The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for August 2007

Does Time Heal All Wounds?

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Mama, take this badge off of me
I can’t use it anymore.
It’s gettin’ dark, too dark for me to see
I feel like I’m knockin’ on heaven’s door.
Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door-Bob Dylan

Nine years ago we buried one of my best friends. His yarzheit was August 25th. For those of you who are concerned, I don’t remember what the Hebrew date is. I just know that it is close to Elul and that this has always affected me.

His death was a life changing experience. He wasn’t the first friend that we lost. There were others that came before and after him. I don’t mean to demean or marginalize the loss of the others. Should their loved ones ever read this I don’t want them to feel badly. But they were different.

Car accidents, a bike accident, a couple of suicides took the others. Cancer took my pal away. It didn’t happen over night. It was a process that took a while. In some ways it seemed like it took forever and in others it felt like forever. Each week there was a gradual deterioration of his abilities. The cancer didn’t discriminate between cognitive or motor skills. It took huge bites out of all until there was nothing left to take. The giving tree was no more.

The first few years after his death were hard, far harder than now. It is not that I do not miss him, but I have grown accustomed to his absence. For a long time that bothered me. I felt like I was betraying his memory. If I didn’t feel that searing sense of loss I’d wonder what was wrong with me. It took a while to realize that I was healing and to accept that it was ok not to miss him every day.

After a while it was normal not to think about him, to not wonder what sort of advice he might have offered, to not feel badly that he would never know the pleasure of being a father etc. Still I made a point of not missing his yarzheit.

Each year I would take a few minutes to think about him and appreciate all that I had learned and gained from our friendship.

This year was different. This year was different because I forgot about his yarzheit. It didn’t even occur to me until today that I had. So I suppose that this is more proof that time heals all wounds. Yet I’d like to clarify that.

I may not feel that searing pain. The sense of loss may not be there, but the scars remain. There are moments when it is tough. There are times when I do very much wish that he was still here. When I get together with the crew there are moments that I look out at 35 or so kids and wish that his were playing with the rest.

There are those moments when the memories pop up. A dinner in Beverly Hills, a hike in the Sierras, flying over Catalina or walking down the street in Jerusalem. They’re bittersweet memories. They’re part of deep spiritual questions and tied into growth.

His loss changed me. It aged me. It made me question and wonder about things that I might not ever have. I don’t want to belabor the point or make this post any longer than it is. All I know is that I wish the old bastard was here to argue with me because I miss my friend.

I miss my friend. How many times have I said that recently and how many more times will I have to say it. Every now and then I am amazed to hear someone say that they have never been to a funeral. I have been to more than twenty.

It is Elul and I feel unsettled.

Prayer In School

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Prayer in school is a hot topic. It is a hot button issue that is regularly covered within and without the blogosphere. I have a number of posts that touch upon or discuss it. I’ll provide links to some of those posts at the end of this one.

On a side note I have noticed that virtually every time I have run something about this subject my blog has been dropped from blog rolls. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me. I don’t need everyone to either. I find it somewhat telling and sad that some people find my position to be so offensive that they no longer want to visit. Mostly it is because they claim to be quite tolerant, but such is life.

The following are just some thoughts from the top of my head. This is not an attempt to prove the intent of the framers as being for or against, although if you want my opinion I think that they were at best neutral about it, if not downright against it. If they wanted the government to sanction prayer in school they would have specifically included it within the Constitution.

I am against organized prayer within public schools. Note that I said organized prayer. In concept, I am not against a moment of silence but I tend to be skeptical about whether people will truly be silent.

My concern about prayer in school is that it can be divisive, exclusionary and that some students may be ostracized because of their beliefs. Our schools should be havens of learning in which no one is targeted because their beliefs do not adhere to those of others. Organized prayer that is sanctioned by the school places these havens in jeopardy and infringes upon parental rights to instill values within our children.

In a Utopian society different views and philosophies are celebrated. However we know from painful experience that this is not the world that we live in. School children are subjected to tremendous social pressure to fit in and while it is noble and worthwhile to teach them to stand up for their beliefs this is not the situation in which to try and do so.

A belief in a particular religion is always rooted in faith that its tenets are true. Faith is the key word in that sentence. You cannot rely upon logic and reason to take you to the place in which an a consensus is reached about faith. This is a big hurdle.

If you note how many denominations of particular religions exist you can see how this exacerbates the situation. I know of Orthodox Jews who see the non Orthodox as apostates, evangelicals who consider Catholics to be idol worshippers etc. If you cannot find consensus among the believers of the same faith you are walking on thin ice.

Earlier I mentioned how organized prayer interferes with parental rights. It is something that I feel strongly about. My biggest job in life is to teach my children how to be menschen. It is a parent’s obligation to instill values within our children. It is not the school or societies responsibility to teach them how to become good people. It is mine. This is a large part of why I make time for my kids.

I love my children and want them to be happy. So I provide them with structure, with guidance and with a framework that they can apply to life. The primary set of values is what they receive at home. It is nice for that to be supplemented by the school, but a public school shouldn’t touch upon religion for all the reasons I mentioned above. There is strength in plurality.

Posts regarding Prayer in School and similar issues

You Live In A Christian Country- Deal With It
Stop The ACLU Coalition Nonsense
Religion In Schools
Prayer In School- Kentucky High School Shenanigan
Interfaith Relationships- Jews and Christians Misunderstood Again
Southern Baptist Bunk
Air Force Sued Over Religious Intolerance
Appeals court broadens prayer ban in Arkansas school district

10 Legendary Trips You Can Still Take

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Forbes Travel has a list of adventures that I plan to take on.

Historic journeys from the Silk Road to the
Orient Express

With high-speed trains, fast cars and jumbo jets that can whisk us across time zones in a matter of hours, getting from point A to point B has never been easier (though we all know it’s not hassle-free). But with so much time saved comes the loss of something else—the idea that sometimes the journey is the destination itself. And there’s no better way to partake in what’s called “slow travel” than by doing it on a historic route.

With several notable treks, two-lane historic highways, and slow train lines from which to choose, where does one begin?

The granddaddy of all historic routes is, of course, the Silk Road, the famed network of old trading routes that connected China to the Mediterranean. Most 21st-century travelers don’t take the entire route, but do it in portions. That’s what longtime travel editor and writer Don George did. He trekked it through Pakistan and said it was one of the grandest trips of his life. “What could be more stirring than walking in the footsteps of Marco Polo and viewing ways of life that have changed little since his time?” says George, who runs the literary travel websites Don’s Place and Recce.

Another highly recommended route comes from writer Tony Perrottet: the Athens-to-Olympia pagan pilgrimage path. “I’d advise driving it,” says Perrottet, who made the journey for his book about the origins of the Olympic Games, The Naked Olympics. Ancient Greeks would make the pilgrimage to Mt. Olympus just before the Olympics. “You end up in the mountains of Arcadia,” says Perrottet, “which are filled with shepherds and medieval monasteries—it’s a very magical place.”

For thousands of years, travelers have also been lured to the magic of the Nile River. The slow moving waterway makes the perfect venue for viewing ancient Egyptian wonders. According to Perrottet, the Romans were fascinated with cruising down the Nile, as were the 19th-century Victorian-era British who’d stop to gawk at the pyramids and mummies. Today, travelers can still cruise down the Nile, just like their British and Roman predecessors did.

For the full tale please click here.