor Headlands rocks. Ditto Edgewater!

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