I suppose that among the many reasons I miss my grandfather is that he knew more colorful phrases and expressions than anyone else I can think of. Right now I could use something more descriptive than saying I am having a run of bad luck.
Right now I feel as if I have been jinxed. Someone hit me with a hex, a curse, bad juju, that voodoo that you do is quite frankly fucking things up with the kind of regularity that makes me wonder if karma really does exist.
Ok, the truth is that I am a bit superstitious. There are some things that I have seen and experienced that I can’t quite explain. The good news is that those things encompass both good and bad. I also believe in making my own luck. I know that I can turn it around. I can make things change.
But sometimes it is hard to walk through mud that is waist high. Slogging through cold slush isn’t fun, there just isn’t anything pleasurable about it. So I am doing what I need to do to get through to the other side.
I have been through the bad runs. I have been knocked down, kicked and trampled on. This is not the first time and it is not going to be the last. There is one significant difference between now and the past.
They haven’t any idea how much energy and strength I get from them. This morning my daughter climbed into my lap and just stared at me. Moments later she wrapped her little arms around my neck and said “You’ll never know how much I love you.” Had she asked me to give her the moon I would have reached right through the roof of our house and grabbed it.
Last night I told my son that I was sorry if I have been overly cranky lately. He looked at me and said “it is ok.” I told him that it wasn’t and that I was sorry if I snapped at him. He just looked at me and said “you’re just taking care of us.”
What can I say, they just make me smile.