Dear Laker Management

Dear Laker Management,

It has become apparent that the Lakers are in dire need of the services of an almost 38 year-old Jewish guy who can’t jump any more, doesn’t shoot all that well and isn’t particularly fast. The last time I wrote you was in the early ’90s.

Back in those days I still didn’t shoot all that well but I could still jump. Every now and then I managed to get a hand on the rim. Not only that but I had fast hands and good foot speed. A speedy point guard might have taken me off of the dribble but I always had a way to recover.

But that was then. Now I fill out my uniform in a slightly different way. If you photograph me from the chest up you won’t notice that much of a difference.

Let me cut to the chase. The current team is lacking in many areas. I know that many of the players are banged up. I can see that they aren’t quite 100 percent, but that doesn’t excuse the lack of fire.

I can bring all that and more. I am a hustle player. I can provide that energy, that missing spark. For a paltry $500,000 I’ll come off of the bench and give you everything I have got. I’ll leave it all on the floor. I can still set a pick that will make your teeth rattle, I can box out and I can rebound.

I can’t promise that signing me will bring a championship, but I can guarantee that no one will ever accuse my team of mailing it in.

Think about it. It is more than a great PR move. At $500,000 my services are a steal. I look forward to hearing back from you.


Jack B.

(Visited 42 times, 1 visits today)


  1. Jack's Shack April 29, 2007 at 4:39 am


    It is not all that exciting. I have no misconceptions about my ability.

    Any success I have is because I outwork those who are more talented.

    But it would be cool to say that I played in the NBA, however brief it might be.

  2. Stephen April 28, 2007 at 9:20 pm

    Now that I would like to see. Maybe they can at least use you in an exhibition match, in Europe or someplace.

  3. Jack's Shack April 27, 2007 at 6:27 am

    My dear Jack, you’re not dissing our boy Howard Schultz are you? 😉

    Yes I am. Coffee Bean is much better.

  4. MizEllie April 26, 2007 at 9:20 pm

    My dear Jack, you’re not dissing our boy Howard Schultz are you? 😉
    Can’t argue with you about the rain though…

  5. Jack's Shack April 25, 2007 at 7:13 pm


    Seattle has bad coffee and too much rain.


    Not yet they don’t, but they will.

  6. Ezzie April 25, 2007 at 6:59 pm

    See, the Cavs don’t need your services. 🙂

  7. MizEllie April 25, 2007 at 5:09 pm

    If the Lakers don’t take you up on it, have you considered the Seattle Sonics? In my humble opinion, they too are in dire need of your services….

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