Dear Laker Management
Dear Laker Management,
It has become apparent that the Lakers are in dire need of the services of an almost 38 year-old Jewish guy who can’t jump any more, doesn’t shoot all that well and isn’t particularly fast. The last time I wrote you was in the early ’90s.
Back in those days I still didn’t shoot all that well but I could still jump. Every now and then I managed to get a hand on the rim. Not only that but I had fast hands and good foot speed. A speedy point guard might have taken me off of the dribble but I always had a way to recover.
But that was then. Now I fill out my uniform in a slightly different way. If you photograph me from the chest up you won’t notice that much of a difference.
Let me cut to the chase. The current team is lacking in many areas. I know that many of the players are banged up. I can see that they aren’t quite 100 percent, but that doesn’t excuse the lack of fire.
I can bring all that and more. I am a hustle player. I can provide that energy, that missing spark. For a paltry $500,000 I’ll come off of the bench and give you everything I have got. I’ll leave it all on the floor. I can still set a pick that will make your teeth rattle, I can box out and I can rebound.
I can’t promise that signing me will bring a championship, but I can guarantee that no one will ever accuse my team of mailing it in.
Think about it. It is more than a great PR move. At $500,000 my services are a steal. I look forward to hearing back from you.
Regards,
Jack B.
Jack's Shack April 29, 2007 at 4:39 am
Stephen,
It is not all that exciting. I have no misconceptions about my ability.
Any success I have is because I outwork those who are more talented.
But it would be cool to say that I played in the NBA, however brief it might be.
Stephen April 28, 2007 at 9:20 pm
Now that I would like to see. Maybe they can at least use you in an exhibition match, in Europe or someplace.
Jack's Shack April 27, 2007 at 6:27 am
My dear Jack, you’re not dissing our boy Howard Schultz are you? 😉
Yes I am. Coffee Bean is much better.
MizEllie April 26, 2007 at 9:20 pm
My dear Jack, you’re not dissing our boy Howard Schultz are you? 😉
Can’t argue with you about the rain though…
Jack's Shack April 25, 2007 at 7:13 pm
Ellie,
Seattle has bad coffee and too much rain.
Ezzie,
Not yet they don’t, but they will.
Ezzie April 25, 2007 at 6:59 pm
See, the Cavs don’t need your services. 🙂
MizEllie April 25, 2007 at 5:09 pm
If the Lakers don’t take you up on it, have you considered the Seattle Sonics? In my humble opinion, they too are in dire need of your services….